


A Breath Away

by TooSel



Series: Breathing [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blackmail, Established Relationship, Family Secrets, Fire, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Past Character Death, Possible Character Death, Pregnancy, baby!Kili, background Dwori, kid!Fíli, the year is 2023
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-09 02:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 50,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3232118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooSel/pseuds/TooSel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I knelt in front of life, folded my hands and prayed for some more time; there couldn't be any. My heart bled and so did my tearful eyes. Time, they say, flies, but I saw it slowly passing by taking each of my tardy breaths with it as it walked out of my life...” - Sanhita Baruah</p><p>Ten years after meeting at Erebor University, Bilbo and Thorin are happily settled into their relationship and leading a good life. But the status quo is disturbed when they stumble upon old family relicts that reveal secrets which threaten to destroy everything they hold dear.<br/>It's too late to go back when they realise that uncovering the past might just cost them the future.<br/>Sequel to "He's Breathing".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand I'm back and ready to get going! English isn't my native language and this is unbeta'd, any mistakes are entirely my own. We start right where we left off in "He's Breathing", so, without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

It wasn't the first time Thorin came home late and it wasn't the first time he did with a frown. Bilbo had grown used to trying to get it off his boyfriend's face over time - he'd acquired various tricks and distractions for that by now. Today, however, was different.

Bilbo had spent the evening looking after their five-year-old nephew until Dis had returned. He'd sat down and marked a few tests afterwards, displeased that he didn't get as many done as he should have.

His students had been waiting for him to return them for over a week already. He hated to keep them waiting, but he was completely helpless in the face of the blond boy and his big, blue eyes. They were of the exact same colour as his father's. The overall resemblance to him was so striking that Bilbo often thought he was looking at a miniture Vili.

Naturally, he hadn't turned down Dis' pleas to watch her son until she returned. How could he? Fili was a delight to have around. His laughter held the power to light up every rainy day, no matter how bleak.  
Thorin and he were lucky to have him around every day, since they all lived in the same house. But even if they didn't, Bilbo didn't think they'd be able to keep them away from the boy for long.

Thorin was utterly smitten with his nephew. His love for the child couldn't be questioned, though he was often strict with him. Bilbo knew for sure that if they weren't living together, he would go and visit his sister's family as often as he found the time. Especially now that Dis was pregnant with her second baby.

Bilbo would neither confirm nor deny that both he and Thorin had shed a tear or two when Dis had told them the news. Which didn't stop her from teasing them about it all the time. It would be embarrassing, really, if they weren't so awfully happy about it.

So Bilbo had knocked his plans for the evening on the head and given in immediately. He'd done a little work afterwards to ease his conscience, only stopping as he heard the familiar sound of Thorin's steps climbing the stairs. He put down his pen and slipped into the kitchen to prepare tea.

By the time he carried two mugs into the living room Thorin had flung himself onto the sofa, scowling at something invisible.  
He didn't react when Bilbo entered, which was strange in itself. Usually he was eager to transfer his attention to Bilbo after a long day, longing for the distraction his boyfriend offered taking it more than willingly.

Bilbo quirked an eyebrow and, after setting down their cups, settled next to the taller man. He took a curl of his hair between his fingers and began to play with the strand.

"Bad meeting?“, he enquired. Thorin sighed, running his hand over his face before turning his head to Bilbo with a feeble smile.

"You could say that“, he exhaled and leaned closer. Bilbo picked up on the silent demand and granted him a soft kiss.

"Hmm“, Thorin hummed, not leaving his personal space as he waited for more. Bilbo rolled his eyes with a smile and pecked his lips again before drawing back.

"Much better“, Thorin sighed and though his features still looked tense, the frown had left his face.

"You want to talk about it?“, Bilbo asked and sat back, pulling his legs up to rest them on Thorin's lap.

He huffed, but was interrupted before he got the chance to say something.

"Knock, knock“, a dry voice sounded from the door. Bilbo chuckled, remembering all too well why Dis was announcing herself this way. The one night she hadn't had been more than a little embarrassing for everyone involved. Nowadays Dis liked to joke about it, now that she'd recovered from the initial horror of seeing her big brother like that.

"Do come in“, Thorin replied in the same tone and rolled his eyes. Dis followed the invitation, merely raising an eyebrow at the sight of her brother's hand thoughtlessly stroking Bilbo's ankles, and settled on the other sofa. She folded her hands over her stomach with a sigh as she leaned back.

"Everything alright? Why did Bofur call you in?“

Thorin exhaled in exasperation.

"Azog de Filer made a move“, he grumbled. Bilbo watched as the crease on his forehead reappeared. Dis looked at him in surprise.

"Really?“, she frowned. "I thought he'd let it go after you repeatedly refused any cooperation with him. What did he do now?“

"I thought so as well“, Thorin sighed out. He started rubbing Bilbo's ankles absentmindly. "Or rather I hoped. He hasn't contacted us yet, but Bofur believes it's only a matter of time. He's back in the UK and it seems that he's bought up another small company during his trip. This time from Germany.“

" _Another_ one? But how does he do it?“, Dis asked, bemused. "Where does he get all that money from?“

"We don't know“, Thorin brooded. "Could be anything. And just because we suspect him to be involved with illegal things doesn't mean we can actually prove anything. So he just continues to buy up more and more companies. And becomes more powerful."

"That doesn't sound very good. But your books are still fine, aren't they?“, Dis dug deeper. "You have your steady incomes, right? That hasn't changed. You don't need to make a deal with him.“

Thorin chewed on his lip silently, frowning at something in front of him. Bilbo raised his eyebrows when the grip on his legs tightened.

"Thorin?“, he enquired when the other man kept quiet. Dis leaned forward, appraising her brother until he exhaled deeply and started speaking again.

"Well, actually, that's the reason Bofur called us in. Our numbers _are_ still fine, more or less. But there's this Irish company we've been counting on to make a deal with us. We were almost sure it'd work out, but now they've raised concerns. They said they'd think about it, but Bofur's quite sure they'll bail out. “

"But why?“, Dis asked, shaking her head. "I don't understand. What changed?“

"They got another offer. A deal that's not as risky as ours.“ His chest heaved. "Offered by Azog de Filer.“

Dis stared at him, remembering to close her mouth only with a slight delay.

"Well, shit“, she breathed out eventually. She leaned back, running her hands over her stomach. They all sat in silence for a moment, brooding over the situation.

"Well, he can't buy every single business out there“, Bilbo remarked after a while, leaning forward to brush a loose strand of hair behind Thorin's ear. He looked up at the touch and Bilbo was relieved to see a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, albeit ever so slightly.

"Not in Europe, not even in the UK. The fact that he seems to have taken a special interest in Durin Co. doesn't mean that he'll get it, in the end.“

"Yes, you're right, I know. It's just so maddening to have him breathe down your neck all the time without being able to do anything about it.“

"Yes, I can imagine“, Bilbo sighed. Then he nudged Thorin's stomach gently, animating him to start rubbing his ankles again. He did so immediately and soon seemed to let go of the gloomy thoughts, shaking his head.

"Anyway, I'll worry about that at work“, he said and raised an eyebrow at Dis. "You haven't said yet. How was your appointment?“

She grinned at him, knowing exactly what he was after.

"Before you ask, yes, I've brought the scans.“ She pulled the photos from her pocket and handed them to Thorin before sitting back down, rubbing her belly contently. "Everything's fine“, she amplified. "He's growing well enough, everything's in order. I told them that he's kicking keenly already, but they said that's perfectly normal. He's a strong one, it seems. And rather active.“

Thorin and Bilbo listened avidly before looking at the pictures together. The fetus had visibly grown bigger since the last scan, his shape much more recognizable now. Bilbo smiled and glanced at Thorin, who regarded the picture almost critically.

"What?“, he asked, amused. Dis watched her brother's expression with slightly narrowed eyes.

Thorin glanced at her before biting his lip, pondering on whether he should say something.

"He's grown a lot, he looks well“, he started after a moment. "It's just...“

 _"What?“_ , Dis demanded and Bilbo bit his lip to keep himself from laughing.

"He... he has the Durin nose“, Thorin yielded eventually and Bilbo couldn't help but snort. The pillow aimed from the other sofa just so missed Thorin's head.

"You're a bloody idiot“, Dis said, shaking her head. But she couldn't hide the grin spreading on her face. "He has his own nose. And he'll look pretty enough with it, Durin heritage or not.“

"Absolutely“, Thorin assented eagerly, hiding a smile. "No child of yours could have their beauty dismissed by what happens to be a... rather unfortunate nose.“

That much was true, Bilbo silently agreed. Dis was beautiful, in a way that was capable of lighting up entire rooms. Her first son had inherited the looks from his father, but his mother's charisma hadn't gone to waste on him. Fili carried her beauty as well, maybe not in the lines of his features, but in the spaces between. He'd grow up to be a pretty one, everyone could see that.

Thorin gave the photos back and his fingers found Bilbo's flesh again, massaging gently.

He seemed occupied with other thoughts now, but Bilbo could still sense the tension in his boyfriend. He'd have to do something about that later.

Or now, maybe. He cocked his head. Yes, why not start distracting him from the grim thoughts right now?

He reached for a strand of Thorin's hair, playing lazily with the curl. That evoked a smile from the other man. His hands tightened around Bilbo's ankles and he rubbed intently, focusing on the task. Bilbo hummed lowly and slid a bit closer to him.

"How's Vili?“, Thorin asked his sister.

"Fine“, Dis said, her slightly narrowed eyes following the movement of her brother's hands. "He sends his regards. It's still raining in New Zealand.“

Dis' husband was currently away on a business trip, returning only two weeks before the scheduled delivery date. They kept up with each other over Skype.

"That was to be expected“, he nodded. Bilbo enquired: "Did Fili get to talk to him or was he already in bed? He asked about him earlier when I was watching him.“

"He talked to him. Forced him to read a story, wouldn't go to sleep otherwise“, Dis half-smiled.

"Honestly, Thorin!“, she snapped but a moment later when her brother ran his hands beneath Bilbo's trousers, stroking up to his knee in a rather suggestive manner.

"What?“, he asked, looking perfectly innocent at the sight of his sister's scandalised expression.

"Yes, alright, I get it! I'm leaving already!“

She shook her head as she got up and approached the stairs, muttering something like "could have just said, no need to make me see that again“ on the way.

Bilbo chuckled, calling a good night wish after her. His mouth was occupied with Thorin's eager lips before he could say anything else, and every other thought was erased with that touch. He slipped his fingers into Thorin's hair, pulling him down to have better access to his mouth.

"Wait“, he interrupted Thorin's exploration, breaking the contact just as the kiss deepened. The man leaned back, quirking an eyebrow.

"What?“

"Have you eaten something yet?“

Thorin looked at him dumbstruck before his lips quivered and he broke into laughter.

"What is it?“, Bilbo asked, bemused.

"Honestly, _that's_ what you worry about right now?“, Thorin breathed out and shook his head. Then he leaned in again, stealing another kiss.

"Yes, I've had dinner. We got takeaway. Now stop looking so concerned and focus on the important things.“

"Food is _very_ important“, Bilbo objected, escaping the kiss once more, looking scandalised. Then he smiled and pecked his lips, mumbling: "But this is as well, you're right.“

That was enough conversation for Thorin and their voices hushed as their lips met again. Soon eager fingers found their way underneath Bilbo's shirt and the smaller man broke the kiss once more.

"What is it now?“, Thorin groaned.

"Please not on the sofa“, Bilbo panted. He shook his head at the mischiveous grin spreading on Thorin's face. "You know all too well that my back hurts for days afterwards.“

He jumped up and grabbed his arm, pulling him up before leading him to the bedroom.

"Here it's much better“, he smiled before they lowered themselves onto the bed.

And there he found a thing or two to distract his thoughts, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clarify that I basically know nothing about business stuff (which, of course, qualifies me perfectly for writing a story like this...) and I'm as vague about the specifics as possible, but should you notice something's off over the course of this fic, that's the reason why.  
> I'll also have you know that I laughed for a good ten minutes when I came up with "Azog de Filer". Looks like Azog's French in this one. Huh.


	2. Chapter 2

"Fili, where did you put your shoes?“

Bilbo looked down to the boy, his arms akimbo. Fili shrugged, blinking at him through his dark eyelashes, looking like innocence in person.

"I don't know, Uncle Bilbo.“

Bilbo sighed and let his eyes wander around the room once more.

"I just put them down here ten minutes ago. They can't be gone“, he groaned and shook his head, leaving the room in search of the missing shoes. Meanwhile Fili had settled on the floor again, playing with his lego without a care in the world. There was always _something_ , every time he was supposed to drop the boy off at kindergarten.

"Fili!“, he called a moment later. "What on earth are your shoes doing in the kitchen? You aren't even allowed to wear them in here!“

He picked them up and shook his head, returning to the child.

"You know what, I don't even want to know. Hurry up, get dressed. Or your teacher will chide me again“, he mumbled. He wouldn't dare risk the annoyance of that woman on purpose.

"Why are you asking when you don't want to know?“, Fili asked curiously.

"It was a rhetorical question“, Bilbo replied. His nephew looked at him blankly. "It means that you ask even though you already know the answer or don't actually want to hear one. It doesn't make much sense“, he admitted when the boy still frowned in confusion as he put on his shoes.

Fili seemed to think about that for another moment, then decided to give an answer anyway.

"Maybe it was the cat, Uncle Bilbo!“, he crowed and Bilbo stopped, turning to look at him.

"What? What cat?“

"Maybe the cat put my shoes in the kitchen“, Fili repeated. He looked so earnest that Bilbo almost would have believed him. If only-

"Fili, we don't have a cat.“

Fili looked at him silently. Bilbo narrowed his eyes, then decided to let it go with a shrug and held out a hand to the boy.

"Come on, darling. We're late. Better hurry up!“

Fili put his small hand in Bilbo's and they left the house, only a good ten minutes later than planned. Which wasn't a failure per se.

"Why don't we have a cat, Uncle Bilbo?“, the boy asked after a moment and Bilbo hummed at that, pondering the question.

"That's a good question, lad. You should ask your mother.“

He was about to add something when his phone started buzzing.

"Hold on“, he mumbled, fumbling for it.

"Yes, hello?“, he pressed the phone to his ear.

"Bilbo, it's me.“

Bilbo smiled at the familiar richness of Thorin's voice.

"What is it? You sound stressed.“

"I am“, he confirmed. "You're not home anymore, are you?“

"No“, Bilbo frowned. "I'm on my way to drop Fili off at the kindergarten, why?“

Thorin groaned in exasperation.

"I think I left the Vanger file on the kitchen table this morning. I need it for the meeting tonight, but I can't drive home and fetch it.“

Bilbo hummed, thinking back. "I think I know which one you mean, I saw it earlier before going downstairs.“

He sighed and checked his watch. "Listen, I've got lessons now but I'll have time to go home and grab it afterwards. I don't have to be at Erebor before five. I can drop it off at the office around lunch, if that's okay?“

"Yes, of course, that would be marvellous“, Thorin assured him, the relief audible in his voice. " _Thank_ you. You're a treasure.“

"I know“, Bilbo smiled. "Your greatest treasure. I've been told before.“

"Not nearly often enough“, Thorin breathed out and Bilbo flushed a little.

"You're being soppy“, he mumbled after a moment, not being able to hide his smile. Fili glanced up at him curiously. He squeezed his hand, chuckling.

"Probably“, the man admitted on the other end of the line. "Listen, I have to go now. I'll see you around lunch?“

"Yup. See you“, Bilbo finished the call.

"What does soppy mean?“, Fili asked thoughtfully. Bilbo grinned and began to explain.

 

School was a busy affair for Bilbo.

He liked teaching and he liked most of his students well enough, but the fact remained that a school was an island, a small city, and there was a lot to be done to keep it running. And the smaller it was, the more every person had to do. So Bilbo constantly found himself being loaded with tasks by colleagues and students alike, wondering briefly when he was supposed to do all that on top of what he was actually there for: teaching.

Once again he left the building later than he'd intended to, but at least with less things yet to be done. He was already thinking about the lecture he would give later that day.

Lecturing at Erebor was different from his main job and challenging in other ways. But he loved both his jobs with all his heart and he cherished the fact that he was allowed to do them – not just a few of his colleagues envied him for his position, being over-qualified for the job of a college teacher themselves.

Once he got home he only stuffed the file into his bag before leaving again, hoping that he'd catch Thorin during a break.

Durin Co. was a half-hour drive away from their house. Bilbo was greeted by the secretary with a nod when he entered the building, he was well known in the company.

Thorin was talking on the phone when Bilbo arrived at his office on the second floor. His back was turned to him, he was looking out of the window as he spoke.

Bilbo lingered at the door, catching his breath as he watched his boyfriend's tall shape. He really cut a striking figure, he thought as he regarded his back side. He bit his lip. A really striking figure. Good God.  
Thorin was wearing a claret-red waistcoat today that really complemented the blue shirt underneath. The skin-tight cloth hugged his body closely, highlighting the shape of his torso and the curve of his bum in a way that Bilbo almost deemed inappropriate. Really, who was he trying to impress?

He snapped his eyes from the lower part of his body for the sake of respectability and let them wander up to his hair instead, which was neatly tied in a low ponytail.  
God, the ponytail. Thorin's hair had done things to him ten years ago and it still did things to him now. The first silver streaks drawing through the black colour only enhanced the effect.

He exhaled strongly, easing the pressure on his lip when he realised that he was still biting down. So much for his attempt to appear put-together.

Thorin was still talking on the phone, one hand casually slipped into his pockets. Bilbo cleared his throat and he turned, his features lighting up at the sight of his boyfriend.

"Come in!“, he mouthed and gestured to the desk. "Just a minute.“

Bilbo nodded and entered, leaving the door ajar.

Thorin greeted Bilbo with a short kiss once he finished the call.

"I'm so glad you could make it“, he suspired. "I would've been lost without that file.“

"Well, it's a good thing you have me, then“, Bilbo replied and took out the documents, setting them on the table. "Do you have a bit of time for a break? You look like you could use one.“

"I'm afraid I don't“, Thorin sighed, glancing at the clock. "There's a journalist I'll have to talk to in about five minutes and I'm sure that'll take a while. And I have to go right back to work afterwards.“

"Oh“, Bilbo mumbled. His shoulders slumped. “Okay then.”

"Don't look so sad, little one“, Thorin smiled, resorting to the old teasing nickname. He placed his finger underneath Bilbo's chin, raising it gently. "I know we hardly get to see each other at the moment. I don't like it either.“

He raised a suggestive eyebrow. "Although yesterday night was nice.“ Bilbo couldn't help but smirk at the memory.

"But I promise I'm doing my best. It's just a tough time right now, with de Filer being back...“

"I get it, I know. It's hardly your fault. I just want to spend some more time with you, do something other than sleeping with or next to you for a change“, Bilbo sighed. He fiddled with Thorin's tie yearningly. "Though I don't complain about the sex“, he added, just to make himself clear. Best not to give him any ideas.

Thorin put his hands over Bilbo's fingers and stroked his skin tenderly until he looked up again, smiling at his longing expression.

"I'm sorry“, he murmured and Bilbo shivered, glaring at him. Thorin knew just too well how Bilbo reacted to that tone.

The taller man leaned down, offering an apology in the form of a tender kiss and Bilbo stretched up, accepting it willingly. If that was all he got, he'd take it any day.

He sighed when their lips parted all too soon, breaking the brief contact. So soft and sweet and not nearly sufficient for his taste.

"It's still not your fault“, Bilbo mumbled and leaned his forehead on Thorin's chest, breathing in his scent.

"Knock knock!“, a cheerful voice sounded from the door. He straightened and turned to see a man standing in the doorway, smiling at Thorin. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting. Are you Mr. Durin? I called last week, I'm here for the interview“, he introduced himself.

Thorin nodded and walked up to him, shaking his hand.

"I am. Nice to meet you in the flesh, do come in. This is my partner Bilbo“, he said, gesturing towards the smaller man. Bilbo nodded at the visitor.

"I'll leave you to it, then.“

He flashed a smile at the stranger before turning to grab his bag.

"Bilbo?“, the man asked, frowning. Then his eyes widened. " _Bilbo?_ You're Bilbo Baggins?“

Bilbo turned and regarded the man with curiosity. He was tall and lean, his dark, long hair was highlighted by the brown coat he was wearing.

"Yes?“, he asked, raising his eyebrows. Something about the man seemed strangely familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He cocked his head. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?“

"Oh, we sure do“, the man laughed, stepping towards him. Thorin frowned at him from the side.

"I'm Bard“, he said, and Bilbo stared at him, his mouth hanging open. "Bard Bowman. I see you remember me“, he chuckled.

Bilbo hurried to close his mouth, still processing.

" _The_ Bard Bowman? That's _you_?“, he asked, blinking at him. "Oh, my god.“

"Indeed“, the man affirmed and laughed. "What a coincidence! You don't work here, do you?“

"No, I just dropped something off that Thorin needed“, he explained. "I actually work as a teacher and lecturer now.“

"No! Really?“, Bard asked, grinning. "So you went and did it, yes? Double major and all that?“ Bilbo grinned as well and confirmed with a nod. "Amazing.“

Thorin cleared his throat and, when they both looked at him, raised an eyebrow. "So you two _do_ know each other?“, he asked, clearly expecting an elaboration on that.

"Oh, right“, Bilbo laughed. "See, Bard went to my college for a year. We got along rather well, as far as I can recall. That was until... you do remember when we first went to that Christmas Market in Dale, right?“

Thorin gave him a look that clearly translated to "as if I'd ever forget that“, so Bilbo surpressed a grin and continued: "I told you about my first date, the one who got me drunk, didn't I? Well, that was Bard.“

He raised his eyebrows and looked at the taller man, who was now cringing.

"Oh, good God“, Bard exclaimed and shook his head back, running a hand over his face at the memories. "The old times. I still owe you an apology, don't I?“ He grimaced.

"Tell you what.“ His gaze darted to the clock. "I don't want to keep you up, I'm on a schedule myself and I'm sure you don't have all day to sit around and talk either. I'll give you my number and we can meet up, yes? If you want to“, he added with a sheepish grin. "Then I'll try and explain myself. I'd love to catch up with you, hear what happened after I left and everything.“

"Yes, of course!“, Bilbo nodded eagerly and took out his phone. "I'd love that, too. I don't hold a grudge against you after over ten years, you know. Here, put in your number.“ He handed him the phone, smiling brightly. "I'll make sure to call you soon. Now I should really go, though. Can't hold you both off any longer. But it was so nice to meet you again!“

He tucked his phone away and shook his hand, then turned to Thorin to peck his lips. The man had watched the encounter in silence and was now regarding Bard with slightly narrowed eyes.

Bilbo knew that look. He straightened his tie, murmuring: "Be nice.“

Thorin huffed and he smiled, shaking his head softly. Then he waved Bard goodbye and left, snickering all the way to the car about the meeting.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Bilbo stretched his back with a sigh as he dropped his pen on the pile of class tests. He glanced at the clock when he heard little feet stomping around downstairs, suggesting that it was well into the day.

He'd woken long before his boyfriend, leaving the bedroom on tiptoe to get some marking done. Thorin was still asleep now. Bilbo wouldn't dare to wake him on a Saturday morning; even if he wasn't so relieved that he slept at all after last night.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face, the pictures of the night before running through his head.

He'd gone to bed early, leaving the remaining stack of tests on his desk for the morning. He'd kissed the top of Thorin's head goodnight since the man had still been sitting over his files, not looking like he'd join him anytime soon.  
His stamina was applaudable. _If I get it done now, I won't have to deal with it later,_ he always said. And though Bilbo saw the logic in that, he couldn't quite bring himself to live by it like Thorin did. Sometimes it was just the moment that counted, not the future, wasn't it?

He'd fallen asleep quickly, not noticing his boyfriend joining him some time later. He'd only woken when the body next to his had started tossing around, tortured sounds escaping his lips.

Bilbo had blinked and sat up hastily, slipping into the familiar pattern immediately. He'd shaken his boyfriend's arm until he'd woken, gasping into the darkness, clinging to Bilbo's soft murmurs and soothing words.  
He'd rolled over and gripped Bilbo's body tightly. Bilbo had held him in return until he had stopped shaking and his ragged breath had evened out, following his rhythm.

He supposed that he was lucky, in a way. Thorin was someone who craved intimacy, needed closeness in those moments.  
He knew people reacted differently to these episodes. He didn't think he could bear Thorin turning away from him when he was in distress, if he had to leave him to deal with the attacks on his own.

Thorin had gotten better over the years, his PTSD episodes becoming less frequent, mostly just coming on when triggered by stressful events nowadays. Bilbo had grown used to jumping into soothing mode right away when the situation required it, the decreasing frequency not hindering him from being back in that first night with Thorin every time.

He'd never believed he'd end up where he was now, all those years ago at Erebor, so scared and intimidated and head over heels in love as he'd been.  
He'd never believed he'd be the one to hold Thorin's hand through all of it, maybe not from the start, but until the very end. Or as long as he'd have him.

And they were doing good, they were fine. Bilbo didn't know how many relationships started at university actually lasted, but he for one didn't feel like ending theirs any time soon. Or ever, for that matter.  
And for some reason he still didn't quite understand, Thorin felt the same. And he let him in. He'd let him in when they'd just been at the start of their relationship and he'd made it a point to never leave Bilbo out after that, in all their years together. If Bilbo had to name one thing he treasured most, it would probably be that.

So he'd been holding him through the night, listening to the sound of his breath in the dark long after he'd fallen back asleep, only resting when the steady metre lulled him back to sleep as well.

He shook the thoughts off and tucked the tests into his bag, focusing on the fact that he had the whole weekend off now. Then he smiled and grabbed the phone, dialing Ori's number.

"Hey, Bilbo“, the other man's cheerful voice sounded after a short pause.

"Good morning“, Bilbo grinned. "You're up and about already, I see?“

"I sure am“, he confirmed, diving into a story about a customer who'd kept him on his toes all week.

Ori worked as an editor and though he loved his job, he was mostly just stressed every time Bilbo talked to him. There was either too much work or too little, too much demand or no clients.

He didn't have to worry about money - his mothering relatives would never let him live in poverty - but he tried to stand on his own feet and not let them interfere with his life too much. Bilbo had had to listen to many stories about Ori's brothers and cousins in the time he'd known him, who apparently had no concept of boundaries.

"Anyway, that's probably not why you called“, he ended his wave of chatter. Bilbo laughed.

"You're right. I actually wanted to ask if you're free today or tomorrow to work a little on our project? I'm done with marking for the weekend and I think we should really use the time when we have it. Before something else happens again.“

"Oh, yes! Absolutely! Hang on.“

Bilbo heard the faint rustling of paper, then Ori's voice sounded again.

"So I'll have to get through three more chapters today, but then I'm done with this story. Can I step by in the evening? I've got tomorrow free, so we can work well into the night if it's necessary. Oh, I'm so looking forward to doing this again!“

"That's great! I'm so glad- it's been what, three weeks?“

"I think four“, Ori corrected and Bilbo cringed.

"So it's long overdue. When did we get so busy?“, he sighed. "Anyway, tonight's fine. You're coming for dinner, yes? Thorin's cooking. Just drop by once you're done.“

"That's settled, then! I'm really looking forward to it“, Ori sighed out. "I'll see you later!“

They finished the call and Bilbo sat back, anticipation prickling in his stomach. Then he hopped up and walked downstairs, joining Dis and her son until Thorin awoke.

He felt ready for lunch by the time he heard Thorin's steps rumbling on the stairs.

Fili was sitting on the sofa, looking through a picture book with deep interest. He looked up when he heard his uncle approaching and jumped from the couch, flinging himself at him when he entered the room. Thorin blinked and looked down to his leg where his nephew was clawing at his trousers.

"Uncle Thorin! You're awake!“

He bent down to gently remove the boy from his lower body before picking him up, raising an eyebrow.

"I seem to be, indeed.“

"Good! I thought you were gonna be sleeping forever. Ma said you were-“ he stopped, frowning.

"I was what?“, Thorin enquired, his eyes shifting to Dis in suspicion. His sister conveniently avoided his gaze.

"I don't remember“, Fili admitted and knitted his brow, clearly displeased. "She said you were...“

"I believe the term she used was "hibernating““, Bilbo supplied and Dis grinned broadly.

"Did she, now“, Thorin mumbled and cast her a dirty look. She winked at him. He returned his gaze to his nephew, who regarded him attentively.

"You don't even know what that means, do you?“ Fili shook his head and Thorin bit back a grin.

"It doesn't mean sleeping forever, just for a very long time. It's something bears do, for example.“

He stepped to the table and sat down, Fili climbing onto his lap immediately. “You know when it's winter and really cold outside? They sleep through all that. They go to sleep in autumn and only wake up when it's warm again.“

"Can you do that, too?“, the boy asked and stared at his uncle in awe. Bilbo snickered and Thorin joined in, brushing a stray strand from the child's face.

"I'm afraid I don't. Or at least I've never tried. Maybe I should, though. What do you think?“

He closed his arms around the boy, pretending to consider the prospect. "I think I will try it. What do you say, I go to sleep tonight and I only wake up again when your brother's already here?“

Fili's eyes grew wide. He seemed to think about that, remembering that it would still take some time until the baby arrived.

"No!“, he squeaked, shuffling forwards to throw his arms around his uncle. "That's too long! You can't sleep that long!“

Thorin chuckled and rested his chin on top of his blond mess of hair, inhaling his scent.

"Alright, alright“, he assured him with a barely hidden smile. "I'll think about it again.“

He rubbed the little body that still embraced him fiercly. Bilbo realised he was watching the two with a soppy smile. 

"Fili, didn't you want to ask Thorin something else?“, Dis chipped in after a moment.

"Oh! Yes! Ma said we can go to the park if you have time, Uncle Thorin!"

"The park? That's a great idea. Good thing that I finished working on my files yesterday“, Thorin smiled. Bilbo rolled his eyes with faint amusement as his gaze darted to him that moment, one of his eyebrows rising cockily.

"I'll just have some breakfast and then we can go, yes?“

"Yes!“, he exclaimed, jumping up and down on his lap, only stopping when he got chastised: "Stop wriggling.“

"I'll go make tea“, Dis commented and left the table.

 

The park was hardly crowded despite the comfortable temperature outside.

Fili was packed into a warm jacket and boots. He was holding his mother's hand, hopping up and down as they walked the paths. Thorin and Bilbo followed them, their arms linked. Bilbo glanced at Thorin's face. His visibly relaxed features made him smile.

"How about this place? Should we sit down here?“, he called soon and Dis turned, nodding.

"Sure, here's fine. It's close enough to the playground, so if Fili wants to he can go and play.“

They settled on a blanket in the meadow. Fili ran off to the playground immediately.

The fresh air was nice and they enjoyed the breeze as they watched the boy playing, chatting about mindless things and nothing of importance, which was nice for a change. Bilbo liked how calm Thorin looked, for once not worried about business meetings or files.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Bilbo's head resting on Thorin's shoulder as he leaned against him, trying to absorb his body heat against the oncoming chill. His eyes wandered over to Dis. She sat stretched out on the blanket, rubbing her round stomach absently. Bilbo watched the motion with a smile, then asked: "Is he moving?“

"Hm?“, she looked up. "Oh, yes.“ She grinned, leaning over to take his hand. She placed it on her stomach and Bilbo grinned when he felt the movement beneath his fingers.

"This is incredible“, he exhaled. "Bit scary, but incredible.“ Thorin chuckled behind him, the low rumble a very pleasant sound.

"Is it always like this when he moves? Is he always this active?“

"Pretty often, yeah“, she nodded, resting her own hands on her stomach again.

"Mum used to say that I was really active in the womb as well“, she smiled. "Seems like he gets that from me. Oh, that reminds me!“ She turned to look at her brother. "We still need to sort out all that stuff in the cottage, you know that, right?“

Thorin sighed and nodded wearily.

Their mother had passed away a while ago, leaving them the holiday cottage which had yet to be worked through. But as it was, there was always something else to do and they still hadn't come around to do it.

"You know how many things there are“, he replied. "It's going to take forever to get through that.“

"I know, which is why we'd best get started“, she countered. "I don't look forward to it either, but it must be done. We can't sell the house with all that stuff in there, we can't use it either.“

"I know, you're right“, he grumbled. "But I don't really have time right now. Especially with de Filer being back and ready to do whatever he's planning next...“

There it was again, that creak in his forehead that betrayed the image of calmness. Bilbo surpressed a sigh and snuggled closer to him, stroking the arm that was twined around his body softly.

"I know“, Dis sighed, exasperation visible on her features. "Oh, whatever. We'll deal with this another day“, she mumbled and let her eyes wander around the park again. "Just don't forget about it, yeah?"

Thorin nodded. She glanced at her phone, checking the time. Then she called after her son.

"Fili, darling, come here!“

She held out a cup to him when he came running. "Here, have some water. You've had a fling, now you should drink something.“

He nodded, gulping down the water, then slumped on the blanket.

"Can I have cookies?“, he asked and eagerly took one when Dis heldout  the box to him.

Bilbo smiled when he felt tender fingers making their way through his hair to his skull, massaging softly. He closed his eyes with a content sigh.

Thorin had the habit of seeking physical contact with Bilbo when he was lost in thought, be it rubbing his ankles or playing with his hair. He leaned into the touch and enjoyed the feeling of his boyfriend's hands swiftly braiding his strands, the year-long practice evident in the sureness of his movement.

When he opened his eyes he noticed Fili watching them, staring at his hair while he nibbled on a cookie.

"What is it?“, Bilbo enquired softly. The boy frowned for a moment, then lowered the cookie and said: "I want these too!“

"What“, he raised an eyebrow, reaching for his braided hair, "this?“ Fili nodded eagerly.

"What do you say?“, Bilbo asked and turned to Thorin, who regarded his nephew estimatingly.

"Oh“, he shrugged. "I suppose I could manage some small ones. Come here“, he said and patted the space between his legs. Bilbo wriggled away and left the boy his place, who immediately crawled to his uncle.

"Turn around.“

Thorin brushed through his nephew's hair tentatively before he remarked: "I could make a few small braids. Do you want them to look like the ones Uncle Bilbo just had?“

The boy nodded enthusiastically and Thorin began parting his hair, seperating strands he'd need for the braids. Bilbo noticed that the creak in his forehead had disappeared again as he was fully occupied with the fidgeting boy in front of him.

"Sit still“, Thorin ordered. Fili stopped wriggling and pulled his knees to his chest, sitting as still as a statue until his uncle released him.

"There you go“, he finished with satisfaction. "Turn around?“ He smiled at the sight of his nephew, his golden hair neatly braided out of his forehead while most of the curls still fell freely from the back of his skull. "Suits you well“, he nodded and the boy beamed, sitting back and clapping eagerly.

"What do you say to your Uncle?“, Dis asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you, Uncle Thorin!“, her son exclaimed and slumped back against him.

 

After they'd managed to drag Fili out of the park again it was almost evening.

Bilbo expected Ori to arrive soon. The prickling excitement in his stomach put a smile on his face. Unable to sit still, he tidied up the room up a bit while Thorin stood in the kitchen and cooked. He hurried to the door when the bell rang, laughing when Ori entered.

"Come in, come in!“, he gesticulated. "It's so good to see you again.“

"And you!“, Ori smiled and dropped his bag on the sofa, taking loads of printed paper out.

"So, I've got the updated outline, your parts from last time, the entirety of chapter seven and thirteen printed out _and_ your own stories, the ones I wanted to read over, all here. But before we start, can we _please_ eat something first? I haven't had anything since you called this morning, I'm starving.“

Ori tended to be immersed in his work so thoroughly that he forgot about all human needs. In this point Bilbo could understand the worry of his mothering family.

"Then you've come at the right time“, Thorin called from the kitchen. He entered the living room with a spoon in his hand. "Hi, Ori. Dinner is ready.“

"Hey, Thorin“, he greeted and sighed in relief. "Oh, thank god. You two are my saviours.“

They settled at the table and had dinner, which was, as usual, an interesting affair. It didn't take long for the conversation to go over to Bilbo and Ori's project.

The two men were working on a cooperative story that had been long in the making and which they were finally writing now.

They both wrote stories on their own, exchanging their work, helping where it was needed. They'd kept in touch long after Erebor and had both been a great source of help for the other. They harmonised so well in their creative process that when Thorin had suggested they write something together, they'd just looked at each other and laughed because it'd been so obvious that they should have done this long ago.

Thorin always volunteered to listen to ideas, give honest feedback where it was required, read over drafts and summaries and endure the whole not-so-glamourous part of the creative process.  
Bilbo knew he did it without even blinking, he did it because he loved him and he wanted to see every part of him. Even the one where Bilbo was sat in front of the laptop screen well into the night, slipping beneath the blanket long after Thorin without feeling like he'd accomplished anything, but willing to do it all over again. Bilbo loved him even more for that.

They quickly cleared the table after dinner. Thorin withdrew himself to the sofa where he sat with his laptop and a mug, waiting to be consulted. Soon the table was covered with too many sheets of papers to keep track of, two laptops and more tea than strictly necessary.

As expected they worked well into the night and by the time Ori left Bilbo felt completely knackered, but also accomplished.

"You didn't have to stay up with us“, Bilbo said after closing the door, surpressing a yawn.

"I know. But I like watching you work“, Thorin smiled. "You made a lot of progress today“, he added and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"Yeah, we did“, Bilbo smiled, closing his eyes at the touch.

"Come on, let's go to sleep.“

 

"Hopefully tonight will be calmer than last“, Thorin mumbled when they lay in bed.

"Yeah, would be nice“, Bilbo sighed out. He turned on his side and caught a strand of Thorin's hair between his fingers. "You know, I've been thinking about what Dis said earlier. About the cottage. You should really start working on it. I know it might be rough with all that stuff from your Mum in there, but she's right. It must be done at one point. And maybe it will bring you more closure. I thought... maybe we could drive there for a weekend, take some time off. Focus on the house.“

He played with the hair as Thorin's gaze rested on him. He kept silent.

"You know I really am busy“, he eventually sighed.

"I know that, I do“, Bilbo assured him. "But I also know that you're getting worse again and we _both_ know that some time off would be good for you. For me, too, by the way. Teaching isn't all sunshine and rainbows“, he remarked. "Look, I know you don't want to leave the business alone, especially now. But you would only be unavailable for one weekend, for now. Bofur's got it all sorted, don't you think?“

He retreated his hand and sighed, wriggling to make himself more comfortable.

"Just think about it, yeah? I'd love to get to spend some time off with you. We could both use it.“

Thorin exhaled and they lay still for a while. When the silence stretched out for so long that Bilbo thought Thorin had fallen asleep, he heard a defeated sigh. A moment later he gave in: "Fine, you're right. I see your point. I'll sort it all out on Monday.“

Bilbo's lips curved into a smile and he stretched to peck his nose.

"Thank you“, he mumbled. He snuggled closer to his boyfriend and thought that he felt a hand softly carressing his curls as he fell asleep, but maybe he was already dreaming.

 


	4. Chapter 4

"You did not!“

"I did“, the man opposite him confirmed with a grin.

Bilbo sat in his living room with Bard, a cup of tea between his hands. He stared at his guest, closing his mouth when he realised that it hung open.

"You published three columns in the New York Times?“, he asked, astonished. " _Three?_ In the six weeks that you've been there?“

Bard nodded, grinning at his expression. “It was no big deal, really“, he added humbly.

"Oh, save it, you!“, Bilbo exclaimed, shaking his head. "That's amazing, Bard. Honestly.“

"Thank you“, he smiled.

They'd decided to meet and catch up when Bilbo'd called Bard a week after their encounter at the company. It was strange seeing the man again after all these years. Sitting on his sofa with a cup of tea he looked so similar, yet so different from the young person he'd met at college. 

He'd told him about his own development. Moving across the country to go to Erebor, doing a double degree. Working as a teacher and now a lecturer, too. Meeting Thorin, moving to a house with his sister and her husband.  
Now he was listening to the stories Bard had to tell, which were, admittedly, quite a bit more adventurous than his own.

"After I left New York I backpacked through the USA for a while. Everyone I met there told me to stay, that I'd be big in America, but something just drew me back to the UK. I came home six months later with innumerable impressions and experiences. And a lot of contacts, too. The editor of a magazine in Minnesota placed me at a journal run by a friend of his in the north of England.“ 

He took a sip of his tea. A dreamy expression unfolded on his face as he continued: "Which is also where I met my wife.“

Bilbo chuckled at the sparkle that appeared in his eyes at the mention of her. He quirked an eyebrow, teasing: "And are there any small... Bardlings?“

Bard grinned and nodded, taking out his phone. 

"There is, one“, he smiled. He scrolled through his gallery to show Bilbo a picture of a small toddler. "Her name's Sigrid. She turns three in spring.“

"Oh, Bard, she's lovely!“, Bilbo exclaimed. "She has your expression“, he added after taking another look at the photo. "Incredible. That's the exact same kind of curiosity in her eyes.“

The man beamed at that and leaned back on the sofa. Then he crooked his head, regarding Bilbo curiously.

"You know, it's strange but you're still very much the same person you were when we went to college“, he mused. "You're older, of course, and time hasn't left you unmarked either, but your being... I don't think it has changed. You have that curiosity too, you know. You've always had it, even back at college. Which reminds me...“ He cringed. "I still owe you an apology.“

"Oh, it's fine, really“, Bilbo chuckled. "It's not like you did something horrible to me. I was young and shy in the face of who I was crushing on. Not to mention entirely inexperienced and tense. So I hardly blame you for trying to make me loosen up a bit.“

"It still wasn't right and I really wish I hadn't done it“, Bard admitted. He brushed through his hair as he sought Bilbo's gaze.

"I knew from the start that I didn't want a relationship, with graduation just around the corner and my plans to leave everything behind after that. So I shouldn't have done any of that dating business in the first place. And especially not getting you drunk and then taking advantage of that to make out a bit.“

He grimaced. "Ugh. That was disgusting of me. I'm really sorry.“

"You can hardly call that 'making out', come on now“, Bilbo grinned, shaking his head. "I may have been tipsy, but I still remember what happened. And I _wanted_ to kiss you, even before the mulled wine, so no harm done. Save for the hangover the next day. But I appreciate the apology“, he smiled.

Bard leaned back with a sigh, obviously relieved. With that weight off his shoulders the conversation soon carried on to other topics.

They talked until Bard checked his phone, jumping at the time.

"Oh god, is it really this late? I have to meet someone in half an hour! I'm so sorry, I have to hurry!“

"Of course, don't worry! There's always work to do, isn't there?“, Bilbo chuckled.

Bard nodded and sipped the rest of his tea, then collected his bag. He turned around once more before leaving.

"It was great catching up with you“, he told Bilbo who had escorted him to the door. "If you're in the mood, just give me a call and we'll find a date to meet up again.“

"I absolutely will“, Bilbo promised. "It was lovely. Now go! Or you're gonna be late.“

He smiled as he closed the door. He thought of all the stories Bard had told him, all the adventures he'd had, as he put their dishes away.

He told Thorin about them when he came home later that day. His partner listened in silence as he avidly recounted what Bard had told him.

"You seem to be impressed“, he stated eventually.

"I am. He's very impressive, he's had an impressive life. You know, his parents died when he was hardly a teenager. He was very self-dependent when he grew up. The old aunt he lived with wanted him to be as independent as possible. He's had a lot to deal with before he went and took his life in his own hands.“

"Did he.“

The unimpressed tone made Bilbo turn around. He regarded Thorin with narrowed eyes.

"Thorin“, he began slowly, "what exactly's going on with you? You don't... oh. God, you're not- you're not _jealous_ , are you?“

The taller man didn't reply as he held his gaze stubbornly, the bland mask only betrayed by the ever so slight frown he just didn't manage to hide.

Bilbo shook his head, stinging an accusing finger into his chest.

"You are!“

"Well, maybe I just noticed that you seem to have a thing for tall, dark-haired men with a tragic past“, Thorin mumbled defensively. He looked offended when Bilbo snorted at that.

"Yeah, and so I'm just going to jump at the next person who fits the criteria. Since I'm so tired of you.“ 

He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's torso. 

"You stupid git“, he chuckled as he shook his head, stretching up to press a kiss to his lips.

"There's no need to get possessive“, he mumbled against his mouth. "As if I'd ever leave you, for anybody. As if anyone could compare.“

He hummed contently when Thorin pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace.

"You're so endearing“, he chuckled and couldn't help the grin spreading on his face at the sharp intake of breath that comment evoked from his boyfriend.

"I am in no way endearing“, Thorin declined.

"No, I'm pretty sure you are“, Bilbo grinned and pulled him down for another kiss.

Their moment was interrupted when Dis called from downstairs. They went down and found Dwalin sitting at the kitchen table, seemingly unimpressed by the fact that Fili was attempting to put braids in his hair.

He merely grunted in response when they greeted him.

"Long night?“, Thorin enquired. Dwalin only smirked in response and Thorin laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. Bilbo stumped him with his elbow when Fili regarded them curiously. He changed the subject before questions could arise.

"It's good to see you here again! Are you just stopping by or is something up?“

"Aye, just stopping by. Woke up with a desperate need for my dear cousin's hangover recipe this aftern- this morning.“ 

He glanced at Fili. "Whatever, I've wanted to come over for a while anyway. Haven't seen you lot in weeks.“

"That's true“, Thorin nodded. "We've been busy. There's a lot happening at the company“, he sighed.

Dwalin quirked an eyebrow and Thorin sat down, telling him about Azog de Filer and what he'd been up to since he'd returned.

"He just called again, last week“, he frowned. "I don't know what he wants from us, or rather what he expects. He requested a meeting. As if we had time for his little games“, he huffed. "I scheduled it as far back as I could. I don't even want to hear what he's on about.“

"I'd really like to know what he wants from you“, Bilbo frowned. "Generally, I mean. Why he took such a great fancy to Durin Co. of all companies.“

"I can't think of any reason either“, Thorin mumbled. "He surfaced out of nowhere and kept bugging us ever since. It's just unpleasant.“

"Don't work yourself up over it“, Dwalin chipped in. "He can't force you to cooperate.“

"I hope that he can't“, Thorin brooded, but let the topic slip after that.

"Bilbo, I forgot to tell you“, he remembered instead. "I talked to Bofur, he told me he'd be fine taking care of everything for a weekend. I can leave on Friday already, he says he'll manage. So in theory, we could drive up to the cottage this weekend.“

"Oh, that's great!“ Bilbo's face lit up. "I only teach the first two periods on Fridays, so leaving earlier is no problem. I say that's settled, then!“

"You're going to the cottage?“ Dis' head appeared from the kitchen. "That's good! So we're finally getting a bit of work done there.“

"Yeah, we're going“, Bilbo smiled.

"It was Bilbo's idea“, Thorin added. "I didn't actually want to because it's so stressful at the company right now and something could happen anytime, but... he's right, we could both use a weekend off.“

"Well, it's not like it's incredibly far away, is it?“, Dis said and rolled her eyes. "It's half an hour drive from here, Thorin. Should the whole business collapse to the point where even Bofur's out of his depth, you could still be back in no time anyway.“

Thorin had to agree that she had a point.

"I think it's great that you're going. You both deserve some time off. Together.“ She winked and disappeared into the kitchen again.

"If Dis says so, it's settled“, Dwalin commented from across the table with a smirk. "Isn't that right, fella?“

Fili looked up from his occupation and nodded as though he'd understood the remark completely.

"Uncle Dwalin, can I ride on your shoulders?“, he asked a moment later.

Dwalin's eye twitched subtly. Bilbo had to bite his lip to hide his grin. He wouldn't want to trade with him. Carrying a fidgeting child on your shoulders was demanding enough on a good day, he didn't feel the desire to try it with a hangover.

Dwalin only hesitated a second before straightening his back, his face a perfect display of determination.

"Aye, come here.“ 

He grabbed the boy and positioned him on his shoulders. He instructed him to hold on tightly before he started walking, facing the doomed task that lay before him.

"Ride hard“, Thorin commented dryly as they passed by him.

His nephew nodded eagerly, following the advice immediately. The look Dwalin shot his cousin spoke more than any profanity could. Bilbo didn't hide his grin any longer as Dwalin exited the room to the sound of Fili's delighted laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

Bilbo had never been to the cottage before so he didn't quite know what he expected. As they stood in front of the house, he realised that it hadn't been this.

"This is a _holiday_ house?“, he asked in disbelief as Thorin opened the boot of the car.

"It is“, Thorin nodded and grabbed their bags, walking to the front door.

"It's bloody huge“, Bilbo mumbled as he followed his steps.

"We used to come here all the time when I was a kid“, Thorin told him as they went inside. "At least twice a year. We didn't anymore after- after the fire.“ 

He swallowed and his gaze dragged around the hallway. He shivered slightly as he seemed to be remembering days long gone.

He blinked as he shook off the thoughts, continuing: "It belonged to my father's uncle, he let us use it whenever we wanted a holiday. He left it to my mother when he died. Took her ages before she could come back here, though. The memories were probably too much for her, with Frerin _and_ my father gone...“

He trailed off for a moment. "She used it as a sort of storage afterwards, I think. Which is why there's so much stuff here that needs to be sorted.“

He stopped in his tracks and looked at Bilbo.

"Really. It's a lot.“

"I don't see much yet“, Bilbo shrugged as he looked around. The rooms weren't filled with much more than furniture.

"Wait till you see the back of the house. And the basement“, Thorin mumbled.

They put down their things and Bilbo got the chance to take a look around for the first time.

"This place is so big“, he said as he strode through the rooms. His voice seemed to echo through the halls. He shook his head in disbelief. "This is a lot bigger than my parent's house and you know that isn't small either. I can't believe it's just a holiday lodging.“

"Well, I do think my uncle used to live here full-time, at one point“, Thorin admitted. "But then he moved and rented this place to other people. Or let us use it.“

He followed Bilbo, who had stopped in his tracks when he reached one of the bedrooms.

"Oh.“

"Told you“, Thorin sighed. The room was stuffed with cardboard boxes and bags that were scattered all across the floor. Bilbo turned slowly and patted Thorin's shoulder as he stepped away from the door.

"I suggest we clean the living room and our bedroom and leave the rest for tomorrow. If there's even more in the basement then we won't get it all done, anyway.“

"I'm certain that we won't. But we can at least start. Tomorrow“, he agreed.

They went looking for cleaning utensils and, once they'd gotten rid of the dirt that had gathered in the past months, slumped on the sofa together. Bilbo leaned against his boyfriend and exhaled a happy sigh, feeling entirely at peace when his arms closed around him.

“You know, this is nice“, Bilbo mumbled with his head resting on Thorin's chest. His eyes fluttered shut at the soft rub of the man's hand on his belly. “Just the two of us. Doing nothing. I really miss this.“

“I know. I do too. I'm sorry it's this way right now.“ 

He took Bilbo's hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. “Though it does make me cherish these moments even more.“

Bilbo smiled. He kept his eyes closed, listening to the familiar sound of his breathing.

The comfortable silence was eventually interrupted by Bilbo's stomach making a distinct sound. Thorin chuckled at the growling noise and Bilbo sighed, knowing all too well that this meant the end of their small moment. Curse his ever-hungry stomach.

“Come on, I'll start with dinner.“ Thorin nudged his arm. “We'll have enough time for this later.“

Bilbo hummed contently as Thorin nuzzled his neck. 

“Just this?“, he asked as he sat up reluctantly. Thorin merely smirked in response.

 

When their stomachs were filled Bilbo arranged the bedroom and changed into something more comfortable. Then he joined Thorin in the living room.

The taller man was sitting on the sofa again. Bilbo was delighted to see that he was leaning over his sketchbook. He scribbled something until the sound of Bilbo's socked feet padding over the floor made him look up. His lips twitched at his casual clothes. He raised an eyebrow as Bilbo approached him.

“Ready for bed already?“, he teased.

“Yeah, I think I am. You know, I'm horribly tired all of a sudden. Your food was just too good, I'm gonna need to take a nap now“, Bilbo replied earnestly and faked a yawn.

Thorin's disapproving gaze sent him into laughter and he lowered himself onto the couch, wriggling half on top of him. Thorin put away the sketchbook to pull him closer. The well-known scent of his skin brought a smile to Bilbo's lips and he buried his face in his shirt, inhaling deeply.

“Do you know that I love you?“, he mumbled and peeked up. He felt the vibration going through Thorin's body as he laughed in response.

“I do“, he nodded and tightened his grip around him. “But do you know that I love you too?“

“Mhhh“, Bilbo hummed. “I think you told me once or twice, yeah.“ 

Then he chuckled and leaned onto his elbow, looking at his face. “I know you love me. I don't know why, but you do, that's more than I could ask for.“ 

He stretched and met Thorin's lips, which opened willingly to grant him entrace.

“I can't tell you why I love you“, he murmured between kisses. “That would be silly. It's obvious.“ He wandered along his jaw, pressing soft pecks to the sensitive skin. Bilbo gasped when he bit his earlobe softly, soothing the spot with a tender brush of his lips immediately. “You're incredible. You're my One. My greatest treasure.“ 

He cupped Bilbo's face and the smaller man let him in readily as he reunited their lips. They didn't part until the kiss turned into something closer to panting into each other's mouths.

“Do you want to-“

“Bedroom? Yes.“

Thorin's mouth was on him again before they hit the mattress. Bilbo gasped as he wandered lower, leaving trails of wet kisses on his sensitive skin. He thought that it was a good thing that they'd delayed the work to the next day.

Then he thought nothing like that for a while.

 

Bilbo woke with a warm sense of contentment in his limbs the next morning. He opened his eyes to the unfamiliar room and rolled over, pausing when he found Thorin watching him from his side of the bed.

“Good morning”, he greeted him, a sly grin lingering on his face. Bilbo blinked at him.

“You know that is _kind_ of creepy, don't you?” He turned over until he was facing his boyfriend. “But good morning to you, too”, he added.

He dragged his gaze over Thorin's body, stopping short when he noticed that his hair was damp.

“Have you had a shower already?”

Thorin nodded. “You were sleeping like a log. I got up and went to the bathroom an hour ago. After I changed I thought about starting with the boxes already, but”, he paused and smirked, “then I thought that I haven't watched you sleep for a long time and I should do that when I had the chance. So I came back to bed.”

“I can't believe it”, Bilbo muttered as he sat up. “You exhausted me so much last night that I slept through all that.”

He ignored the smirk on Thorin's face growing bigger as he stretched, still feeling a bit stiff from the night before.

“Then I suppose I should go to the bathroom as well”, he sighed, displeased with the thought of having to leave the bed. Having to leave it without morning cuddles, too. What a bloody shame.

“Breakfast will be ready when you get out”, Thorin promised and that prospect mollified Bilbo's mood. _He knows the way to my heart_ , he thought as he crawled out of bed, giving in to his responsibilities at last.

 

“Where do you want to start?”

“...the bedroom? Yes, let's start with the bedroom”, Thorin sighed. “I don't think we'll get much farther than that anyway.”

“Let's begin, then”, Bilbo tried to animate him. He nudged him into the room when he still didn't move, following his reluctant steps. He rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a random box.

“You've got to tell me what to keep and what to throw out”, he remarked as he opened it.

“All clothes go into that bag”, Thorin said and pointed to the door. “All useless or broken junk goes in that one and everything else I need to look at, so you best put it there.”

He nodded and they got to work.

Bilbo rummaged through the cardboard box, which was as full as it got. He smiled when he looked at the things he found, things that had unmistakably belonged to Thorin's mother.

He remembered the first time he'd met Amira vividly. He'd been so nervous, meeting your partner's mother was no trifle after all. When it had become clear that they weren't going to break up any time soon they'd started meeting each other's relatives. Bilbo'd been accepted and liked well enough by the rest of the family - Dis and Dwalin still seemed to be his number one fans - but he was still insecure about Thorin's mother.  
Thorin had said that she was fine with him being with a man, but Bilbo knew that often times parents were 'fine' with it until their child actually brought home a partner of the same gender. 

He'd tugged at his shirt endlessly until Thorin had gently put his hands over his, mumbling a sweet reassurance into his ear.

Then Amira had shown up. Bilbo had been so stricken by the improbable resemblance to her daughter that he'd gaped at her in a rather unflattering way. And she'd looked at him like he was the most precious thing she'd ever seen. She'd pulled him to her chest with such warmth and acceptance that he'd almost wanted to start crying.

“You've helped my boy a great deal”, she'd told him. “He's so lucky to have found you. Welcome to our family.”

And Bilbo had swallowed and nodded, touched by the warm welcome, while his boyfriend had flushed next to him.

They'd gotten along well after that. Even though she lived far from them they visited often.

It had been rough for everyone when she'd been diagnosed with cancer. Her ending had been prepared for, but it still left a gaping hole in their lives.

Looking through her things now brought back a lot of memories and Bilbo smiled at them with fondness.

“Oh my God”, he mumbled halfway through the carton, pulling out a small shoe box. “Oh my God, Thorin, look at this.”

He opened it and revealed a pair of tiny boots, just big enough for a toddler. Thorin looked up, raising his eyebrows at the sight.

“I believe those were mine”, he commented with a frown. Bilbo stared at the small shoes in wonder, laughing.

“That is honestly so adorable”, he stated. “Why did she keep them?”

“She kept all our first shoes. Don't ask me why. If you look further you should find Dis' and Frerin's in there too.”

Bilbo grinned and put the carton aside, diving into the depths of the box again.

They made slow progress, but eventually they'd emptied some of the cartons. Thorin got up to fetch a drink and Bilbo sat back on his heels, looking around the room. His gaze was caught by a silver box, neatly positioned in an open carton he'd been about to work through.

He reached for it, curiously turning it in his hands before peeking inside.

“What have you got there?”, Thorin asked. He'd reappeared with a bottle in his hand, watching him from the doorway.

“Here”, he said and handed him the drink before sitting down next to him.

“Look at this”, Bilbo mumbled, flipping through the content. “It's letters, dozens of letters.”

He took a few out, passing them on to Thorin, who took them curiously.

“These are really old”, he remarked, glancing at the postmark. “1985, 1986-” He flipped through the envelopes. “That must've been around the time my parents met. How many are there?”

“I can't tell, but it's a whole lot”, Bilbo replied. “And not all of them are in their original envelope, so I can't tell much about them. This is so interesting!” He stuffed the letters back in, handing the box to his boyfriend.

“Here, take it. We'd better get to work again, but we can take this home.”

"Yes, we should. Dis will love these", Thorin smiled.

He took the box and moved it to their bags before returning to the room's mess, facing another round of unpacking and cleaning with a sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

The company was already buzzing with life when Thorin returned Monday morning. He climbed the stairs to his office, resisting the urge to groan when he reached the door. He was greeted by a stack of files on his desk with a note on top, scribbled in Bofur's handwriting: “Tried to keep it as small as possible. Hope you got a good rest.”

Thorin repressed a sigh. He already felt the peace and calm of the long weekend draining away from his mind. And he hadn't even started working. 

He flipped through the documents while the coffee machine prepared him a cup. He stopped at a thick file which he knew just too well, the words “A. de Filer” scribbled on a pink post-it on top. Bofur had left another note beneath it: “Ring me up when you reach this one.”

He frowned and dialed his number first thing after taking a sip from his mug.

“You're quick”, Bofur greeted him after a brief pause.

“I'm stressed. What happened?”

“Nothing much, really. I kept everything running. Henson called Friday night, he said-”

“I mean what happened with de Filer”, Thorin interrupted.

“Oh, right. Yes, hang on, just a moment.”

He could hear the other man rummaging through paper on the other end of the line. The silence stretched and Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling deeply.

“Got it! Just a second.” Something rustled again and another long moment passed until he finally spoke.

“Alright, so, de Filer called again. Right after you left on Friday. Bit creepy, that was. As though he knew exactly when you were going.”

“What did he want? I already scheduled the meeting he requested”, Thorin growled.

“Yes, about that. He did a lot of talking, as usual. Really likes to hear himself speaking, that one. Essentially what he wanted to do was try and push the date forwards.” Bofur huffed out a laugh. “When we told him that we're not free before next week he suggested to come over right then and there. For an impromptu meeting, as he called it.”

“Oh, how curious”, Thorin spit out. “Just when I'm not in the house, huh? How did he even know about that?”

“No idea, boss.”

“But _why?_ I don't understand. What's his plan, what does he want?”

Thorin shook his head in incomprehension.

“If only we knew”, Bofur sighed out. “Other than the fact that he wants to make a deal with us, likely to take over Durin Co. and strip us of every power, I honestly don't know what he's on about. I guess you'll have to find out when you meet him.”

“Yeah, you're right. I can hardly wait”, Thorin remarked dryly before he let out a sigh. “Alright, thanks for the update. I'm gonna get started on the pile you left me here now.”

“There's something else.”

Thorin didn't miss the change in his tone. His eyes narrowed as he sat up straight, alarm rushing through him.

“What?”

Bofur sighed. There was a slight pause before he said: “The Irish company called. They're out.”

Thorin closed his eyes.

He'd known that they'd drop out of the deal. He'd known. Why did this come as such a shock? He exhaled audibly, resisting the urge to bang his head on the table.

“Fuck”, he stated.

“Yep.” There was silence at the other end of the line. Bofur gave him a little moment before he asked: “What now?”

Thorin noticed that his chest was heaving. He struggled to stay focused as he tried to come up with an adequate solution. He knew that there was none.

“We go on. Call those interested parties we negotiated with in August - what was their name again? Hallford, I think. Yes, call them, talk to them about the possibility of another offer. Tell them we're willing to compromise.” He stopped, biting his lip. “ _Can_ we compromise?”

“I suppose we can”, Bofur sighed. “You know, boss, they're going to try to press us. If they want us to cooperate with their environmentally harmful-”

“We can't do that”, Thorin interrupted. “Not yet.” He rubbed his temple. “Efficient and eco-friendly mining is what Durin Co. stands for. It's what my father worked for. I can't just give that up. Even if we're close to being in the red- I can't.”

“Aye, I understand. I don't want to let that go, either. Doesn't feel right.”

“Yes”, Thorin breathed out. He glanced at his calendar.

“Right. Can you tell everyone to be in meeting room three at one thirty? We need to make a strategy.”

“Sure, boss. I'll leave you to your files, then. See you later!”

They ended the call and Thorin was left with a stack of documents in front of him, waiting to be filed. He put his head in his hands, resisting the urge to go up and leave. To go home and hide in the bedroom, draw something to ease the stress. To call Bilbo and allow him to soothe him, let him tell him that it would be alright, and believe it.

He did none of these things. He had a business to run.

He sat up straight and got to work.

 

He came home later than he'd intended, the pile on his desk just continuing to grow all day. He was greeted by warm arms wrapping round his waist as he dropped his bag. He stroked his thumb over his boyfriend's hand, then turned to receive a proper hug.

“Hey”, Bilbo mumbled and nuzzled his face into his shirt. “You're late.”

“I'm sorry”, he replied. “It was a really long day.” He closed his eyes and inhaled his boyfriend's scent. “It's good to be home.”

Thorin enjoyed his work. He really did. Sure, there were parts of it that left him staggering on a weekly basis; finances, the stress, the uncertainness of deals. But he believed in what he was working for. He loved Durin Co. and what it stood for, he felt proud to carry on his father's legacy.

Bilbo knew all that, and though Thorin knew he hated seeing him so stressed and on the edge, he never uttered a word about it.  
Not that he didn't voice his displeasure at the toll the work was taking on Thorin. But not once had he asked him to stop, suggested that he take another job, though God knew how many times Thorin had thought that himself. He knew that this was too important to him. He never questioned it, supporting him quietly through it.

He let go only wistfully as Bilbo drew back and pulled him to the kitchen.

“Let's have dinner. I waited for you, I'm starving.”

 

The tapping of little feet on the stairs a while later announced the arrival of their nephew.

“Uncle Thorin!”, the boy cried as he crossed the room, flinging himself to Thorin's leg. “You're finally home! I waited for you to come back!”

“And what time do you call this?”, Thorin demanded to know, raising an eyebrow. He bit back a smile. Fili was already in his pyjamas and had the integrity to look sheepish. Then he tugged at his trousers, climbing onto his lap when Thorin sat back, granting him more space.

“Where's your Ma?”, Thorin asked, brushing wild strands of hair out of his face.

“She's coming in a moment”, the boy replied. He wriggled up and down on his uncle's legs. “She's talking to Dad!”

“Oh, is she? Did you talk to him, too?”

“Yes!”, he crowed. “He told me to go to bed but I want a story first.”

“Of course, can't go to bed without a good night's tale”, Thorin affirmed. He caught Bilbo's eyes over the boy's head, smiling at the fond gaze directed at them both.

“And what story do you want to hear tonight?”

“The one with the cat”, Fili decided immediately and snuggled his head to his uncle's chest. Thorin ran his hand over his blond hair.

“Oh, you really have it with your cats, don't you?”, Bilbo mumbled from the other sofa. Thorin raised an eyebrow. Before he could ask he heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Listen, I think your Ma is coming”, he whispered to the boy's head.

“Fili, darling?” Dis appeared in the doorway, smiling when she found him leaned to his uncle's chest. He didn't move, merely turning his head to his mother.

“Your son's out of bed”, Thorin stated and quirked an eyebrow at his sister.

“I can see that”, she replied and sat down. “It's late, darling. You should go to sleep.”

Fili looked at her in despair. His lower lip looked suspiciously like it was about to start wobbling.

“I want a story first”, he pleaded. Thorin doubted he'd stay awake long enough to hear the end of one, as his eyes kept falling shut already. But he still insisted.

“Yes, of course”, Dis assured him. “I wouldn't send you off to bed without a story, darling. Who do you want to read to you?”

Fili chewed on his lip. “I want Uncle Thorin to do it”, he said and wrapped his arms around him as he glanced up. “You haven't read to me in a long time”, he mumbled. The words were heavy with his tiredness. Thorin felt guilt nagging at him as he looked down on the child.

“I know, Fili. I'm sorry”, he said quietly. “I have a lot of work to do right now. But I'm going to read to you when I can, like tonight.”

“Good”, the boy sighed. Thorin ran a hand over his small back and closed his eyes, savouring the touch of his nephew.

When he opened his eyes he realised that Fili was breathing evenly, his eyes closed. Thorin smiled, remaining still for another moment. When he moved to get up, the boy stirred slightly.

“Read me a story”, he mumbled into his shirt and Thorin carressed his hair, holding him as he got up. “Please”, he added even quieter, already half asleep.

“Of course”, Thorin assured quietly as he carried the boy downstairs. “Of course I'm going to read you a story.”

 

It was these moments of joy and relaxation that held him overwater. Seeing his nephew, talking to Dis, being with Bilbo. They were valuable and he cherished them whenever they happened.

Still, it didn't take him long to notice the change in his mood. The stress took its toll. He felt that underneath his grumpiness and irritability, he was staggering.

He acknowledged it, having long learned that surpressing it didn't do any good, but tried not to let it show nonetheless. Bilbo was so sensible to his mental state, he always noticed. Thorin didn't want him to worry. He couldn't hide it, especially when he was faced with increased episodes again. And he didn't want to hide it. But he still hated worrying Bilbo.

It was times like this he realised just how much he leaned on the man.

If he were a poet, a man of words; skilled with the art of expressing oneself through combined letters instead of connected lines, he'd say that Bilbo was the light of his life, his sun, his moon and stars in the darkest night.

Thorin wasn't a poet. He could still be soppy sometimes.

Bilbo knew him. In his details, in his entirety. He knew what kind of movies he liked, that he wouldn't leave the bed on Sundays if there wasn't the promise of someone waiting for him out there, that he took his tea ridiculously sweet. He knew what Thorin liked, he knew how to make him squirm beneath his skillful fingers. He knew when Thorin wasn't well. He knew where to put his hands when he was hurting, soothing him with the exact right touch.

Thorin knew Bilbo too, inside out. And yet, he still managed to surprise him, after ten years. Laughing at a certain joke, doing something he'd never have expected, loving him with such fierceness it took Thorin aback.

He couldn't imagine his life without Bilbo anymore. He hardly remembered what it had been like before they'd met. He knew that if he ever lost him, he'd lose his heart along with him. He shivered when he thought about that.  
Sometimes it scared him that he cared so much about another person. But it was in his blood, he was prone to it. When he loved, he loved fiercely. Wholeheartedly. When someone was considered family, he'd walk a thousand miles to keep them save and happy. It had always been like this in his family. He'd do it for Bilbo, for his sister, his nephew. The baby. He couldn't stand losing another person. He couldn't afford that.

He hoped that he'd never have to.

 

“What happened to those letters you brought back from the cottage?”, Dis asked one night.

Thorin looked up from his book. “Huh? Oh, you mean Ma's? To be honest, I completely forgot about them until now.”

“Well, no wonder”, Dis chided. “All you ever do nowadays is work. I know there's a lot to do and you're worried, but it's not good for you. _I'm_ worried. I know Bilbo is.”

“I know you both are”, Thorin sighed. “I can't help it, there's always more to do as soon as I'm done with something. Once we regain some of our stability it'll get better, but nobody knows when that will be...”

“I know. But taking a break from time to time would still be good for you.” She squeezed his shoulder. “And I'd still like to see those letters. Bring them down here when you're free. We can read through them together.”

“I'll make sure to make time for it”, Thorin promised.

And that weekend, he actually took the box and brought it downstairs.

"I've got half an hour of time", he announced. "Let's use it."

Fili was seated on the floor, drawing a series of portraits of his family with absolute concentration. Thorin, Dis and Bilbo sat on the sofa, the box full of letters in front of them.

“I can't believe there are this many”, Dis said and shook her head at the sight. “We will never get through them all. And some of them are really thick, too. Like she wrote novels and sent them by post.”

“You know Ma”, Thorin shrugged. “She always loved her stories.”

“Can you tell which one's the oldest?” Bilbo asked, flipping through some envelopes. “I've got some from 1986 here.”

“I have one from 1985”, Dis announced. “Let's just start with this one. It's addressed to Dad.”

She opened the envelope.

“Oh, brace yourselves”, she grinned. “I think this is a love letter.”

Bilbo, who'd never met Thrain, sat up, intrigued. Thorin raised his eyebrows.

“Do I really want to hear this?”

“Yes, you do”, Bilbo shushed him. Dis cleared her throat and began reading.

 

“ _Dear Thrain,_

_it's been three weeks since I last saw you and I want to be honest with you; the days felt like a month each. Everything is still the same here, though I am changed so much. My parents don't suspect anything, luckily. I told them I was at Sara's house the night we saw each other. Sara knows about us, though. I had to let her in on it in case they asked her. She won't give us away._

_I feel bad asking already, but I need to know: when will you be able to come back to Ireland? I feel imprisoned without you. I can leave the house, but all I can think while I'm gone is that I'm going to have to come back._

_I hope things are good with you. I read an article about Durin Co. in the papers last week. You're well-known by now. Maybe you'll be stable enough to support us both in a few months time, so I can finally join you in England._

 

_Please continue to send your letters to my lockbox. I'm checking it every day._

 

_Love,_

_Amira_

 

 

That's so weird”, Dis stated, lowering the sheet of paper. “Ma was 19 when she wrote this. That's so much younger than I am now. Eleven years.”

“You can still recognise her in those words”, Thorin said with a hint of a smile. “That really sounds like her, if a bit younger.”

“Now I know what she meant", Bilbo mumbled. "When she said that she knew what it was like to be forbidden to love someone." He lowered his gaze and flipped through some of the other letters.

“Thorin”, he said after a moment, not looking up. “Look at this. These are not all from or to Amira.” He held up an envelope. “This one's addressed to your father, but it's written by someone I don't know.”

“What?”

“Here”, he handed him the letter. “And there's more of these here.”

Thorin turned the paper in his hands.

“D. Smaug”, he read the addresser's name. “Never heard of them.” He frowned. “There are more? Why did Ma keep them?”

“Maybe they were important to Dad?”, Dis mused, cocking her head. “Let me see”, she demanded. She unfolded the letter and scanned the page, frowning.

“This is...”, she began, trailing off. “This is like a business letter, but it isn't really. I've seen those official ones, they didn't look like this.” She read on, knitting her brow even more. “This really isn't friendly at all”, she then said. “Here, listen:

 

_Mr. Durin -_

_it surprised me to receive your rather_ definite _answer to my suggestion. Did my offer not clear any questions you might have had left? I believed I had made myself and my intentions for you and your company clear. Still, I'm giving you one more chance to reevaluate. Perhaps you misunderstood the terms I laid out. Though I can't fathom how daft one'd have to be for that._  
_You are not daft, Mr. Durin. You're a smart man. You don't want to lose, do you?_

_I hereby invite you to rethink your answer again. Surely you see how kind and generous of an allowance that is. I expect you to act accordingly. It would be unwise to waste my time._

_I await your response in due time._

 

 _D. Smaug_ ”

 

Dis looked up and stared at her brother.

“Okay, what the bloody hell was that?”, Bilbo asked eventually. Thorin held his sister's gaze and shook his head.

“I don't know. I've never heard of this person before.”

“Me neither”, Dis frowned. “But the fact that Ma kept these letters shows that they mean something.”

"Right."

“Don't you have the old files in the basement anymore like you used to?”, Dis asked.

“We do”, he confirmed. “You mean I should look into them, see if I find anyone called Smaug?”

She nodded.

“Alright. I'm on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. So. Foreshadowing much? More like throwing a rock at you guys. Sorry about that :D
> 
> So this was a bit different this time, following Thorin instead of Bilbo. It was a bit challenging at first, but I had so much fun in the end, I hope it shows!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two. Honestly. Get a room.  
> Also - introducing Dwalin and Ori! To each other, I mean. Who should also get a room. Seriously. Tsk, tsk.
> 
> (Is Bilbo the one with the waistcoat kink? Is it me? We just don't know.)

“You sure?”

“Yes. I checked twice, there's nothing about anyone called 'Smaug'.”

Thorin let out a sigh and rubbed his temple. 

“Could it be that something evaded us and wasn't included in the digital archive?”

Durin Co.'s archive had been modernised some years ago, making every file available in digital form now.

“Possible, but unlikely”, the employee replied. “Most of the paper files are still in the basement. I can send someone down to check it, boss.”

“That would be fantastic. Thanks, Rossi.”

Bilbo turned to look at Thorin behind his desk as he finished the call.

“No luck?”

“No”, he confirmed. “They'll look through the basement for me, but it's unlikely they'll find something there that isn't in the databank.”

“That's a pity”, Bilbo sighed. “I really wanted to know what happened between that Smaug and your father.”

“Me too”, Thorin frowned.

“I guess we won't find out, then”, Bilbo mumbled. “Unless...” He trailed off as he glanced at his boyfriend, chewing on his lower lip. Thorin turned to him, regarding him expectantly.

“Unless what?”, he asked, quirking an eyebrow when Bilbo still didn't say anything. The smaller man cocked his head before he spoke. 

“You know, I could call Bard and ask him to look into it.”

“ _Bard?_ Why him?”

“Because he's a journalist, genius", Bilbo replied, rolling his eyes. "He's very good at what he's doing." He ignored the way Thorin's eyes narrowed ever so slightly at that remark. "I'm sure he can find something out about a certain D. Smaug. If I call him and ask him to.”

Thorin knitted his brows as he chewed on his lip.

“I'm going to call him anyway, at one point”, Bilbo added, resisting the urge to roll his eyes again. “I might as well bring it up, don't you think? He'll be glad to help, I know that. And he'll want to know what happened, too."

His boyfriend let out a sustained sigh. “Fine”, he grumbled. “Call your Bard. See if he's any good, maybe he'll actually be of help.”

“He's not 'my' Bard, but I will, then”, Bilbo smirked, jumping up to fetch his phone.

“Bilbo! It's good to hear from you again”, Bard's voice sounded from the other end of the line.

“Hello, Bard”, he grinned and surpressed a snort when he saw Thorin's face. He did look a lot like he'd just tasted a lemon. “How are you?” 

They chatted for a bit until Bilbo approached the topic he'd wanted to bring up. “Look, there's a reason I'm calling you”, he began.

“What, you didn't just yearn for my charming presence?”, Bard asked and Bilbo could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Naturally”, he repied dryly. “No, listen. I've got a bit of an interesting story here and I could use your help with it, if you're up to it. Have you got a few minutes?”

“Fire away”, Bard said and Bilbo leaned back, telling him what they'd found so far.

“There's something really fishy about this”, he finished. “You should see that letter, Bard. Sadly it's all we have, there's nothing about a 'Smaug' in Durin Co.'s archive.”

“Did you read all of those letters yet?”

“Not yet, no. We only just discovered the one I mentioned yesterday. We're looking through them as soon as we find the time, but it's a lot. And anything but uncluttered.”

“Okay, do that. If you find something else, tell me about it. I can always use some leads.”

“So you're gonna look into it?”, Bilbo asked.

“I will, as soon as I find the time”, Bard promised. “That's an interesting story you got there, Bilbo. I'm intrigued. If it turns out to be nothing, I'll have helped you find something out about your family. And if there really is something going on, I can make a big story out of this.”

“And you'd deserve it”, Bilbo smiled. “But that's great to hear, Bard. Honestly - thank you, so much. We owe you.”

“Nonsense. If this is as big as it could be, I owe _you_ ”, Bard countered. “I promise to look into it. I'll keep you updated!”

“Thank you. And good luck!”

“So he's not opposed to it, then”, Thorin commented from behind him when he finished the call. Bilbo turned from the window and cocked his head as he regarded his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who was leaning on his desk in a tight waistcoat. Which was _really_ complimenting his appealing shape.

“He promised to look into it”, he affirmed, tucking away his phone. “So, now that we've got that out of the way”, he slowly stepped closer to the taller man, “we can turn our attention to _other_ things.”

Thorin welcomed him into his arms and without further ado, Bilbo dove into a hungry kiss.

“You know, I'm actually here to work”, Thorin mumbled to his mouth when Bilbo kept sucking on his lips, licking into his parted mouth. The man only pressed himself closer to Thorin in response.

“It's your fault if you don't get any work done”, Bilbo shrugged and merrily continued devouring his lips, tugging on Thorin's clothes as he did so. “That waistcoat...” He exhaled a deep sigh into Thorin's parted mouth, evoking a low groaning from him. “You know what your waistcoats do to me.”

“I don't wear waistcoats to aesthetically please you”, Thorin countered. Bilbo snorted. Turn him on on sight, more like it.

“But you do, actually”, he mumbled, pondering over how he'd get his boyfriend to shut up and follow his lead instead. “I know you do.”

He slid his hands over the silky fabric in a suggestive manner, diving beneath the cloth teasingly before retreating his hands, wrapping them back around his neck. Thorin didn't reply, since he was more than a little occupied with Bilbo's eager lips on his own. Bilbo swiftly considered pushing Thorin flat onto the desk he was leaning against. If he could just crawl on top of him-

“It may or may not play into the decision as to how often I wear them”, Thorin admitted when he broke the contact. His hands found their way to Bilbo's neck as he tried to even his breath, which failed terribly when Bilbo cornered his leg with both of his, leaving no space at all between them. Every movement created friction that only added to Bilbo's heated state. And Thorin's.

“You are evil”, Thorin panted as he tried to swerve the kisses directed at him weakly. “Why do you want me to get fired?”

“You can't be fired. You're the boss”, Bilbo mumbled between wet pecks, placed generously from his mouth to his jaw.

“Why do you want my employees to walk in on us and never look at me again for the rest of my life?”

“Why do you speak such long sentences when you could be doing something _much_ better with that mouth of yours?”, was all Bilbo replied. He loosened one hand from where he'd gripped Thorin's neck and lowered it to his groin.

“ _Bilbo!_ ”

“What?”

“We can't.”

“We can. We have. Why not now?”

“Because- ah, because there's a meeting in ten minutes and they'll go looking for me if I don't show up.”

Bilbo's hand stilled. They both remained in their position, panting, until Bilbo withdrew his fingers with a sigh.

“Why didn't you say sooner?”

“I was _trying_ to”, Thorin defended himself. “You wouldn't let me.”

“What a shame”, Bilbo sighed. Thorin didn't look happy either. He bit his lip, letting his eyes wander lower once more. “Ten minutes, you say?”

“Stop it”, Thorin groaned and Bilbo stepped back, accepting his defeat.

“Well. Good luck facing a room full of people like that”, he commented, gazing at his groin. Thorin just sighed.

“Tonight?”, he asked wistfully.

“Tonight”, Bilbo promised.

 

After his highly unsatisfactory trip to Durin Co. Bilbo found himself restless and with a lot of time on his hands. He decided to try and make the best of it, fumbling for his phone on his way home.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Ori”, he greeted. “Please tell me you're free today? I finished all my marking yesterday, so I've got a bit of time, and I'd _love_ to work on our story a little.”

“Wait a second.” Bilbo heard him talking to someone, then some faint bickering on the other end of the line.

“I'm out of here in half an hour”, his voice sounded again. Bilbo didn't miss the slight irritation in his tone. He could almost see his annoyed expression before him. Seemed like he wasn't the only one who could use the distraction. “Your house?”

“Yes”, Bilbo smiled. “Great. I'll see you in a bit!”

 

“You don't even know how glad I am that you called”, Ori sighed when Bilbo let him in.

“Stressful day?”, he enquired, taking the stacks of paper from his hands.

“Stressful month's more like it.” He slumped onto a chair and smiled at the cup of tea Bilbo planted in front of him. “Thanks.”

Bilbo watched his shoulders sag as he relaxed, sipping on his cup.

“Dori came by just before you called”, he explained and rolled his eyes. “Cried about how rare I make myself. Honestly! I text both him and Nori every day, I call them at least twice a week! What more do they want?” Ori shook his head. “I was afraid he wouldn't let me go home before I went with him so he could mother me some more. Thankfully your call gave me an excuse to escape.”

“Oh Ori, you should have said”, Bilbo tutted. “I wouldn't have robbed you of some valuable family time if I'd known.”

“Ha ha”, Ori said dryly, ignoring his sly grin. “It's not that I don't want to spend time with them”, he then sighed. “I love them, I really do. You know that. But you know _them_ , too. Too much is just too much!”

“Yeah, I know”, Bilbo nodded. They sat until their cups were empty and Bilbo got up to refill. “Let's start, then", he said when he came back with their steaming cups. "Get your mind off things.” _And mine,_ he added in his head. The picture of Thorin wearing his formal attire still occupied his mind and it was becoming _very_ uncomfortable. 

He hated that waistcoat. He really did.

They got to work, not even pausing for a break when their takeaway arrived. Ori still had work to do at home, so they made the most of the time they had. When they were eventually interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, it was already dark.

“Oh, sorry, that must be Dwalin”, Bilbo said as he jumped up. “Dis told me he'd come over, I totally forgot about it.” He hurried to the door.

“Come on up!”, he called down the stairs.

“Sorry, Dis isn't home yet, but she told me you'd come by and fetch something. She said you'd know what you need”, he said as the broad man entered the flat. He guided him to the living room, where he introduced him to his other guest.

“You two don't know each other, right? Ori, that's Thorin's cousin Dwalin. Dwalin, my friend Ori. We write together, I'm sure I've talked about him at one point.”

He turned to look at Dwalin who was still standing in the doorway, staring at the smaller man.

“Hello”, Ori smiled. His blushing didn't go unnoticed. Bilbo hid a smile, saying nothing. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”

“'Ello”, Dwalin grunted. “Sorry, didn't know you were having someone over." He glanced at Bilbo before returning his gaze to the other man. "Didn't mean to interrupt.”

“Oh no, no, it's fine”, Ori hurried to say. “This was pretty spontaneus”, he giggled. Bilbo raised an eyebrow at the sound, trying to keep his lips from twitching. Dwalin still stared at Ori, looking rather tense.

“So, what do you need? Can I help you with anything?”, Bilbo offered. That seemed to snap him out of his inner workings.

“Uh, no, I just have to give this back and take the next part”, he said and waved with the book in his hand.

“What are you reading?”, Ori asked.

“ _Stoneblood._ ” Dwalin held up the book for him to see. Ori's eyes grew wide.

“Oh, I _love_ that series! Is that the fourth part? Did you just finish this?”

“Yeah”, Dwalin nodded. “I'm here to get the fifth, Dis told me where she put it.”

“What did you think? Did you realise it was a trap?” Ori went into an excited monologue about the story, hardly leaving Dwalin the chance to reply. He didn't look like he minded all that much.

Bilbo smiled and left them to it, going downstairs himself to fetch the book for Dwalin. He found it soon, Dis had left it on the table in the hallway for her cousin.

They were deep in discussion when he came back. Dwalin almost gave a start when Bilbo took the book from this hands and replaced it with the new one.

“Here, I fetched it for you”, he smiled.

“Thanks.” He dove right back into the conversation and Bilbo sat down, realising that he was the least interesting thing in the room right now. So he grabbed his cup of tea, sipping on it as he listened to the two of them talking.

“Did you like that sex scene in the third one?”, Ori wanted to know now. Bilbo raised his eyebrows at that. Bold. “I know a lot of people didn't like it because it was so explicit, but I think that just fit the characters.” He giggled again. “And _I_ for one don't mind it rough.”

Bilbo nearly choked on the sip of tea in his mouth. Ori had _not_ just said that. He had not - had he? For a brief moment he considered the possibility of having misheard, but the sight of Dwalin gaping at Ori like a fish was as good a confirmation as any.

He regarded the two of them goggling at each other as he wiped his mouth, but refrained from saying anything. Maybe his own pent-up sexual frustration made him see tension that wasn't there. He probably wasn't the best judge right now.

The conversation carried on as Dwalin found his voice again and eventually Bilbo felt a little left out.

“Was there something else?”, he chipped in casually when it was silent for a moment. Neither of the two men seemed to want to move. Dwalin's eyes snapped to Bilbo, who watched a faint blush rising in his cheeks with curiosity.

“Nah, that was all”, Dwalin said.

“Alright.”

He still didn't move. Bilbo exhaled, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He was about to offer him a cup of tea so he'd at least sit down, but was interrupted by the sound of Thorin's steps on the stairs before that. He sat up straight as he entered the room.

“Oh. Hey, everyone”, Thorin nodded at the visitors. His eyes immediately returned to Bilbo, who swallowed hard. Suddenly it felt like no time at all had passed since their encounter at the company and the moment of Thorin's arrival. Their eyes locked and Bilbo jumped up, reaching for Ori's bag.

“Good God, is that the time? Here, you should really be on your way now”, he just about threw the bag at the younger man. "Can't keep pushing your work back like that." Ori blinked in bewilderment as he collected all the remaining sheets of paper, stuffing them into his arms. “Sorry, I don't wanna throw you out but I'm afraid you'll be late, it's really time”, he chattered, already opening the front door while Ori still tried to manage the things thrown at him. 

“Yes, I suppose, I better go now...”, he trailed off, hurrying after Bilbo.

“If that was all, Dwalin”, Bilbo called to the bigger man who followed them with a sigh, knowing all too well what was happening.

“Ori, it was great as usual. I'll call you as soon as I find the time. Dwalin, great to see you again. I'll tell Dis about the book. I will see you both soon!”, he called.

The last thing he saw was Dwalin and Ori exchanging a glance; Dwalin resignated, Ori baffled, before he threw the door closed. Thorin was standing in the living room where he'd left him, still in full attire.

“You”, Bilbo breathed out, all but hurling himself onto the taller man. Eager arms wrapped around his waist the moment their mouths crushed together and he moaned into the touch. “Why are you still standing here?”, he panted once he managed to break the heated contact. “Bedroom, now. _Please._ ”

He brought their mouths together again, groaning into him when Thorin lifted him mid-kiss, carrying him to the bedroom without breaking the touch of their lips.

“Get undressed”, he demanded as soon as they landed all tangled up on the bed.

“Yes”, Bilbo gasped, eagerly tearing at his clothes until they were in a pile on the floor. "You know, I really don't mind if you just.. leave the waistcoat on", he mumbled before rolling over, settling on top of Thorin.

His hungry lips swallowed the low chuckle that drew from the taller man. He kissed him until his voice hushed, leaving room for other noises to fill the air. And that they did.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had me scream in frustration and it's all because of one scene that deals with plot. Which is about the hardest part of writing for me. I tied it all together with the bigger picture eventually, it should work now. So... here, take it!
> 
> Quick reminder: this story is set in 2023 (which makes the year Bilbo and Thorin met 2013) - just so you're not confused about the dates!

Bilbo was lifted from sleep when he felt someone softly nuzzling his neck. He blinked at the sudden lightness of the room as he opened his eyes. His hands wandered to the head on his shoulder automatically.

“Good morning”, he mumbled, stroking Thorin's thick curls. The man traced his neck with his lips, wandering up to his jaw before pressing a kiss to Bilbo's lips.

“Good morning, little one”, he murmured and snuggled closer to him. Bilbo rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

He marvelled at the warmth his boyfriend offered him, thinking that he could stay like this for a while, doing nothing but holding and being held in return, and the occasional kissing...

The moment was interrupted when Bilbo's phone started ringing. Thorin groaned, letting his head fall back onto the pillow. Bilbo squeezed his eyes shut before rolling over, taking the call without checking who it was. _This better be worth it_ , he thought.

“Hello?”

“Bilbo? It's me, Bard.”

“Oh, hi, Bard”, Bilbo said, sitting up. Thorin next to him made a face.

“Oh, sorry, did I wake you? I didn't mean to, but listen - I've got something here that might be of interest to you.”

“Did you find something?”, Bilbo asked, suddenly much more awake.

“I did”, Bard confirmed. “Look, I'd rather show you in person. As it happens I'm free tonight, I could drop by in the evening. Are you home then?”

“I am. Tonight's great”, Bilbo assured, glancing at Thorin, who regarded him with narrowed eyes as he followed half the conversation. “Maybe we'll even manage to work through some more letters before you come over. We haven't really had much time for that yet. You're staying for dinner, aren't you?”

He ignored the glare Thorin shot him, smiling when the man on the other end of the line confirmed. “Great, I'll see you tonight, then. Can't wait to hear what you found out!”

He ended the call and lay back down, rolling closer to his boyfriend, whose face was a perfect display of reluctance.

“He found something out”, Bilbo remarked, running his fingers up and down his arm. Thorin didn't react to the touch.

“I figured as much”, he said.

“Come on, you've talked to Bard, he's nice. I know you'd like him if he wasn't my ex-boyfriend. Which he isn't even, really.”

Thorin was still frowning. Bilbo nudged his stomach when he kept staring ahead, trying to get his attention back. In the end, Bilbo crawled on top of him, kissing the frown off his face.

“You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?”, he asked before pecking his lips again. “Acting up so I'll reassure you with physical touch.”

Thorin refrained from saying anything to that, but he hummed contently when Bilbo's lips met his again. His frown returned when Bilbo slipped off of him. He rolled his eyes with a smile.

“I'm gonna go to the bathroom”, he said over his shoulder as he left the room. “Then I can reassure you properly.”

 

“That honestly tastes amazing, Bilbo”, Bard said, closing his eyes as he took another bite.

Bilbo felt a faint blush rise in his cheeks as he smiled at the compliment.

“Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it.”

He could almost _feel_ Thorin glaring at Bard from the seat next to him. He rested his hand on his knee, squeezing once as he let it linger there.

“I don't get much home-cooked food, you know”, Bard explained. “My wife and I, we're always busy. Either I'm not home or she isn't, if we are then we're busy looking after Sigrid...” He smiled despite his words.

“How are they?”, Bilbo asked, grinning at the fond look on his face. “Do you have any new pictures?”

“Sure”, Bard nodded, reaching for his phone to hand it to Bilbo. “They're both great.”

“God, she's adorable!”, Bilbo giggled, showing Thorin the picture of the fair-haired toddler. “Doesn't she remind you a bit of Fili?” Thorin grumbled something, but he did look at the picture with interest. Bilbo bit back a smile as he handed the phone back to Bard before enquiring: “Another portion?”

“Knock knock”, Dis' cheerful voice sounded from the door just as they were finishing dinner.

“Come on in”, Bilbo waved at her. Dis entered the room with a smile, her eyes fixed on Bard. Fili, who'd been climbing the stairs behind her, followed her to the table. He regarded the stranger curiously.

“So, you're the ex-boyfriend”, Dis smirked. The blow, clearly directed at her brother, brought her a glare.

“People usually call me Bard”, the man winked and extended his hand. “You're Thorin's sister, I take it? It's a pleasure to meet you.”

“It's all mine”, she assured him with a grin before sitting down. Bard lowered his eyes to the child opposite him.

“You must be Fili, then. Am I right?” Fili nodded eagerly, excited about the fact that the stranger knew his name. “It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. I'm Bard”, he introduced himself. “I'm here to talk to your mother and uncles about something.”

Fili nodded as though he knew all about that as he settled on his mother's lap. How he managed to fit, Bilbo didn't know. Dis' baby bump was rather prominent by now, but he didn't seem to mind the little space.

“Which brings me right to it”, Bard said, swallowing down the last bite of his food. “I'd like to get started right away, if that's fine by you. I found some interesting things, but there's still a lot of obscurity. I don't quite know how exactly it all connects to your letters. Maybe you can help me bring some light into the darkness.”

Dis sent her son off to find himself a toy while they cleared the table. Bard fetched a folder from his bag and sat down, a businesslike expression on his face. It was clear that he was taking this serious. He took out a few papers, resting them in front of him. Then he looked up at their expectant faces, watching him from the other side of the table.

“Before I tell you what I found out, I'd like to know if there's anything else you got from those letters?”

“There was something”, Bilbo nodded. “It wasn't much, Smaug was rather careful not to mention specifics. But we're pretty sure their exchange revolved around money. Money Thrain wasn't willing to pay.”

“We haven't managed to look through all the letters yet”, Thorin chipped in. “And we're sure there's a few missing. But you can take a look if you think it would help. They're in the living room.”

“That would be great”, Bard nodded. “Maybe I could take some with me later, if that's alright. I can look them through when I've got some time.”

He flipped through the pages in front of him, taking out a sheet of paper with various notes.

“Alright”, he exhaled. His eyes gleamed as he began to recount what he'd found out, the sheen suggesting that the story had taken hold of him as well. “This is what I got. Drako Smaug, born 1958, businessman. He surfaced for the first time in 1978, making himself known as the co-founder of a bulgarian company. That drew some newspapers' attention.”

He got out a copy of an article on the business and handed it to Thorin. He skimmed through the text, Smaug's name catching his eyes. 

"A twenty-year-old appearing out of nowhere, with an infinite amount of money on his hands. Which, of course, could have been inherited, or hard-earned.”

A smile tugged at his lips as he gave them a meaningful look. “Only that it doesn't seem that way now, does it? Anyway. He was mentioned in an article every now and then. Until he disappeared two years later, only to resurface again”, he got out another article and placed it in front of the others, “in 1981, but in a completely different context.”  
He pointed at an encircled block of text on the copy. “Here he's mentioned as the new owner of a chain of restaurants. Which was sold to another businessman for a steep price only two months later, by the way.”

He unfolded another sheet of paper, grinning at their wide eyes, and handed it to Dis. “He just kept on doing this, surfacing for a short while before vanishing again, as though he'd never existed.” He smirked. “Though I am missing a lot of periods, I managed to get a rough outline of his whereabouts over the years. And-”, he smiled triumphantly, revealing another document, “I know where he was just last year in May. Lyon. I hear France is a good place for shady business, if you know where to look.”

He leaned back, watching the three of them skim the material he'd handed them in stunned silence.

“Wow”, Dis breathed out eventually, one of the articles still in her hand. She looked him over with approval. “How did you find all that out?”

Bard turned his eyes to her, a content smile lingering on his lips.

“I came around quite a bit when I travelled after school. There's a lot of people that owe me something, or who are happy to share their means with me. I have some valuable sources.”

“That's... really impressive”, Thorin agreed with his sister. Bilbo turned to him, throwing him a triumphant glance before nodding along.

“That's a lot of information, a lot more than we hoped for”, he said. “We owe you, Bard.”

“You really don't”, the taller man waved aside. “It was a lot of fun, finding all this out. I just know there's a lot more to this than we can see right now.”

“Do you think we can find out the bigger picture?”, Bilbo enquired. "How he's connected to Thrain and all that?"

“I certainly hope so”, Bard assured and leaned forward. “I suggest the first thing we do is take on these letters. See if there's anything else in there, anything at all. Every detail could be useful. I'll keep my research going at the same time. I'll dig a bit deeper, I know a few more people who could help me with that. And then we'll see where we get from there.”

“Sounds like a plan”, Thorin nodded, giving him an approving look. Bilbo hid his smile in his cup. He'd known he would come around eventually.

 

Bilbo was scribbling into his notebook on Sunday morning, working on a tricky scene of his story. He was so lost in his thoughts that he startled when a dull thud sounded from the bathroom. Thorin had been restless this morning, wandering around the flat for a while before leaving the room to take a shower. Bilbo raised his head, listening after the sound.

“Thorin?”, he called out.

There was no reply. He frowned and put his notebook aside, getting up to check the noise. He knocked on the bathroom door, listening for an answer.

“Thorin, are you okay? What was that noise?”

Bilbo frowned when there was still no answer from the other side. He was starting to feel uneasy. If everything was okay, his boyfriend would have assured him by now. Or said something. Anything.

“Thorin, I'm coming in now.”

He pressed the handle, relieved to find the door unlocked. He entered the room, worry about what he'd find tearing at him.

The first thing he saw was the shattered pieces of the bowl that had caused the dull sound. His eyes wandered to Thorin, who was kneeling on the floor, breathing way too fast. Bilbo knew that look. Better than he wanted to. He dropped to his knees, ignoring the broken bowl as he reached for Thorin's hands.

“Hey”, he mumbled, closing his hands over his trembling fingers. “Hey, Thorin, I'm here.”

Thorin's eyes darted to Bilbo and the sheer panic in them made Bilbo's chest tighten almost painfully. He never felt as helpless as when Thorin was facing a panic attack. He swallowed, making sure that his voice was steady.

“Come on up”, he said calmly, nodding to the bath tub. “We will clean this up later. Sit down. I'm right here.”

Thorin shifted, pulling himself up to the tub. His body shook uncontrollably. His hands kept wandering to his throat, clawing at his shirt. Bilbo wasn't sure he even realised he was doing it, but he knew that motion by now. He grabbed a towel before crouching down before him, raising his arm to his face. He rested a reassuring hand on his knee as he began wiping the sweat from his forehead.

“You're safe, Thorin. You're at home with me, you're not in that house anymore. There is no fire. You're safe. You can breathe.” He lowered the towel, forcing a smile onto his lips when he saw Thorin's eyes fixed on his face. “I know you're upset. I'm here to help”, he assured him. “It's okay. You're okay.”

He sat with him until his chest stopped heaving and his fingers stilled. Bilbo let out a relieved sigh when Thorin shut his eyes eventually, running a hand over his face. He looked tired and defeated, but the panic-ridden look in his eyes was gone.

“Thank you”, he breathed out, catching Bilbo's hand in his. Bilbo squeezed tightly, pulling himself up to wrap his arms around the man. Thorin let it happen willingly, resting his head on Bilbo's chest as the smaller man caressed his hair softly.

“You okay?”, Bilbo finally asked and Thorin nodded, straightening his back.

“It's over. It was just- sudden.”

“Do you know what brought it on?”, Bilbo asked, still running his hand through his curls.

“Not really. There was nothing that triggered it, it just... happened.”

“You're stressed”, Bilbo pointed out. Thorin raised his gaze up to his face above him. “You worry. It's no wonder you're staggering again.”

“I know”, Thorin sighed. “The meeting with Azog de Filer is next week. I know I shouldn't worry, it doesn't change anything. But I can't help thinking about it. We're too close to being in the red, if he's got something planned...”

“Then we'll figure it out”, Bilbo said firmly, cupping his face with his hands. “We'll figure something out. We always do. You'll think of something. Bofur will think of something. You'll find someone who'll make a deal with you.” He ran his thumb over Thorin's cheek, smiling softly as he regarded his features, the face he loved so much, he'd follow anywhere. “There will be a way. There's always a way. And you'll find it. We'll find it. Together.”

He licked his lips when Thorin nodded with a sigh, bending down to close the distance between them. It was almost chaste, the way he really took the time to feel the softness of his lips, the warmth they offered. How he streaked the soft skin, the taste he unmistakably knew to be Thorin's lingering on his mouth. He sighed when their lips melted together, tenderly, gently, with no intent of something other than being close to their loved one, feeling comfort and support.

“I don't know what I'd do without you”, Thorin mumbled when they parted. Bilbo pressed a kiss to his forehead, savouring his scent.

“Neither do I", he said back. "It's a good thing we don't have to find out.”


	9. Chapter 9

His father had taken him to the company once, many years ago. Though a lot of his memories from that time had faded, Thorin still remembered it with perfect clarity: he'd been fourteen, and it had been the first time he'd seen his father at work, managing the business he owned like a king his kingdom. He remembered walking through the building after his father, seeing all these people nodding at him as he made his way to his office, thinking that this could be his one day.

He'd been terrified.

Thorin had always been a brooder, even before the fire, as long as he could remember. He thought now that in this matter, it must have been the fear of failure that had caused his worries, of letting his father down, ruining what he'd built up.

That had been around the time the business had really started to bloom. Thorin's family had always been well off, but it was around the turn of the millenium that they suddenly found themselves having money in abundance. When Thorin had watched his father at work, he'd understood why.

He'd thought that, if he one day were to take over the company, he'd lead it the same way his father did; with a calm and kingly authority, a good hand for the business and an understanding of the people working for and with him. He wouldn't let it fall.

Now, 20 years later, he wondered what had happened to the young boy with that determination. He still remembered his good intentions so well.

He was clearly failing at them.

Though, his 14-year-old self probably hadn't taken losing his father, having to take over the company much sooner than he'd planned or wanted to, facing reoccuring PTSD attacks and now losing their business partners one by one into account. He didn't blame it. Who would have?

Yet, the fact remained that everything was staggering, including himself, and he feared that if he closed his eyes just for one moment, it would collapse. 

He exhaled flatly through his mouth. He couldn't help but think that he wasn't only failing his company, his employees, but also his father. He couldn't ask him, he had no way of knowing whether Thrain would approve of his choices, whether he'd think he was doing a good job of leading his life's work or not. Whether he'd be proud. 

It hurt to think of his father like this. It still hurt. He'd been dead for twelve years now, and yet. The last memories of him Thorin had were the ones he wished to exchange for the other, older ones, those he could barely remember.

What he'd give to speak to him now.

He straightened, firmly pushing the thoughts aside. This wasn't a topic to think about now. Not when he'd come here shaking and trembling, being but a breath away from a full-blown panic attack.  
He leaned against the wall of the toilet stall, grimacing when he thought about the way he'd fled from his office to the restroom, hoping that no one would cross his way. It had been long since he'd had an episode at work. He ran a hand over his face, letting out a shaky breath. He knew what had brought it on.

Suddenly he felt anger arising in his chest. Yes, the meeting with Azog de Filer was today. Yes, they were in a tricky situation, and the man held power over them Thorin really wished he didn't. No, he wasn't going to let this destroy what he'd worked so hard for to maintain. He wouldn't let it mess with his head to the point where it perilled his mental health.  
The situation was risky and they definitely were at a disadvantage, but leading this business had never been easy, and despite all his worries about what his father would say, he'd done a good job of keeping it running so far.

He imagined Bilbo next to him, gifting him one of his encouraging smiles, nodding with reassurance and absolute coinfidence in his abilities.

_We'll figure something out. We always do. You'll think of something._

He repeated the words to himself as he straightened his clothes, stepping out of the stall. He could deal with this. He would.

 

He could not be expected to deal with this.

“No”, Thorin said decidedly. He resisted the urge to cross his arms before his chest to emphasise his position.

The man opposite him narrowed his eyes swiftly before relaxing his features, displaying a perfect mask again. Only a smile that Thorin couldn't describe as anything other than malicious remained, lingering on his thin lips. 

Like every time he saw him, Thorin couldn't help but notice how pale this man's skin was. Had he lived in a cave in France, never seeing any sunlight?  _Would certainly explain why he's such a dreadful person,_ he thought.

“No?”, Azog de Filer repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“No.” Alright, this was getting a bit ridiculous. This man brought out the worst in him. 

Thorin leaned forward, gazing into his eyes almost provokingly. The icy blue colour staring right back was unsettling, but he paid it no attention. “This is completely, utterly, one hundred percent out of the question. I refuse it.”

De Filer gave him a long look, both men refusing to break eye contact. Eventually, his lips twisted into that smile again. Thorin felt the vein in his forehead starting to throb at the sight. The smile, if you could call it that, didn't make him look any friendlier. Quite the contrary. It looked like a grimace, and Thorin would have been just too happy to wipe it off his face.

“And why not?”

“It's not an option”, Thorin said, shaking his head. “It's simply not. I won't sell any percentages of Durin Co. Not to anyone, not to you. I won't. It's never been up for debate. We're not looking for any joint owners.”

“Such a pity”, de Filer said, sounding anything but regretful as he leaned closer to Thorin. “I have a feeling you could use the money so well.”

Thorin stared at him, debating how bad of an idea it would be to kick him out right this instant. Or kick him in the face, alternatively. He didn't miss the twitch of de Filer's lips that followed his last statement. He was enjoying this. He wanted to play.

Thorin wasn't here for games.

“How you came to that assumption, I do not know”, he replied, somehow managing to keep the anger boling inside him out of his voice. He ignored the pale man raising an eyebrow at that, the silent question of  _oh, indeed_  going unanswered. “We don't need your money and we will not sell. That's final. We've told you before that we're not interested in any deals you have to offer.”

“Ah, but Mr. Durin, I have a feeling that _is_ going to change. You think you're doing such great and important work, don't you? That your company matters so much. But you're only a small part in the grand scheme. And once you realise that you'll come crawling, begging for me to buy your little business. And I believe all that will be sooner than you think, if I may say so.”

Thorin stared at him, speechless for the moment. He narrowed his eyes as he went over his words again, debating whether he'd just made a threat to his face or simply tried to brag about. He was somehow sure that it was the first option, and suddenly he was enraged. 

How dared this man. How dared he. 

The only sign of Thorin's anger was the way his jaw twitched just before he replied, keeping his voice clear of all emotions. “Do you.”

Azog de Filer merely smiled in response. His silence fueled Thorin's anger more than any words could have. “Right, since you insist on being unreasonable”, he said eventually, “I believe this meeting has run its course. This affair is starting to bore me.”

Thorin rose from his chair to open the door. “So be it. Until next time, Mr. de Filer. I do have a feeling you will keep trying to persuade us.”

The man got up, buttoning his jacket at his leisure. The sly smile on his face brought Thorin to the end of his patience. His knuckles were white from how tightly he gripped the door.

“You  _will_  hear from me, believe me, Mr. Durin. If I don't hear from you first, of course.”

“That isn't going to happen”, Thorin all but snapped. If he didn't leave right now, he couldn't guarantee that the door wouldn't end up being slammed into his damned face.

"You never know what will happen next, Mr. Durin. Just remember that."

He exited his office and Thorin was ready to throw the door shut behind him. Then de Filer turned again, sending another one of his malicious smiles his way. Thorin tasted something bitter in his mouth at the sight.

“I would really reconsider my attitude, if I were you. You're so close to losing, Mr. Durin. And you don't want to do that, do you? It would be such a shame, if you lost.”

Then he turned and left without waiting for an answer. Thorin very nearly slammed that door shut after him. Then he sat down, trying to control the heaving of his chest. Trying very hard not to focus on the uneasy feeling in his stomach that had lingered there since the man had made his offer.

 

“He sounds so charming.”

“Yeah, he's a real gentleman”, Thorin replied dryly. He was sitting on Dis' sofa with a cup of tea before him. His sister had caught him and enquired about the meeting the moment he'd come home, coddling him with the hot beverage and cookies. He couldn't say he minded all too much.

“I felt so stupid, Dis”, he shook his head. “He wanted to make me mad and that's exactly what he achieved. I didn't let it show, but he  _knows_. He's so obnoxious-”

“I know, Thorin”, his sister said beside him, leaning her head onto his shoulder; a gentle reminder, keeping him from diving into it all over again. “Everyone would have gotten mad. Don't make a fuss about it, there's other things to worry about.”

“Yeah, like the fact that he doesn't just buy up our rivals, but also our _partners_. That he leaves us with nothing, until we've got no choice but make a deal with him...”

“He can't buy every single company out there”, Dis insisted. “And there will be someone you can make a deal with first. He can't force you to cooperate, no matter how much he likes to believe it.”

Thorin didn't reply, remembering how sure de Filer had been that he would give in, that he'd break and lose the company.

“Do you know what the worst thing was? His last words. I kept asking myself why they left me feeling so unsettled, but then I figured it out. You know the last words our father said in that house, when we couldn't- when we realised we couldn't get to Frerin?” 

His chest tightened at the mention of that night and he briefly wondered if he'd ever stop feeling that way when he thought of it. If it would ever stop hurting.

Beside him, Dis' face twisted as well at his words. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer before speaking again. He could feel the scar tissue that had formed that night on her arm, where his hand rested. He thought of his own, decorating his torso. It was such a normal part of their lives, of them. He didn't even realise the scars on his sister's face when he looked at her anymore. Those wounds had healed. The others, the ones that couldn't be seen, only felt, on the other hand... He shook off the thoughts. They were for another time.

“He said “I have lost”. With that horrible agonised, but completely still expression", Thorin continued. " It must have reminded me of that. I could have slammed the door into his face all over again when I realised it.”

“Would have served him right”, Dis murmured at his side. “Doesn't matter that he didn't do that on purpose. He's an arse.”

“He is”, Thorin agreed. “And I hope to never see him again. But I know he'll come back. And he'll want to make me pay for today. For refusing him.”

Dis sighed, covering his hand with hers in silent comfort. “Probably, yes. But you should worry about that later. For now, you got through the meeting. And Durin Co. is still standing, so you did well.”

And with that she declared the topic off the table for the day.

“I hope so”, Thorin muttered, pressing a kiss to the top of his sister's hair before reaching for another cookie to go with his tea.

 

"You did well“, Bilbo said later that night, when he'd told him about the meeting. They were lying in bed together, facing each other. Thorin felt drained from the day, having to handle both Azog de Filer and an episode really didn't do him any good. But the sight of his partner snuggled up close to him, regarding him intently though his eyes were already heavy with sleep, left him feeling a lot lighter.

“I don't think I would have been as diplomatic as you, with all that anger inside of you.”

Thorin snorted. “ _Diplomatic_  is not what I'd call it. I could have put Fili in that chair and have the same effect. It was more like kindergarten. But I appreciate the sentiment.” He pecked his nose and Bilbo closed his eyes, smiling softly. His heart swelled at the sight.

“Still, I'm proud of you”, Bilbo muttered, the words slurred with tiredness. Thorin took one of his hands in his, caressing each finger with his lips before resting it on the bed again; a silent thank you that he knew Bilbo understood.

“You should sleep”, he said, brushing a curl out of Bilbo's face. “You're tired.”

“You too”, came the drowsy reply.

“Yes, I'll follow you soon”, he assured him. “Sleep, my treasure. Good night.”

He watched as Bilbo's lips curved into a soft smile at that before his features slowly evened and his calm breath indicated that he was asleep. Then he sat up, running a hand over his face. Though tiredness had taken hold of him as well, he'd itched to draw for days now and it had only gotten worse today. He would sacrifice an hour of sleep if it meant he could ease his mind for a while, rest his heart as he focused on nothing but the lines he was drawing.

He got up and found his sketchbook, slipping back beneath the blanket when he returned. Without much ado, he moved the pencil and began to draw.

As often times, he didn't even think about what he was doing, it just flowed out of the pencil onto the paper. When he turned off his bedside lamp he felt exhaustion clawing at him, but he was more at ease as he rolled closer to his boyfriend, the drawing resting on his nightstand.


	10. Chapter 10

Bilbo glanced at his watch, startling when he saw the time. He'd gotten lost in his lecture once again, not realising that class had ended several minutes ago.

“Alright, that's it for today, everyone. Thank you for your attention, I'll see you next week!”

The students swarmed out of the room while Bilbo struggled to fit all his papers into his bag. He was already late for his date with Thorin. His boyfriend had a rare evening off that night and they'd decided to go out for dinner in Dale.

Bilbo hurried outside, leaving Erebor's halls behind. He only realised that someone was calling his name when a hand touched his shoulder. 

"Mr. Baggins?"

He turned around, facing the student who'd chased after him. He recognised her face from his lectures.

“Sorry, yes?” He went through the names in his mind, tilting his head. “Laurel, was it?”

The young woman nodded, shooting him a smile. “Yes. Sorry, I don't want to hold you up, but I was wondering about that book you told us about earlier...”

Bilbo accepted the fact that he'd inevitabely be late as he listened to her. But her honest interest made him smile, so he wasn't all that cross about keeping Thorin waiting.

“It's a really good read, I could lend it to you if you want”, he smiled when she'd stopped talking. “I read it shortly after my time in Erebor, but I think it's quite timeless. You can just as well transfer it to today's world...”

He trailed off when something caught his eyes over her shoulder. There was a man on the other side of the street, looking in their direction. He'd been standing like that since Laurel had stopped Bilbo on his way out, he realised now, not moving from the spot.

Bilbo felt an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. He told himself that it was ridiculous, that he wasn't being watched. Yet, the strange sensation remained. He squinted, trying to make out the features of the man-

“Mr. Baggins?” He snapped his eyes from the figure, returning them to his student. She was looking at him with raised eyebrows, waiting for him to go on.

“Yes, sorry, Laurel. Um. What I meant was that it's definitely worth the time you invest in it. And it's a wonderful addition to our course's topic. I'll bring it with me next time, yes?”

She nodded, giving him a radiant smile. Bilbo was reminded of himself as a student that moment. Heading the professors off after class, asking for books on top of his schedule. A smile tugged on his lips at the memories.  
She thanked him for his time, then she let him go. Bilbo waved her goodbye before checking the time again, frowning as he made his way to Dale. When his eyes darted back to the place on the other side of the street, he found it empty. The man was gone.

Bilbo shook the uneasy feeling off. He already huffed at the fact that he'd believed someone had been watching him. It must have been his imagination messing with him. Didn't they say that about people who read a lot? He shook his head, hurrying to the restaurant. By the time he arrived, he'd already forgotten about the affair.

 

“You're late”, Thorin greeted him when Bilbo bent down for a quick kiss.

“I know, I'm so sorry” Bilbo sighed out as he sank onto the chair. “I forgot the time, then a student held me up...”

“It's fine”, Thorin said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “It's nice not to be the one keeping the other waiting, for once.”

“You're right, that's a change”, Bilbo chuckled. “And everyone knows good relationships live from mixing it up every once in a while.”

Thorin snorted, giving him a look as he handed him one of the menus.

“Here, let's pick something to eat. You must be starving.”

Bilbo didn't need to confirm that assumption, the growling of his stomach was answer enough. They ordered their dishes, enjoying the simpleness of having to do nothing but wait for their dinner.

Bilbo's eyes lit up when their food arrived. He hadn't even noticed how hungry he was until the plate was placed in front of him. It was a while before he'd filled his stomach enough for conversation.

“Anything new from the company?”, he enquired over his pasta. Thorin swallowed his bite before nodding.

“Yes, actually.”

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. Thorin hadn't looked too tense when he'd arrived, but he still asked: “Good news or bad news?”

“Good news”, Thorin replied, smiling softly. The gleam in his eyes gave away how hopeful he was. “Well, hopefully. We've talked to someone from that company in Wales I told you about. They're interested in a deal with us.”

Bilbo's eyes widened. He hastened to swallow his food.

“Oh my goodness, Thorin, that's amazing!”

“It will be, if they actually say yes”, Thorin said. But he sounded positive and Bilbo could see that the prospect of things finally going upwards had already lit up his mood.

“Why wouldn't they? That's great news. I knew someone would show up eventually. If it hadn't been them, it would have been someone else. You're doing important work, Thorin, you work for a good thing. There must be plenty of people who want to be part of that.” 

He put a hand over Thorin's resting on the table, squeezing tightly. He smiled when the other man didn't hesitate to intertwine their fingers, rubbing his thumb over his skin tenderly.

Eating was a bit more difficult like this, but he found that he didn't mind all that much.

 

“What do you want to do now?”, Thorin asked after they'd finished dinner. They slipped into their jackets and he took hold of Bilbo's hand again.

“It's still early”, Bilbo pondered as he looked outside. “We can amble a bit if we're here already, while the shops are still open. What do you think? We still don't have anything for the baby, we could look for something.”

“Oh, right. That's a good idea”, Thorin agreed. “It's October already. If we don't do it now, we'll probably be too busy to do it before December.”

“Can't belive Dis is so far along already”, Bilbo muttered, putting up his coat collar against the fresh autumn wind as they stepped outside. “Let's see if we find something, then.”

They walked to the city centre in comfortable silence. Neither let go of the other's hand. The simple touch brought a smile to Bilbo's lips that just didn't seem to fade.

“I saw the drawing on your nightstand this morning”, Bilbo remarked after a while. Thorin hummed next to him. Bilbo threw him a glance. The wind blew through his hair, loose strands were dancing in the wind. He looked calm, not disturbed or uneasy. “It's beautiful.”

A soft smile played on his lips. “Thank you.”

“You put so much detail into it, it's amazing. How long did it take you?”

Thorin was a talented artist, though he never got to draw as much as he wanted to. Bilbo admired his skills. Sometimes he drew designs of buildings, constructions, sometimes it was scenery, people or abstract forms Bilbo didn't presume to fully understand. Whatever it was, though, Bilbo knew that when he was disturbed, Thorin drew a lot more detailed and intense than when he just sketched casually. And the drawing he'd found this morning had been very particularised.

Thorin slightly missed a beat before he shrugged. “Something like an hour, I think.”

So two hours, at least. Bilbo squeezed his hand, enquiring further: “Why those people?”

“I don't know”, Thorin shook his head, glancing at Bilbo. The cold wind had left his cheeks flushed. Bilbo loved the look on him. “I looked at you and I thought of your story, the one with the royal family and... it just came to me. The king and his consort, the princess and her heirs, I wanted to see them. Make them alive.”

“So you drew them.”

“Yes.”

“Admit it”, Bilbo smirked and nudged his side. “King and consort, princess and heirs – you know this is us.”

Thorin raised his eyebrows. “You wrote us into your story? I'm shocked.”

“You know that's not what I meant”, Bilbo said and rolled his eyes. “I borrowed the family constellation from us. And I saw that drawing, Thorin. I can see that you thought of us while you drew. I recognise us in these characters. The consort looks more like me than the picture of me on my parents' living room wall does.”

“Possibly”, Thorin admitted. He shrugged. “That's just how it came to me in that moment.”

“So you basically drew us as royals in an alternate universe.” Bilbo smiled, quirking an eyebrow. “In that scenario you're king, and I'm your consort. Sounds nice, doesn't it? We could rule a kingdom... oh, and Fili would be your heir. Which means he'd be king one day.”

“Good God”, Thorin mumbled, chuckling. “Well, I won't abdicate any time soon, so he still has time to grow into the role.”

Bilbo grinned. “We would have been great rulers, in another universe.”

“You think so?”, Thorin enquired, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “I'm not so certain. Maybe it's for the best if we remain royal strictly on paper. I'm busy enough with the business, I have no idea how I'd manage a kingdom.”

“You'd grow into it”, Bilbo smiled, glancing at his boyfriend. He could see it all so clearly in front of him. The image made him giggle. “I know you would.”

Thorin didn't reply to that, but the smile lingering on his lips gave him away.

“You know, I think you would- oh my god.” 

Thorin almost walked into Bilbo's arm. He was cutting off his way, stopping him from going any further.

“What?” He blinked in confusion. They'd reached the centre of Dale. The city was still bustling with people, hurrying to get somewhere. Bilbo had stopped in front of a bookshop, staring through the window in astonishment. Thorin frowned when his lips split into a grin. He couldn't tell what had caught his attention.

“Did you see a book you want to buy?”, he enquired tentatively. Bilbo snorted. Though he had to admit the assumption wasn't completely baseless.

“ _No_ ”, he exclaimed, pulling his arm. “Look.  _Look._ ”

Thorin squinted, trying to see what Bilbo was looking at through the window. 

“What is it? What do you mean?”, he asked, exasperated. “I see nothing.”

Bilbo sighed and the next moment, Thorin found himself being pulled into the shop.

“What-”

“Come  _on_ ”, he insisted, dragging him into the store. “Act normal.”

“Normal in what way exactl-  _Dwalin?_ ”

“Shhh”, Bilbo hushed him, pulling him behind a shelf. He shifted, trying to get a look into the next walk. Thorin was looking at him from the side. The expression on his face spoke of bewilderment.

“Why are we hiding from Dwa-”

“Be _quiet,_ would you”, Bilbo hissed. He pressed a finger to Thorin's mouth, peeking through the books on the shelf. Thorin blinked, but kept quiet. A moment later, they heard Dwalin's voice.

“This one's great too, I think”, he said to someone. “Read that some years ago, still love it. The writing style's really romantic.”

Bilbo could basically  _feel_  Thorin's eyebrows shooting up at that. He grinned when he heard the other voice replying to that statement.

“Oh, I know what you mean. A friend of mine recommended me something by that author, she said the same thing. I think I'll get it, then, if you enjoyed it so much. I trust your judgement. And romantic's good. I love some good romance.”

“Is that  _Ori?_ ”, Thorin asked from the side, the realisation dawning on him. Bilbo nodded. Then he took his finger from Thorin's mouth, now that he'd picked up on the whole thing.

“Here, you have  _got_  to read this one”, Ori said. Bilbo watched as he pushed a thin book into Dwalin's hands. He took it, eyes fixed on the smaller man. “It's poetry. Do you like poetry? Doesn't really matter, you have to read this. I've seldomly read poetry that touched me like this did. Trust me.”

“Crush”, Dwalin read the title. Bilbo's eyes widened. He knew that book just too well. Richard Siken was one of his favourite poets. He bit his lip. Ori really wasn't doing anything by halves. And there it went...

“Siken is gay”, Ori explained, staring up at Dwalin without batting an eyelid as he spoke. “He transfers his raw and honest emotions so well and thoroughly into his writing, it's... astounding. It's so...  _intimate._ ”

Dwalin didn't break their eye contact either as he hung on Ori's lips, and so Thorin and Bilbo got to witness the most intense tension they'd ever seen Dwalin have with anyone. And he'd dated a lot of people. None of those men or women had reached that level of tension with him, Bilbo was certain.

“Oh my god”, Thorin whispered. “I shouldn't be seeing this. This feels wrong. I can't look at this any longer.”

Bilbo chuckled, glancing through the books again.

“I actually wanted to say hello, but on second thought- let's just leave them to it, shall we?”

Thorin nodded and they left the shop. Dwalin and Ori continued their conversation, still oblivious to having been watched.

“When did this happen?”, Thorin asked after they'd stepped outside.

“I think I started this”, Bilbo mumbled. “You know when Dwalin dropped by to fetch that book and Ori was there? They goggled at each other all evening before you came home and we- well, you know I kicked them out. Together.”

"I can't believe this", Thorin muttered. "And they haven't uttered a word about this to us."

Bilbo grinned, taking Thorin's hand again as they strolled down the street. Who would have thought? He was already looking forward to pumping Ori for information when he got hold of him again.

“Oh, look at this”, Thorin interrupted his thoughts when they passed a little shop. He pointed towards a stuffed animal. “This is a music box, isn't it? It looks like the one we got Fili when he was born.”

Bilbo regarded the wolf with a smile. “You're right. It's cute, and it does match Fili's lion music box. Let's get it, shall we?”

 

“I think we're early enough for Fili's bedtime”, Thorin remarked when they got home, hearing the umistakable shrieking of a child way too active for this hour of the day from behind the door.

“Let's just drop this off”, Bilbo suggested and waved his bags. “Then we can go and say goodnight.”

“Uncles!”, Fili squeaked when they entered the flat. He ran towards them, flinging himself to their legs. 

“Hey, sweetheart”, Bilbo greeted him. He ruffled his hair before picking him up. Fili kicked his legs in the air, throwing his arms around his neck. “Are you ready for bed yet?” He settled on the sofa, pulling the child onto his lap. Thorin sat down beside them.

“No”, Fili shook his head. “Not ready yet!”

“I can see that”, Bilbo said, quirking an eyebrow. “Where's your pyjamas, hm?”

Dis emerged from the kitchen that moment, saving her son from having to reply. 

“You're back already?”, she asked, dropping onto the other sofa with a sigh.

“We had an early dinner”, Thorin said. "And we didn't stay in Dale for too long afterwards. Bilbo feared for his ears to freeze, so we came back soon."

“Just in time to put this little man here to bed”, Dis remarked, throwing them a portentous look.

“Of course”, Bilbo nodded. “We'll get you ready to sleep in no time, won't we?”

Fili didn't look too happy about sleeping, but the prospect of his uncles putting him to bed together seemed to do the trick. Bilbo was about to nudge him to move to his room when his phone beeped. He glanced at it, raising his eyebrows when he saw that it was a text from Bard.

“How about your Uncle Thorin goes and helps you with your pyjamas, and I'll be with you in a minute? You can pick a bedtime story already, if you like.”

“Yes! Will you read to me, Uncle Bilbo?”

“Of course, I will.”

“And Uncle Thorin too?”

“Yes, Thorin will read to you too. He'll do the voices and all, won't he?” He grinned at his boyfriend, who gave him an unimpressed look in return.

“Of course I'll do the voices. That's the only proper way to read a bedtime story, after all. Come on, then”, Thorin said as he rose, picking up his nephew from Bilbo's lap. The boy wrapped his arms around his uncle tightly.“It's late. Time to get going.”

Bilbo watched them go before he picked up his phone, reading the text.

_Bilbo, I've got a bunch of new information I want to show you. When are you free to meet up? Friday night or weekend would be best._

“Dis, are you free this weekend? Bard texted me, he wants to meet with us again”, he said, glancing up from his phone.

“Did he find something new?”, Dis asked. Bilbo nodded.

“Oh, he's really good, isn't he? Sure, I'm free from Saturday afternoon to Sunday. He can drop by whenever.”

_Saturday afternoon? You're staying for dinner, of course. We look forward to it!_

The reply came immediately.

_Dinner sounds great. I'll be there around four. See you then!_

“Saturday at four”, Bilbo said. “We could read up on Amira and Thrain's letters before that, what do you think? Or else we'll never get around to do it.”

“Good idea”, Dis assented. She grinned. “I want to read all those soppy letters. And Thorin will have to sit through them, too.”

Bilbo laughed at that. “Agreed”, he grinned. Then he got up, joining Thorin in putting their nephew to bed with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I inflict my own likings on these characters, again. Yes, you got me. I'm a huge fan of Richard Siken. The man is a genius. I hold my copy of "Crush" very dear.  
> (Yes, this is me telling you to go read it. It's lovely poetry.)


	11. Chapter 11

“This is the most horrible, soppy thing I have ever read. I'm gonna get diabetes from this.”

“You know it doesn't work that way”, Dis said, rolling her eyes. “And you can drop the act, everyone here knows that you're a big romantic yourself. Except Fili. Although, on second thought, probably even he knows.”

Thorin eyed his nephew from the side at her words. The boy was looking through a picture book innocently enough. Then he returned his gaze to his sister, narrowing his eyes at her smirk.

“I know you would decline it if Bilbo wasn't here, but the fact that you're staying silent tells me that he would hit you over the head if you said something wrong. Which means I'm right. And thanks to these letters we even know who you got it from”, Dis concluded, grinning at his frown.

“I have no idea what you're talking about, I don't-”

“Save it!”, Bilbo exclaimed, shaking his head. Thorin directed his glare at him now. He returned the look completely unimpressed. “We all know it to be true, anyway. Now shut up, both of you, and continue with the letters. We're almost through.”

Dis smirked triumphantly while Thorin's features settled into something close to a pout. Then she returned her attention to the letters in front of her.

“That last one was from 1985. Is there another one from that year?”, she asked, flipping through the stack.

“As far as I can tell, no”, Bilbo mumbled. “I think that might have been one of the latest letters. You said that she left Ireland in 1986, which is also around the time the letters to your father stopped.”

“Yeah, I've got one or two from 86 here, but that's about it”, she nodded. “I'm guessing they didn't have time for letters anymore, once she got pregnant and had to deal with the abortion and everything.”

“Oh”, Bilbo blinked. “Right. I completely forgot about that! That was in 1986?”

Thorin nodded. “The year she moved away from Ireland”, he explained. “She was of age, but our grandparents would never have accepted her pregnancy. Or her abortion. Both were sins in their eyes. They seem to have been very strict. That's why she wanted to leave them so badly.”

“It must have been horrible for her”, Dis said. “Getting pregnant, I mean. Mum's always wanted children. I asked her once why she didn't keep the baby back then. She said that both she and Dad weren't ready yet. I understand it, I mean, I wouldn't have been ready at 19 either. And even if they had been, they could barely support themselves, nevermind a child. So she had the abortion.” A smile tugged on her lips. “But she did get her children, in the end. Just three years after that, she had Thorin. And then Frerin and me.”

“That was such a brave thing to do”, Bilbo said and shook his head. “Leave home, leave the country even, at 19, knowing exactly she wasn't to return. Make a decision as grave as that, keeping the baby or having an abortion.” He sighed. “I'm just sorry she had to grow up in such a strict family. Good for her that she made it out like that. She was so strong.”

“She was”, Dis agreed. They all stared into space for a moment, each dwelling on their own thoughts. The sudden sound of the doorbell almost made them jump.

“I'll get it.” Bilbo got up and hurried to the door. “Come in”, he smiled, waving Bard inside. “It's good to see you again! How have you been?”

“Great, great”, Bard replied, shooting him a grin as he slipped out of his coat. “I've been enjoying the last few warmer days with Sigrid and my wife. And I had a great time doing research for our project.” He handed Bilbo his jacket, inhaling deeply as he followed him inside. “Do I smell coffee?”

“And tea”, Bilbo nodded. “Plus those biscuits you liked so much last time. It's all ready.”

“Fantastic”, Bard smiled. “Lead the way, then. I've been looking forward to this all week.”

They sat down with a cup before getting to work. Bilbo leaned back with a smile, enjoying the time with his family and Bard immensely. Fili was seated on Thorin's lap, happily nibbling on a cookie as he kept their visitor occupied with all sorts of questions. The man didn't seem to mind being interrogated, if the twinkle in his eyes was anything to go by.

“Let's start, then”, Dis suggested when they'd emptied their cups. She turned to her son. “Fili, darling, we're going to work on something now. It'll be boring for you. You can go and find something to play with if you like, alright?”

The boy nodded, stealing another biscuit before he slid from Thorin's lap.

Bard had already taken the folder with the documents from his bag, ready to get started. Thorin cleared the table for him to lay out the papers.

“This time it was more challenging to find something out”, Bard began. “We've scratched the surface, now comes the bigger, hidden part. Thankfully", he grinned, "I know where to look to find that." With that he opened the folder, taking out a stack of paper.

“These tell us about a few more years of his life”, he explained, fanning out the documents on the table. "That man came around quite a bit, I've got to say. Here, for example. He took over a Bulgarian company after the owner signed her percentages over to him. And two months later, they were sold to someone else.” He paused. “You know what the interesting part here is, though?”

He placed an article in front of them, not waiting for an answer. “The former owner only resigned because of personal reasons. As in”, he pointed at the article, “her daughter having been involved in a car accident. It was hit and run, of course. After that, she left the company.” Bard smirked, raising his eyebrows. “And you know the most peculiar thing about this story?” His eyes gleamed as he leaned closer over the table, gazing at each of them before he continued. “The  _exact_ same thing happened seven years later, to the head of a company in Russia. A family member had an accident, he resigned due to “personal reasons”, Smaug took over. That one almost went past me, he was  _very_ careful not to get the papers involved. But in the times of internet, there's only so much one can do.”

With that he fell silent, giving them time to wrap their heads around the whole story. Bilbo stared from the article in his hands to Bard, at a loss for words.

“So he actually went that far?”, he got out eventually. He looked at Thorin and Dis, finding none of his own disbelief in their expressions. Bard nodded. “I find it all a bit too striking to be a coincidence, if I'm honest. I don't believe in coincidences. Not in my job. Not with a story like this.”

Bilbo shook his head. People had been hurt, had  _died_  because of this man. And he was still out there, wasn't he? Last year he'd been in Lyon, Bard had said. Having a good time, earning more money, while other people mourned the loss of their jobs, their families. He tasted something bitter in his mouth.  
A warm hand suddenly found his, running over his fingers and squeezing tightly before letting go again. Bilbo looked up and met the eyes of his boyfriend, who watched him intently. Seeing his own feelings reflected in his striking eyes somewhat soothed him a little. He took a deep breath before turning to Bard again. “And he got away with it, all that time? He was  _never_ caught?”

“No, he wasn't”, Bard confirmed. “It's obvious from how much harder these papers were to find that he began to try and stay inconspicuous from one point on. No more interviews, very little newspaper articles that mention his name. He's clever, he knows how to stay unseen. All that jumping around benefited him, too. His tactic is so simple, and yet so smart. He kept buying up institutions, only to sell them some time later for a much bigger price. And then he disappeared, moved somewhere else.”

“And that's how he got all his money”, Dis breathed out, concluding the thought. “And he started this when he was what, eighteen? Incredible. The man has a sense for the business”, she remarked dryly. “See?”, she said, turning to Thorin. “That's what Dad should have done when they were short on money after Mum had her abortion and moved here.” Her mocking expression faded, a pensive look taking its place. “I still don't know where they got the money from, now that I think about it. Who knows what he did to keep them overwater. Best not talk big.”

Bard, who had flipped through his notes, stopped mid-motion. He looked up, furrowing his brow.

“Didn't you say your mother lived in Northern Ireland before she came here?”, he asked.

“She did”, Thorin nodded. “Why?”

“Abortion is illegal in Northern Ireland, unless the life of the mother is at stake”, Bard said. He shrugged when Thorin raised his eyebrows at that. “I read an article on that once.”

“She didn't have it in Ireland”, Dis said. “She moved out quickly after learning about her pregnancy, she told me that. She was 19 at the time. My grandparents were really strict. We never met them, they didn't keep in touch after she left to live with Dad. She had the abortion here. Some sort of private clinic or something, she mentioned the name in one of the letters.”

Bard blinked. “A private clinic", he repeated.

“Yes”, Dis nodded, quirking an eyebrow questioningly.

“Like the Saint Elisabeth pivate clinic in London?”

Three pairs of eyes stared at Bard in silence. Thorin was the first to find his voice again.

“How did you...”

Bard gaped at them, his mouth hanging open. Then he jumped up so quickly that they all startled.

“I figured it out!”, he exclaimed, reaching for his bag. “I found the connection!” He took out another folder, throwing it on the table. He frantically went through the papers until he found what he was searching for, pulling it out triumphantly. When he looked at them again, his eyes gleamed.

“You know how I've been looking into those periods that were still missing on Smaug's timeline? Well, guess who was head of the Saint Elisabeth private clinic in 1986.”

He placed the document in front of them, watching as they took in what he presented them with.

“You're kidding”, Thorin said. Bilbo blinked repeatedly.

“This can't be”, he breathed out.

Dis was staring at Bard, her mouth shaped into a silent  _oh_. He held her gaze, nodding slowly. They both seemed to be making further connections in their heads, tying everything together.

“But it all makes so much sense!”, Dis exclaimed, covering her mouth in shock.

“What does?”, Thorin cut in on them. Bilbo looked at the others as well, waiting for an explanation.

Bard still kept his eyes on Dis, his mind obviously running a mile a minute. “You said they had no money, correct?”, he asked, ignoring Thorin's question.

“Correct”, Dis nodded. “She had to move after she got pregnant, the abortion cost money  _and_  our father suddenly had to provide for two.”

“And that letter exchange between your father and Smaug started in 2004, right?” He looked between Dis and Thorin expectantly.

“Yes.”

“And when did Durin Co. really start to succeed? When did your family cross the line to being wealthy?”

Thorin stared at Bard, then his sister, then Bard again. His eyes went wide as the realisation dawned on him. Bilbo let out a displeased groan.

“As I seem to be the only one who still doesn't understand, can someone  _please_  tell me what's going on?”, he demanded, not bothering to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“The business really started to bloom around the turn of the millenium”, Thorin explained, turning his eyes to Bilbo. “By 2004, our family had money in abundance.”

Bilbo opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. 

“Oh.  _Oh!_ ” He stared at Dis, inhaling deeply. “You said they had no money when Amira moved here, but somehow, suddenly, they did. And that was all before the business left them wealthy. Which means that something happened, right? Somehow, your parents ended up having money they shouldn't have had. And once it payed off to blackmail them, the letters started. Which means, Smaug knew what your parents did to get their money and he had proof for it. Correct?”

Both of the siblings nodded in union.

“That... is incredible”, Bilbo finished. “What a bloody story. And we never knew, all those years!" He sat back. "The question is,  _wha_ t did he have on him? What did he know about your father that he could use against him, to blackmail him?”

“ _That_  is what we have to find out. That, and what happened when Thrain kept declining Smaug's... offers. Then it's all out in the open”, Bard breathed out.

“Well, at least we know  _how_  Smaug found out that they did something. You know how you always have to do these counselling interviews before an abortion? Smaug had access to all the files while he was head of the clinic.”

“They must have mentioned how short they were on money”, Bard mused. "Of course it must have come up." He ran a hand through his hair. “And then he either realised what they did to gain financial stability, or he even told them how to achieve it.”

“And how do we find out?”

Bard let out a sigh. “By digging deeper. A lot deeper. And with a good portion of luck, too.”

It was only when silence fell that Bilbo noticed the two siblings having dropped out of their conversation, silently communicating with each other instead. Thorin was looking very tense as Dis's piercing gaze rested on him. Bilbo frowned.

“What is it?”, he asked, resting his hand over Thorin's, mimicing his earlier touch. The man tore his gaze from his sister, turning his hand around to squeeze Bilbo's. The gesture was too gentle, too tender; it didn't match his posture, the grave expression on his features.

“Well, we already know one of those things”, he said, almost considerately. Bilbo stared at him in silence. He knew what he was talking about. Of course he knew. He'd thought about it too, of course he had. But saying it out loud, actually starting to believe it-

“What?”, Bard asked, turning his head to him. “What do we know?”

Bilbo swallowed, still saying nothing. Thorin kept his eyes on him, waiting.

“So you really think it was him, yes?”, Bilbo asked eventually, looking between Dis and his boyfriend.

“Don't you?”, Dis asked softly.

Bilbo let out a sigh, shaking his head. “No, I do”, he said, brushing a strand of his hair behind his ear. “I do. I just- this is such a huge step. If we go there-” He broke off, closing both his hands around Thorin's. The silent touch calmed him a little, enough to gather his thoughts. A small part of him hoped that it did the same for Thorin.

“Go where?”, Bard asked, interrupting his inner workings. Bilbo had already forgotten that he'd asked a question.

“You know how we lost our brother during a fire in 2005?”, Dis asked, turning to him. Bard nodded, waiting for her to go on. “That wasn't just an accident. It was arson. And they never caught the person who did it.”

Bard stared at her, not bothering to close his mouth. “No”, he breathed out. Dis held his gaze. " _No._ "

“Yes.”

“Good god.” He sat back, running a hand over his face. “What have we discovered here?”, he mumbled, shaking his head.

Thorin suddenly stood up, withdrawing his hand from Bilbo's. “I have to make a call. I'll be right back.”

Bilbo watched him go in silence. He tried to imagine what his boyfriend was feeling that moment, he couldn't grasp it. He was overwhelmed by the revelations himself, he couldn't imagine what it must've been like for the two siblings. 

He turned his eyes to Dis. Her shoulders were tense, a flush decorated her features. She looked fierce. There was a gleam in her eyes that Bilbo wasn't certain spoke of excitement or anger; possibly it was both.

Thorin returned a few minutes later, finishing his call as he entered the room again.

“I'm driving to the company with Bofur and a few others tomorrow. We're going to look through every file in that archive, digital or not. Maybe we'll find something. About Smaug, about what my father did to get the money. Anything.”

“Good”, Bard nodded. “We need more details. How your parents got the money. Proof that Smaug had something to do with the fire.”

Everyone nodded, absorbed in their own thoughts for a moment.

“So what now?”, Dis asked eventually. “I mean, do we tell the police? Do we make this public?”

“Not yet”, Thorin and Bard said at the same time. They gazed at each other before Bard continued. “We have no actual proof, not yet. Until we know what Thrain did to get that money, we can't do anything. And without real proof it'll be hard to get to Smaug. I mean, there's always the possibility of making this story public. But we all know he's good at disappearing. It's no use if he slips through our fingers.”

“So we wait”, Bilbo concluded, chewing on his lip. The option left him displeased, but it was, in the end, their only one.

“So we wait”, Bard agreed, not looking too happy about that prospect either.

“Good things come to those who do”, Dis mumbled, quirking an eyebrow. Thorin let out a deep sigh at her words.

“Let's hope so.”

 

It was late when Bard left, Fili had long been put to bed before he bid them goodbye. The three of them stood in silence for a while after the door had closed behind him.

“I really need to sleep”, Dis breathed out eventually. There was nothing left to say for now. Bilbo was certain he wasn't the only one whose head was still spinning, hours later.

“Yeah, me too”, Thorin agreed. He pulled his sister to his chest, pressing a kiss to her hair before letting her go. She wrapped her arms around Bilbo as well before waving them goodnight. Thorin was looking after her, his eyes a hundred miles away. Bilbo stepped closer to him, cupping his cheek. Thorin leaned into the touch, moving his gaze to Bilbo. His eyes closed when Bilbo ran his thumb over his cheekbone gently.

“Come here”, he mumbled, taking his face in both his hands and pulling him down for a kiss. Thorin let out a sigh when their lips met. The sound left a tingling sensation in his stomach. After all these years, all those times he'd heard it, it still did. The soft warmth of Thorin's lips was enough to make him sigh as well, leaning closer to make as much of the touch as possible.

They parted only reluctantly, staying in each other's personal space.

“Come on”, Bilbo mumbled to Thorin's mouth, still close enough to share his breath. Thorin inhaled deeply, then nodded. He pressed a peck to Bilbo's lips before taking his hand in his, leading him to the bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12

“Let us know if you need any help, or if anything's up”, Dis said as Thorin slipped into his coat. Bilbo stood beside her, nodding along.

“We can drop by any time”, he added. “You know I'm meeting up with Ori today, but I can drive to the company anytime if you need me to. I actually think I'll go to Ori's a bit earlier than planned.” He glanced at the clock. “I'm supposed to be there in two hours, but I'll leave a little earlier. If he isn't done with his work yet, I can read over his notes already. So it's no problem if you call later. It's no hassle for me to drive up there.”

“No, it's fine.” Thorin shook his head decidedly. “Bofur and a few others are with me, we'll be fine. You two use the time for what you have planned for today. You can both use some rest.” His face softened as his eyes darted between them.

 _And what about you?_ , Bilbo wanted to ask. He noticed the way Thorin's shoulders were tense or how his eyes bespoke exhaustion, not necessarily a physical one. He didn't like it one bit.

Thorin didn't notice the concerned look his boyfriend was giving him. He eyed his sister, his focus on her. “Especially you should take care. You can't overstrain yourself, not in your state.”

He flinched at the punch aimed at his shoulders, accompanied by a piercing glare.

“What's there to overstrain? I'm pregnant, not ill. I'm perfectly capable of working through some old files.”

The annoyance in her voice showed just what she thought about being coddled. Thorin didn't look convinced. Dis closed her eyes, letting out a deep sigh. “You know I would wrestle you  _right now_ , if my belly wasn't in the way.”

“Classy”, Thorin remarked, raising his eyebrows. “Haven't heard that one in a while. Just like the old times, sister dear.” A smile played on his lips as he turned to Bilbo. “And you”, he said, stepping closer. “You go and work on your story. Don't wait for a call from me. I'll tell you when we're back if we found anything at all.”

He bent down, catching Bilbo's lips between his in a sweet kiss. The light touch wasn't nearly sufficient for Bilbo's taste. He bit his lip when Thorin withdrew, keeping himself from grabbing his face and pulling him down for another one.

“Promise me you'll call if you need something. Anything”, he insisted, despite his words. Thorin sighed and nodded as he grabbed his bag.

“Sure. But I won't.”

“This man is just too stubborn”, Dis let out when he left. “I don't know how you keep up with him.”

Bilbo exhaled deeply. Then his lips curved into a smile. “Well, the kisses are quite nice, for one. And there's other things, if you must know...”

“I don't”, Dis interrupted before he could go on. “I really, really don't.”

 

 

_I'll be there early, if that's okay! Actually, I'll be there early whether it's okay or not because I'm already on my way. Sorry. This is your warning!_

 

_Okay, it's not my fault you didn't look at your phone. I'm there in a few minutes._

 

Bilbo frowned as he rang the doorbell to Ori's flat the second time. Ori not picking up his phone wasn't unusual. Ori not opening the door when he was at home, on the other hand, was. He was about to press the button for the third time when he heard a sudden thud from inside, as though someone had knocked over a piece of furniture.

“Just a moment!”, a frantic voice called. Bilbo's frown deepened.

“Are you okay?”, he asked, listening for an answer. “Is something the matter?”

“I'm fine, I'm good!”, his voice sounded back. “I just need-  _no, not that!_ ” The last words were muffled. Bilbo leaned closer to the door to catch them.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!” The door was ripped open and a flushed Ori appeared. The first thing Bilbo noted was his hair, which was a complete mess. 

Also that his shirt was buttoned up the wrong way. 

Bilbo stared at the buttons in confusion before raising his eyes to Ori's face. The man looked at him with what he probably thought to be a calm and relaxed expression. Bilbo had known him for ten years now. He saw right through it.

“You're early”, Ori stated, his voice somewhat weak.

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “Yes, sorry. I did send a text, but you didn't read it. Obviously.”

Ori flushed a little more. “Oh. Yeah.”

Bilbo blinked. Ori was blinking right back, still standing halfway behind the door.

“Well”, Bilbo said. A moment passed, neither of them moved. He could almost hear the ticking of the seconds as they looked at each other. He cleared his throat. “Um. Can I come in, or-”

“Oh! Yes, sorry, of course, I just-” 

Ori fumbled for words before shutting his eyes briefly, giving it up with a sigh. Bilbo blinked again, more than a little confused by his friend's ominous behaviour.

“You know, I can just come back later if there's- oh.  _Oh._ ”

Bilbo was torn between staring and bursting into laughter. He was certain that the way he was gaping at the man who had appeared behind Ori was rather unflattering, but he couldn't help himself.

“Hey, Bilbo.” The words sounded a bit strangled. Bilbo bit back his laughter, somehow managing to keep his face straight.

“Hello, Dwalin.” The man almost winced at the sound of his name. He didn't seem to realise his hair was a mess as well, which Bilbo noted with curiosity. “How are you doing?”, he enquired, giving him an innocent smile.

“Fine”, he grunted. He glanced at Ori, shutting his eyes before peeking back at Bilbo. “You?”, he added, only slightly belated.

“I'm great”, Bilbo smiled. “But I'd actually like to go inside now, if I may. It's a bit chilly outside, don't you think?” He quirked an eyebrow at the two of them, who were sheepishly looking back at him. “Are you keeping us company, or...?”

“No, no”, Dwalin declined. “I was just... leaving.”

Bilbo bit his lip again. He worried that he'd taste blood soon, if this was to go on any longer. The corner of his mouth still twitched up, despite his efforts. 

“Were you”, he remarked, struggling for composure. Dwalin blinked at him before shutting his eyes again, turning to Ori.

“Um. I'll just- 'twas nice, that. Err. I'll call you.” His eyes darted to Bilbo at that. “Thanks for lending me the book.” He backed away, almost stumbling down the stairs. “Bilbo”, he nodded as he passed him, conveniently not looking into his eyes.

“I'll see you soon!”, Ori called after him, watching him go maybe a tiny bit longer than strictly necessary. Then he closed the door, catching Bilbo's amused gaze as he turned around. “Oh, please”, he begged, shutting his eyes. “Just shut up, please.”

Bilbo followed him to the kitchen, the sly grin not leaving his face. “Not saying a word”, he stated. Ori glared at his expression, groaning. “You know, that flush looks good on you. It's a nice look.”

“You said you weren't saying a word!”, Ori exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“I'm not! I promise, I'm not.” Bilbo chuckled. A moment passed before he added, unable to help himself: “Oh, and Ori?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Your shirt is buttoned up the wrong way. I just thought I'd let you know.”

 

Bilbo couldn't help the grin on his face as he drove back home. Ori hadn't wanted to talk about the encounter, so Bilbo had let it slip. He knew Ori, he'd start telling him everything soon enough anyway.  
They'd made good progress with their story instead. When he parked his car down their street it was already dark and much later than he'd planned. He supposed that Thorin was back by now, too. 

He turned his head as he approached the door, dragging his eyes across the parked cars to see if he could make out his boyfriend's.

He nearly jumped when he saw the figure standing on the other side of the street, almost hidden by the shadows. 

Bilbo couldn't tell whether the shock or the unsettling feeling that crept up his spine caused his heart to beat faster. It was pumping in his chest either way. He carefully moved his gaze when he realised the person – a man, judging by the broad shoulders – was looking into his direction. Or that of the house. He let his eyes wander over him once more before turning his head back, forcing his breath to stay even. 

He wasn't being watched. Why would he be watched? 

The man hadn't moved, not giving any indication of his intentions. Bilbo fumbled for his keys, ignoring the way his heartbeat increased further. He threw a last look over his shoulder, almost hesitantly, when he'd opened the door. The man had dissappeared.

Bilbo blinked at the shadows for a moment before stepping inside, shaking his head. He relaxed at the familiar atmosphere of his house. The tension left his shoulders and he wondered just when exactly he'd become such a fraidy-cat.

“Hey”, Thorin greeted him when Bilbo entered the flat. Dis and Fili were there as well, both smiling when they saw him. Fili was playing at the table, while Dis rested on the sofa opposite the one Thorin sat on. He looked up, raising his eyebrows at Bilbo's expression. “You're okay?”

“Yeah, fine", Bilbo waved aside. "I just- what is that?” Bilbo's eyes had fallen on the folder in Dis's hands, recognising it as one from Durin Co. He turned to Thorin, his eyebrows shooting up. “Did you find something?”

“Yes”, Thorin nodded, waving him over to the sofa. “Put down your things and sit, I'll tell you.”

Bilbo dropped his bag, joining his boyfriend on the sofa. “So, what is it?”, he asked. "What did you find?"

“We looked through our finances around the time my mother moved here”, Thorin explained. “First there was nothing out of order, but then we found those." He pointed at the documents. "The figures don't match. Severely.” His eyes were fixed on the papers as he continued, getting to the point without further ado. “It's clear now how our parents got the money they needed to live. My father evaded taxes.”

Bilbo's eyes widened as he stared at him. “Oh my god”, he breathed out. “Are you- I mean, are you sure?”  
He wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to that knowledge. He didn't endorse such actions, of course. But that moment, all he could feel was empathy for Thrain and Amira. If he was in Thrain's situation, if he had to do something illegal to get Thorin out of a toxic family, keep him safe, he knew how he'd choose in a heartbeat. And he knew that everyone else in that room would, too.

Dis closed the folder, handing it over to Bilbo. She looked as calm as Thorin had told him the story. They both didn't seem too shaken by the revelation either, confirming his assumption. 

“Here”, she said. “It's all written down in there. Looks like Dad wasn't quite the saint either”, she commented dryly.

“That won't tell me much. I don't know anything about finances”, Bilbo said as he took the folder. He flipped through the pages, blinking at the figures before closing the file. “What happens if this comes out? I mean, what happens to the company?”

“Quite frankly, I have no idea”, Thorin admitted. “I told Bofur to look into it, then we'll decide how to proceed.”

Bilbo nodded, chewing on his lip. “Should I tell Bard?”

“I already called him”, Thorin said. He rolled his eyes at Bilbo's surprised expression, the sight putting a smile on the smaller man's face. “We agreed on letting this settle for a while before we do anything else. We still can't prove that Smaug had anything to do with the fire, and Bard agreed that I should focus on Azog de Filer for the moment, rather than get worked up over an old story.”

“And he's right”, Dis remarked. Her hands rubbed her belly absentmindly. Then a smile played on her lips. Her eyes wandered to her son.

“Fili, darling, come here”, she called. The boy slid from his chair, jumping towards her. Dis brushed the strands of hair that fell into his face behind his ear. “Your brother just woke up. Do you want to feel him?” Fili looked at her with wide eyes, nodding eagerly.

“Yes!”, he screeched, squirming with excitement. Dis smiled as she took his small hands, guiding them to her stomach. “There”, she mumbled. Fili was staring at her stomach in utmost concentration, as though he could feel his brother kicking through his gaze. “Do you feel him?”

He nodded, pressing his hands to the flesh in silent wonder. Then he threw his arms around Dis's stomach, embracing it tightly. He looked like he was trying to shield his brother from every harm. Bilbo couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.  
He had no siblings himself, but he saw how close Thorin and Dis were. As it was already clear that Fili would love his brother fiercely, he was glad that he would get to grow up with one.

“When will he come out?”, Fili asked, his voice muffled from where he pressed his cheek to his mother's stomach. He still sounded a little baffled as he asked the question; the concept of a baby being born being too strange for him to fully understand.

“Not long now”, Dis said. “He's supposed be born in December, it's November now. Just five more weeks. I know that sounds long to you, but I promise it'll pass in no time. Your brother will be here before you know it.”

Fili nodded, squeezing once more before letting go, slumping down on the other sofa between his two uncles.

“Oh, by the way”, Dis changed the topic. “That reminds me. I'm taking Fili to the holiday house some time next week. And before you ask, no, I won't carry heavy boxes or anything of the like.” Thorin closed his mouth as though he hadn't just been about to protest. Bilbo couldn't help but snicker.

“I think that's a great idea”, he said. “We haven't had time to go back there since we found the letters last time.”

Dis nodded. “I'm free to do it now, so why not? Maybe we'll even be done with it before I'm due, then we can finally figure out what to do with it.”

“Sounds like a plan”, Thorin agreed. “Though, right now I'm not opposed to keeping it. I think we could all use a place where we can have some time off every once in a while...”

“There's nothing to be said against keeping it”, Dis shrugged. "I don't mind."

Bilbo sat back as they talked it through. The bigger, heavier issue still hovered over them, but it was easier to follow Bard's advice and let it rest as they sat together, discussing normal things of their normal lives.  
The rush of fear from earlier, when he'd come home, was long forgotten, pushed to the back of his mind as he watched the two siblings.

He suddenly thought how lucky they were that they were so close, lived together. He couldn't imagine his life without Dis and Vili, or Fili, or the baby even, being such a big part of it. The domesticity of the whole situation evoked a warm, pleasant feeling in his chest.

Beside him he could feel the warmth of his nephew's body, and he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. Something about the calm before the storm?
> 
> (This is the part where I tell you to go and read the tags again. Just... so. No reason.)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me. ”

“Did Dis and Fili leave already?”

“Yes, they just took off. She said they'll be staying over night, so we'll have the house all to ourselves...”

Thorin chuckled on the other end of the line. “You know it doesn't really make a difference, since we're living on seperate floors and all...”

“You insufferable man. You know exactly what I mean.”

“I do”, Thorin agreed. He was silent for a moment before he asked, the smirk on his face audible in his voice: “Why, you've got something planned?”

A moment passed before Bilbo answered, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. “Maybe?”

Thorin was silent for a beat. When he spoke, his voice took a low undertone. “I'm intrigued. Tell me more.”

“There's nothing to tell”, Bilbo said. “I'd much rather show you, once you get home...” 

The teasing made Thorin groan. Bilbo could almost see his exasperated expression. He bit back a laugh.

“That's  _not_  fair. You know I have to sit through a meeting  _and_  do some filing before I can leave. I need something to... motivate me. Get me through the day.”

Bilbo laughed. “I'm pretty sure your imagination is sufficient. I wouldn't want to distract you too much. Then it would just take you even longer to get everything done and come home to me.”

“You're cruel.”

“So I've been told. I'll see you tonight, I gotta rush. I have classes in half an hour.”

“Alright”, Thorin sighed out, sounding deeply afflicted. Bilbo chuckled when he ended the call. He was already looking forward to when he'd get home that night, anticipation prickling in his stomach at the thoughts.

The day was an ordinary one, none Bilbo would later be able to really remember. His students behaved the same as every other day. His colleagues chatted him up about the weather and upcoming class tests. He left in the afternoon, driving to Erebor for his lecture early in the evening. The students listened to him with different levels of interest. One of them stayed after the lecture to ask a question, there was always at least one.   
It was only when Bilbo was left alone to pack his things, wondering what he'd cook for dinner as he did so, that he remembered to check his phone. He frowned when he saw the notifications.

 

_3 missed calls: Bard Bowman_

 

The calls had come in back-to-back, the last one just a few minutes ago. Bilbo raised his eyebrows, wondering what could be so important that Bard couldn't text him about it, but had to call him during his lecture. And not once, but three times.   
He quickly packed his things together, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in his guts. He dialed Bard's number as soon as he got out of the building, his heart pounding just a little too hard in his chest as he held the phone to his ear.

Bard picked up almost immediately. “Hello?” 

Bilbo tried not to tense at the tone of his voice. “It's me, Bilbo.”

“Oh”, Bard breathed out. “Thank god.” 

That didn't sound very reassuring. “I just saw that you called me. Has something happened?”, Bilbo asked tentatively.

“Yes, sorry. I didn't want to startle you, but I just found something you need to know about. It's really, really important.”

Bilbo's stomach sank at those words. He swallowed, trying to push the feeling down as he asked: “What did you find?”

“Last time Thorin and I talked, he mentioned that businessman that keeps bugging him. His name is Azog de Filer, right?” 

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. That wasn't what he'd expected him to start with. “Uh, yes. He's that French businessman that just started buying all those companies at one point. You've probably read about him before, he's drawn quite a lot of attention. Why?”

Bard exhaled, and in that slight pause between the question and his answer, Bilbo knew that something was wrong. Something was terribly, terribly wrong and Bard would tell him in a moment, and then the feeling that twisted his guts would have a name.

Bard answered with a counter question. “And that started last year around June, am I right?”

“Yes”, Bilbo confirmed, getting irritated now. “Why? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Bilbo, do you remember how I said that Smaug was in Lyon last year in May?”

Bilbo stopped dead in his tracks. The way his head suddenly spun left him breathless, gasping for air. This was too much; too big. He didn't understand what Bard was telling him, couldn't grasp the meaning of those words. What he was saying, it was-

But it made sense. Oh, it made so much sense. How de Filer had showed up out of nowhere, how he'd kept harassing Thorin with his obsessive interest in Durin Co. Bilbo raised his hand to his mouth, only then realising that Bard was still waiting for an answer.

“Yes”, he managed to say, clenching his jaw. “Bard, if you're telling me what I think you're telling me...”

“I looked into Smaug's past a little more and ended up at the last source of his whereabouts again – May 2022, Lyon. The head of the company he was involved with there was a man called Azog de Filer.”

Bilbo shook his head, realising a moment too late that Bard couldn't see it.

“Are you really-”, he began.

“I'm one hundred percent sure, Bilbo. I looked into it immediately, I even talked to someone from that company. It can be useful, being a journalist. There's no doubt that this Azog de Filer is the same that resides in England at the moment, buying up one company after another. With money nobody knows where he got it from.” He paused for a moment, giving Bilbo hardly any time to collect his thoughts before speaking again. “You realise what that means, right? Smaug came back for Durin Co., he's trying again. Bilbo, you all may well be in danger if he decides-”

Bard's voice was drowned out by Bilbo's thoughts, spinning in his head. Azog belonged to Smaug. Who was coming back for Durin Co., almost twenty years later. Smaug, who had killed people in order to get what he wanted. 

There'd been a man watching them, Bilbo suddenly remembered. He  _had_  watched them and now he  _knew_  that he hadn't imagined it. And suddenly he knew, knew with absolute certainty that they were all in danger.

They were  _all_  in danger.

“Bilbo?”

Bilbo realised that he was clutching the phone to his ear, staring in silence as he put together the pieces. “God, no”, he breathed out.

“Bilbo, are you alright? What happened?” He could hardly make out the words over the blood buzzing in his ears. He tried to snap out of it, focus on what was before him. One step at a time.

“Fine, I'm fine”, he hurried to say, swallowing back the bitter taste of panic welling up in his mouth. “I gotta go, Bard. I gotta- I'm gonna call you back. Oh god. I'll call you back, I promise.”

He hung up, gasping for air desperately as he tried to calm himself.

His first instinct, though he knew it wasn't rational, was to make certain that Thorin was alright. He needed to make sure, needed to  _know_  that he was fine. He'd dialed the number before he even realised he'd made the decision, the phone already at his ear again.

“Bofur?”

“Bilbo? Is something wrong? You sound-”

“Bofur, Thorin is with you, right?”, he interrupted, politeness being the last of his concerns that moment.

“Yeah, 'course he is”, the man confirmed, sounding slightly irritated. “Bilbo, are you okay? Should I put you through to him? He's about to go into the meeting, but-”

“No, it's fine”, Bilbo declined. “I just- I just wanted to know, that's all. Don't worry about it. Forget that I called, it's nothing important. I'll see you around.”

He hung up before Bofur got the chance to reply. His chest heaved as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to think clearly. Thorin was fine. And he would continue to be, he was sure of that.

Because Azog de Filer wouldn't go directly for him. He'd had plenty of chances to harm Thorin and he hadn't done it. No, if he was working for Smaug, he would go about this another way. He would play. And Thorin was the most important pawn in the game of all.

He would break him. He would break him the same way his father had been broken all those years ago.

It was Dis he would go for.

Bilbo closed his eyes, nausea welling up in him. He raised the phone to his ear again, this time calling Dis' number.

She didn't pick up.

Bilbo tried to fight the trembling that befell his limbs as he stumbled to the car, already on his way without even realising where he was going.

He tried to calm down, to stay rational as he headed for the holiday house. He willed himself to think of something other than his nephew's face, other than Dis. Anything to keep his mind occupied. He wasn't ready to think of the consequences yet. He wasn't ready to accept that something had happened before he was forced to, before he'd seen it himself.

_Maybe she just didn't hear it ringing. Maybe she just turned her phone off._

But Dis never turned her phone off. Bilbo drove faster, gripping the wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His thoughts wandered, focusing on the realisation he'd had earlier as he'd put together all the pieces.

He had seen him himself, that stranger. Watching him, watching the house. He'd dismissed it, hadn't taken his instinct seriously, and now someone he loved was going to get hurt for it, was going to-

Bilbo's heart pounded so fast in his chest that he feared it would break out, leave him with a gaping hole that he knew he could never fix again. Images of Dis flashed through his mind; sitting on their sofa, rubbing her round stomach with a smile, throwing a pillow at Thorin's head. Images of Fili; wriggling onto his lap, throwing his arms around him, taking his hand tightly in his small one.

He would lose them all, the woman he considered a sister, his nephew, the baby that wasn't even born yet; that would never get the chance to live at all. And it was his fault.

He called Dis' number again and again, refusing to accept that it was futile. If he just kept trying-

The drive to the house wasn't long, but he felt like he was taking forever. And then, the last few seconds before he got there. He remembered them with perfect clarity, for they felt like hours and the flash of a moment at the same time.

Because when he drove around the last corner, he could see the house. And it was on fire.

“Oh my god”, he whispered. “Oh my god.”

He was grateful that his brain switched to autopilot that moment. He wasn't sure he would have managed to call the fire department while still driving otherwise.

He didn't remember parking, or stumbling to the house, or deciding to go inside until he was standing in the hallway. He wasted no thoughts on worrying about how bad of an idea that was as he headed farther inside.

“Dis!”, he cried out, coughing as he searched the rooms. Thick smoke welcomed him from the end of the hall. He stepped closer, seeing the flames spreading on the back side of the house.

“Dis? Fili?” He chased through the rooms, stopping in his tracks when he saw a figure in the burning room - Dis. She was standing at the foot of the stairs; standing, alive. She was _alive_. “Dis!”, he screamed, coughing again. She didn't even turn her head when he approached her, checking her for wounds immediately. Her eyes were fixed on the stairs.

“Dis, are you-”

“He's up there”, she interrupted. Bilbo followed her eyes. “Fili's up there. I have to go and get him.”

“No, no, no, wait!”, Bilbo cried, grabbing her arm to keep her from ascending the stairs. “How long have you been in here?”, he managed to ask, the question interrupted by another coughing fit. She didn't reply, tearing her arm from his grip.

“Stop!”, he yelled, stepping in front of her. “It's not safe! You don't know how bad it is up there, the fire has already spread-”

“That's  _exactly_  why I need to go”, she snapped, looking to get past him. Her gaze was frantic. Bilbo swallowed hard. He had no idea how he could get through to her, stop her from going up there.

“Dis, listen! This smoke is toxic, it's going to kill you in no time, if the flames don't get to you first!”

“Then what do you think it will do to a five year old child?”, she spat out, looking but a second from pushing him aside.

“You  _can't_  go up there, for god's sake!”, Bilbo begged. "I won't let you! I can't, Vili would kill me, Thorin would kill me.  _I_  would kill me if I let you go! Please, Dis, you've been breathing this smoke for too long, you won't make it much longer-”

She wasn't listening. She would go up there and Bilbo couldn't do anything to stop her. He didn't think he'd ever felt that desperate in his life before. He'd gotten here in time, and yet, he'd lose her anyway.

“I will go, I'll get him!”, he cried out, staring at her as he pleaded. “I swear to you that I will get you your son back, if you just  _get outside now!_ ”

“I can't leave him alone up there”, she hissed. “And I can't let _you_ go up and get him. What do you think Throin would do to  _me_ , hm? What  _I'd_  do, if you were hurt?”

“I'm small, I'm quicker than you. I can get in in no time, if you  _just_  let me and leave this house,  _now!_ ”

She shook her head and Bilbo knew that her patience had reached its end. She would push him aside, walk into the flames, into her death.

“Dis!”, he cried, and he was glad for the force his desperation confered his voice, because for just one moment, it made her listen. “You  _have_  to listen to me, for crying out loud, it's not safe! I swear I will go and bring you your son, but you need to  _leave_ , now!” He gripped her arm tightly, nodding to her stomach. This was his last chance. If she didn't listen now, he had no more aces up his sleeve. This was the last thing he could think of, the only thing that could still work. “You've been in here for too long and you  _know_ it. If you don't go now you will lose them  _both!_ ”

He stared at her, almost closing his eyes in a silent prayer that it had worked, that he'd gotten through to her. Dis stared back at him in silence, her face a pained mix of desperation and sheer panic as she let his words sink in.

It was the only thing that could get her to leave this house without her son, Bilbo knew that. She knew that, too.   
The seconds seemed to stretch endlessly. She clenched her jaw, looking ready to scream with vast frustration. They both knew that with every second they stood there, they endangered Fili even more. She blinked several times before giving a sharp nod at last, indicating her defeat. Bilbo hadn't realised he'd held his breath until he let the air out with relief, exhaling deeply.

“ _Go_ ”, he urged, already turning to the stairs. She gripped his arm before he could go, making him turn back around.

“Bring him back to me”, she said, her voice but a cracked whisper. Bilbo never wanted to see her this broken again.

“I promise”, Bilbo said. He looked into her eyes, and he saw in them that she knew it was a lie. He hated himself for telling it, hated himself for knowing it was one. Because he couldn't guarantee he would get Fili out unharmed.    
Not if they wasted any more time, anyway. 

He turned to the stairs again, frowning when she didn't let go of his arm, but tightened her grip instead. “Dis, I-”

He turned just in time to see her eyes shutting as she slumped to the floor, just so catching her before she hit the ground. “Oh, no, no,  _no_ ”, he whispered, his heart contracting in his chest. “Dis, no, come on, wake up.” He patted her cheek, blinking back tears of desperation that threatened to stifle him. “Dis”, he chocked out. His vision blurred, the smoke and tears in his eyes leaving him nearly blind. 

Bilbo coughed as he put his hands under her shoulders, dragging her across the floor. He stumbled out the front door, desperately gasping for the fresh air as he laid her down on the ground. He took a quick breath, filling his lungs with the sweet, clear air once more before struggling to his feet again, heading for the house. 

It was with everything he had that he tore himself from her still body, leaving without checking for vital signs. But he knew that every second he was out here could be the one that decided over Fili's fate. He took one last deep breath, pleading it wouldn't be his last, and went back in.

He headed straight for the stairs, gasping for air when he'd finished climbing them. He immediately started coughing. The smoke had thickened while he'd been outside, the air left him completely breathless now. He covered his nose with his sleeve, looking around. Relief flooded through him when he saw that he fire hadn't spread to Fili's room yet. He headed for the door, taking a deep breath of the comparatively fresh air inside as he opened it. It was only a moment before the smoke began to fill that room, too. 

“Hey, sweetheart”, he mumbled when he laid his eyes on Fili. The boy was asleep in the darkened room, oblivious to everything falling apart around him. Bilbo snatched him from the bed, holding him to his chest as he retreated from the room again. The boy stirred, opening his eyes slowly as Bilbo hurried down the stairs.  
“'ncle Bilbo?”, he mumbled, blinking in disorientation.   
“Yes, Fili, it's me”, Bilbo said, surpressing a coughing fit. Around them, the house was creaking under the impact of the flames. His eyes were fixed on the door. The wall had already caught fire, but if they'd get to the hallway and then outside-

“'s hot”, the boy slurred, wriggling in Bilbo's arms. It was, he realised then. Of course it was hot. In fact, the flames were so close that he felt like his skin was boiling. He was afraid to look down, to see that maybe, he was right and it was. He didn't feel the sweat dripping from him anymore, was only reminded of it when he saw the beads of sweat on Fili's forehead. He ran his thumb over it, pressing a kiss there.

“I know”, he mumbled, carefully pressing Fili's nose into his jacket again, shielding him from the smoke. “We'll be out of here in a minute, we just-”

He stopped, watching with horror as a balk cracked and sank, slanting towards the door.

_No, no, no, no._

The balk sloped painfully slowly before it fell. It hit the ground with a horrible finality, blocking the way out.

Bilbo took a step back as he tried to come up with an alternative before he came to a halt, realising that there was none. The way through the back of the house was blocked as well. That door had been their last chance. There was no other way out. And now it was closed, too. He was too big to fit through the little hole left, it would be closed by flames in a minute as well-

He was too big. He was too big to fit through the small space left beneath the burning balk, but Fili wasn't. 

He may be doomed to stay in this house, but Fili could get out. He'd made a promise to Dis, to return her son to her, and he would. He would keep his promise.

He carefully placed Fili on the ground, kneeling before him. 

“Listen to me, darling”, he said, surprised by how calm his voice sounded.  _It's for him_ , he thought.  _Hold it together for Fili_. “You're gonna have to do something very brave now, but I promise you, if you do that you'll be safe and back with your Ma.” He halted for a moment, rendered speechless. He hoped that he wasn't lying to his nephew. 

“You see that spot there?” He pointed to the door, realising with a jolt that the flames had almost reached it. He needed to hurry. He couldn't let this chance pass. It was Fili's last. “If you crawl through that, very carefully, you'll get to the hallway. The door is open. I need you to run outside, get out of this house. Your mum's there, she's waiting outside for you.” He almost chocked on the words. “She's- she's asleep, but I need you to go to her and wait, alright?” 

He took Fili's face in his hands, holding his gaze. The fear in his nephew's eyes made his heart sink. He'd never wanted him to have to do what he was asking of him now. “You need to stay with her, no matter if she wakes up or not. There'll be a few people arriving in a while. You know the firefighters from that book you have?” Fili nodded and Bilbo managed a smile, though it was somewhat diminished by the tears welling up in his eyes. Whether it was the smoke or the overwhelming sorrow he felt, he didn't know. It stung horribly. It made him want to close his eyes and never open them again. But he kept them fixed on Fili, taking in every detail of him. “They will look just like them, and they will look after you. You're going to be a good boy, aren't you? They will take care of you until one of us comes to get you.” His chest tightened as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head, closing his eyes briefly. “Good boy. You're such a good boy. Now go, you have to hurry.” 

Fili looked at the door, then back to Bilbo. His eyes were wide with incomprehension. “I'll follow you another way, if I can”, Bilbo assured as he guessed his thoughts, nudging him towards the exit. “You just go ahead, alright?”

Another promise doomed to fail. He was getting too good at this.  

Fili blinked at him, then he turned around and did as Bilbo had told him. 

Bilbo sat back on his heels, breathing in deeply. The coughing fit that resulted in didn't diminish the relief he felt as he watched his nephew go. 

He got to his feet slowly, swallowing as he was once again becoming aware of his forlorn situation. He took a step forward, but the movement left him staggering. His head suddenly felt too dizzy, he couldn't stay upright. He was surprised he'd lasted that long.

He tried to hold on to something, but there was nothing. Everything was on fire; suddenly he was on his knees again, and he thought he remembered having read once that you had better chances of surviving a fire if you stayed closer to the ground. He almost laughed at that, almost.

Then he stilled.

And with a sudden, sharp,  _painful_  clarity, he knew that he couldn't get out of this. He was trapped inside this house with no way out, and he would die in the fire.

He wasn't familiar with the details, but he had a pretty good idea of what would happen within the next few minutes. His lungs would fail. He would fall unconscious. The flames would take him. He would burn to death.

He would die.

He would never get to spend a lifetime with Thorin. He wouldn't get to tell him that he loved him so much, every day, until he was old and gray and ready to die.

He hadn't said it, he thought, and the sharp realisation struck him hard. When they'd talked on the phone that morning, he hadn't told Thorin that he loved him. He tried to think back, desperately tried to remember when the last time he'd said the words had been. He couldn't. He didn't remember. If the thick air hadn't left him breathless already, that realisation would have done it.

Smoke filled up his lungs as he kneeled on the floor, his eyes watering too much to see anything but blurred shapes. He didn't want to see it anymore. It was on fire, his whole life, everything was on fire, and he couldn't bear to watch it burn away any longer.

The stinging of the smoke in his eyes became too obtrusive, blinking didn't do the trick any longer. Bilbo closed his eyes, hoping it would ease the strain, but deep inside he knew that it was futile. It was all futile.

He hadn't told Thorin that he loved him, more than anyone, more than anything, one last time. He would die without being able to tell him. And Thorin would live without knowing, without truly understanding just how much Bilbo loved him, had always loved him, and would have till the end of his days.

Which seemed to have come a bit sooner than expected. But what was he to do now? It was done, he couldn't get out. He would die in this house.

He would die.

Sudden anger flared up in him at the thought. He wasn't supposed to die like this. Not here, not now. He was supposed to have a lifetime ahead of living, learning, growing,  _being_. Have a lifetime of watching his nephews grow, being with the ones he called family, growing old with the man he loved. A lifetime of telling Thorin how much he loved him.

All gone.

He coughed again, his lungs cramping as they tried to get the toxic smoke out. The heat was getting unbearable now. Bilbo dragged himself away from the flames, jerking and flickering around him in a grotesque dance, as if inviting him to join them.

A flash of panic shook him at the thought. He shuffled backwards until his back hit the wall. He wondered if it would hurt, if he would feel the flames licking the flesh off his bones, first his skin, then the rest until nothing remained but ashes.

_I love you, Thorin. I'm so sorry I didn't get to tell you once more. I love you so much, you must know that._

He thought that he heard the sound of sirens somewhere in the distance, but the noises of the fire were too prominent for him to really tell. They drowned out everything else. Maybe he was hallucinating the sound he wanted so much, was dying to hear. 

If he was, if he really was hallucinating, then he'd make the most of it. His heart stung at the thought.

One last time. He just needed to hear Thorin one last time. 

He focused on his memories of Thorin's voice, evoking the familiar sound in his head with the last bit of concentration he had. He could almost hear it over all the cracking and sizzling noises, saying his name, softly. He closed his eyes, keeping the illusion up with all he had. 

His head throbbed and he felt himself lose consciousness. With a sudden, almost calm certainty, he knew that this was it. Tears fell from his eyes that had nothing to do with the thick air around him. He almost cracked a smile, repeating the sound of Thorin's voice in his head again and again; just his name, spoken with so much affection. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he'd be okay, with this being the last thing on his mind.

Then everything faded to black.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see him again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell him I love him.”

The day he almost lost everything was cruel in its ordinariness.

It was a normal day at the company, the most boring one he'd had in ages. He'd filed documents, held conference calls with their partners, sat through a meeting like any other.

Then his phone rang.

The meeting was just finished when the ringtone sounded. Thorin picked up his phone, glancing at the screen. He frowned when he saw the unknown number. “Hello?”

“Mr. Durin?”

“Speaking. Who's this?”

“I'm calling from _Saint Mary's_. Mr. Durin, I'm sorry to have to inform you that there's been an accident. We need you to come to the hospital as soon as you can...”

Thorin had never understood what people had meant when they said they'd lost their sense of reality after receiving bad news, that everything had stopped working the way it should.

How he wished he'd never had to find out.

It was different from when he'd lost his brother, all those years ago. He didn't feel the same shock now that had gripped him back then. No, now, everything was too sharp; too bright, and yet it blurred at the same time.  
He indistinctly remembered the person on the phone telling him roughly what had happened, why he was being called to the hospital. Two people hurt, one currently in the operating theatre. Status yet unknown. A young boy being looked after. Something about a fire.

Something about a fire.

Bofur was still with him in the meeting room, asking what had happened when he saw Thorin's face. He briefly wondered what he'd seen in it, what his face had looked like in one of the worst moments of his life. It must have been enough for him to realise that something was wrong, that his leaving was vital. He was the one hustling him out the door when Thorin stood frozen in place, assuring him that he'd take care of everything, that he should _go, hurry!_

He didn't remember how he'd gotten to the hospital. He remembered the ticking of every second, pulsing in his head until everything else was drowned out. Every agonising second, sending jolts of sheer panic through his body with every breath, in sync with his throbbing heartbeat.

Heartbeat.

Breath.

Two things he might be granted soon, while his sister would not. Or Bilbo. Or the baby. The mere possibility rendered him speechless.

He thought that maybe, this was what it took to break someone.

He thought that if he would allow himself to think about it, truly think about the consequences, he would shatter, and there was no way for him to ever be repaired again. He thought that if he was to lose his family, he wouldn't want to be.

 

He didn't know how he'd gotten here. A nurse had showed him the way, leading him to a waiting room for the ER. He paced around the room, unable to stand the silence, the waiting, the horrible agony of not knowing that clawed at his chest, threatened to overwhelm him, now that he was unoccupied, left with nothing.

His head jerked up when a doctor approached him, asking for his name.

“Mr. Durin, my name is Dr. Jones", he introduced himself. "Thank you for making it so fast. As you probably know, both your sister and Mr. Baggins had you listed as their emergency contacts.”

“How bad is it?”, Thorin asked, unable to keep the nagging question inside. A moment later he wished he hadn't asked; the fear of the answer scared him more than he could let on.

“We can't say much yet”, the doctor told him. “Mr. Baggins called for the fire brigade about an hour ago. When they arrived along with the paramedics, they found your sister outside, unconscious. The boy, your nephew, was with her. He was scared, but unharmed. When they-”

“Is he alright?”, Thorin interrupted, desperate to know. Though the nurse had already told him on the phone, he  _needed_  to make sure, assure himself of his nephew's wellbeing.

“He's fine”, Dr. Jones confirmed. “He's still being checked through, as a matter of routine. But he's fine. You'll be able to go to him in a bit, he'll be glad to see you.”

Thorin exhaled a shaky breath, nodding gravely. This wasn't something he'd ever wanted his nephew to have to go through. His heart ached at the thought of what the little boy had endured that day. But he was fine, he told himself, as fine as he could be. That was the main thing. He was unharmed. He would be okay.

“I need to be with him as soon as possible.”

“Of course. You could see him right now, but I assume you'll want to stay here until we've got news for you. Which brings me back to it.” The doctor gave him a moment before he resumed the story. “When the paramedics arrived, Mr. Baggins was still inside the house. He was unconscious when the firefighters got in. He couldn't have been exposed to the fire for long, but a few minutes can be enough. He suffered second-degree burns and is currently in surgery.”

Thorin realised only when the doctor steadied him, gently offering him a seat, that he was trembling.

“Will he be fine?”, he croaked, his own voice foreign to his ringing ears.

“He was stable when he got into surgery, but I can't tell you anything about any lasting damages yet. We don't know how long exactly he was exposed to the smoke. With some luck, he will recover completely. But we can't possibly say anything for certain yet. And, of course, the burns. Those he will keep.”

Thorin nodded, swallowing repeatedly. The lump in his throat remained. “Where?”, he asked. The doctor raised his eyebrows. He specified the question. “Where are the burns?”

“On his left leg”, the doctor said. Thorin exhaled. It could have been worse, he told himself. It could have been his face. It could be third degree burns. He could have-

The man cleared his throat, snapping Thorin out of his spinning thoughts. The sick feeling in his stomach remained. “Now”, the doctor said, ”about your sister...”

Thorin stared at the doctor's face, trying to calm his heartbeat. He wanted to claw the sympathetic expression off his face. He wanted to tear at his coat; beg him to shut up, make it stop. He wanted to sink to his knees, give in to the panic ripping his insides, give himself over to the wave of agony threatening to crash over him and pull him under.

The doctor spoke and he swallowed it all down, awaiting his words breathlessly. “As I already said, she wasn't awake when the paramedics arrived at the scene. She was still unconscious, but stable when she got here. When we checked the heart sounds of the fetus, however, it was clear that something was wrong. They weren't in order.”

Thorin blinked at the man, trying to understand what he was saying. “We don't know how long your sister breathed in the smoke, but since it was enough to leave her unconscious, we don't know what effects it had on the fetus.” Thorin clenched his jaw, the endless chain of  _please, please, please_  in his head making it harder to focus on the doctor's words. He didn't even know what he was begging for. “It's vital to get the baby out as soon as possible. The surgeons are currently performing a C-section. We hope to be able to make a prognosis once the baby's delivered.”

Thorin stared blankly as he took the words in.

“We'll inform you as soon as either of them gets out of the operating theatre”, the doctor promised. “In the meantime, I need you to fill out these forms, when you feel up to it.”

Thorin nodded, taking the clipboard in his hands. He regarded his fingers with something close to the curiosity of an outsider. He hadn't noticed he was still trembling.

The doctor gave him a nod before he left him alone, and he was on his own again.

The waiting felt endless. He left Vili a message, hoping he would receive it soon. Then he wandered up and down the room, waiting for the doctor to return. A C-section couldn't take that long, could it? Should it? And surgery on burn wounds? Would they inform him if something had gone wrong? Would he only be told when it was too late?

His thoughts wandered to Fili. He ached to see him, take him in his arms again. But though he _felt_ like he was torn apart, he couldn't actually be at two places at once. He was still just one person, and he couldn't do anything to help, nothing at all. And so he sat in the waiting room for endless mintues, or maybe hours, he couldn't tell, until Dr. Jones appeared again.

He shot up when the doctor approached him. The smile on his face was something Thorin hadn't expected, couldn't grasp. He stared at it blankly. “The C-section is done”, the doctor announced. “The baby is being checked through before it'll be put in the incubator, where we'll monitor it 24/7. You have a nephew, Mr. Durin. Congratulations.”

The dizziness in Thorin's head left him staggering. “Is he alright? Will he make it?”, he croaked. The hoarseness of his voice would have startled him if his mind wasn't completely wrapped around the baby, the baby that was there now. His new nephew.  _Welcome to the world._

“We can't tell yet. He's stable for now, but the first few days are vital. If he catches an infection, he most likely won't make it. But it's our job to do everything in our power to keep that from happening. We'll know more in a while, until then it could go both ways. I'm sorry.” 

Thorin nodded. It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear, but he'd expected it. The words still hit him like he'd been kicked in the guts. He blinked at the wall, a thought crossing his mind. “What day is it?”, he asked soundlessly.

“Thursday, 16th November”, Dr. Jones said. “He was delivered at 8.23pm.”

 _16_ _th_ _November. Happy Birthday, little one,_ he thought.  _May it be the first of many to come._

He swallowed the sour taste in his mouth down, shaking his head a little. “What about Bilbo?”, he asked. His chest contracted in a painful way. He didn't know where to put all this pain and worry. It was too much; he was just one person. “Anything new?”

“They're still performing surgery, but the biggest part is done. It won't take long now.” The doctor smiled at him. “Do you want to see the baby? I can send a nurse to guide you to the incubators. I'll know where you are, as soon as there's any news about Mr. Baggins I will send for you.”

Thorin gave him a grateful nod. “I...” He hesitated, biting his lower lip. “Can I see my sister?”, he asked. The doctor nodded.

“You can. She's still asleep and will be for a while, but she's been transferred to the recovery room. You might want to go to your elder nephew first, though. We're keeping him overnight – just to be sure he's alright, it's routine”, he explained when Thorin tensed. “He'll be given something to sleep soon. If you want to see him before that, you should go now.”

Thorin nodded, struggling to his feet. “I'll see my nephew first, then Dis. Where do I have to go?”

 

He hadn't thought the sight of his nephew's small body in a hospital bed would do him in, but it very nearly did. He let out an involuntary gasp, his heart stuttering painfully in his chest.

He knew that he was fine, physically at least. But this was his nephew, his little sun, looking soft and fragile and too close to having been broken that day and it  _hurt_  him. It hurt him too much to look at the child, to think of what he could have lost if anything had gone differently-

Fili looked up, as if sensing Thorin at the door. His puffy eyes widened at the sight of his uncle.

“Uncle Thorin!”, he slurred, fidgeting under the blanket as if trying to get up.

“No, no, Fili”, a nurse said gently, holding him in place. “You need to rest, remember?” She turned to Thorin, waving him inside. “You're his uncle?” Thorin nodded, swallowing dryly. She got up, leaving him her place. “I just gave him something to help him sleep, he'll be gone in a minute. He's fine, no wounds, we're just keeping him overnight to make sure everything's in order.” Thorin nodded again, lowering himself next to his nephew.

“Hey, Fili”, he mumbled, raising a hand to his face. “How are you feeling?"

Fili looked at him with big eyes, sniffing as he stretched his arms to Thorin in a silent answer. Thorin held him to his chest, closing his eyes. The warmth of his nephew was the most wonderful thing he'd felt all day. "You're okay, I'm here now. You've been such a brave boy. I'm so proud of you.” He let go of his small body as he cupped his face, leaning down to press a kiss to his head. “It's over now. You will be alright, I promise you. I won't let you get hurt again.” He knew he was rambling, making promises he couldn't keep. But the boy was looking at him with such big, watery eyes that the lies fell from his lips easily.

“Where's Mum?”, Fili blinked, struggling to keep his eyes open. “And uncle Bilbo?” Thorin swallowed before managing a smile. 

“They're both here, too. They're just sleeping. And you need to sleep, too. Just close your eyes, Fili.”

He ran his thumb over the blond boy's cheek as his eyes closed, watching his features for a long moment. He pressed another kiss to his hair before he got up, approaching the nurse outside Fili's room. 

“He's asleep”, he told her with a nod to his nephew.

“That's good. He can use it.” She looked into the room before turning to him again. “We have a counsellor that's specialised on children. We can get her in to speak with Fili tomorrow. You might want to consider therapy for him in the long run. An experience like this can be very traumatic. It's important that he processes it in the right way.”

Oh, he knew. How well he knew that.

She couldn't know, hadn't seen the scars on his back, hidden by his clothes. Hadn't seen the scars in his mind, threatening to rip open again that very moment. He took a deep breath, focusing on the woman before him.

Not yet. He couldn't let go just yet.

He nodded at her suggestion, unable to keep his gaze from wandering to his nephew again. His soft features were hidden by blond strands. He was so small. So young.

Thorin returned his eyes to the nurse. “I'll speak with his mother about it when she wakes up. Thank you.”

Then he nodded her goodbye, making his way to the recovery room. The sight of Dis made him stop in his tracks, gasping.

It wasn't that she looked so bad, no. She looked worn out, too pale, but otherwise unharmed. Still, nothing could have prepared him for seeing her in that bed. Because he'd seen her like this before. She'd been younger, the scars on her body had only just been put there. And yet the image was so well-known, so terrifyingly similar that he felt like he was back in 2005, a young boy who'd lost his brother, his home, who knew he'd also lose his father--

It left him breathless, quite literally breathless. And then panic struck him, sudden and hard and so thoroughly that he gasped for air, clawing at his shirt, his collar, his throat-

And there was no one there to comfort him, no one to take this weight from his shoulders, and it was all he could do to stumble to the nearest bathroom and close the door behind him before the waves crashed over him, pulling him underwater.

It felt like hours until he surfaced again.

 

A nurse approached him just as he left the bathroom, wearily running a hand over his face. “Mr. Durin?”

His head shot up. “Yes?”

“Doctor Jones sent me to inform you that Mr. Baggins is out of surgery now. He's been transferred to the recovery room.”

 

God, Thorin swore, he'd never realised how small Bilbo was.

“He's right over there”, the nurse said when he entered the room. He deliberately didn't think about how he'd fled from this very place not long ago. This time he was prepared.    
Thorin nodded, his eyes already fixed on the small figure of his boyfriend. He looked too pale, too still. It was almost unnatural. He swallowed, following the urge to step closer, be near him.

"It'll be another few hours until he wakes up, but you can sit with him for a while if you want to."

Thorin swallowed, nodding. "What about Dis?", he asked.

"She'll sleep for a while, too. It's perfectly normal. There's a habitable room for relatives next door, it has a sofa. I suggest you use it." She shot him an understanding gaze. "We'll inform you as soon as either of them wakes."

"Alright. I just- I'll just sit with him for a moment."

The nurse nodded, leaving him alone as he settled at Bilbo's bedside. Bilbo almost looked like a doll; unmoving, white as the sheet he lay on. Thorin hesitantly took his hand, exhaling a shaky breath when he felt the warmth of his skin. He was still warm, still alive. He'd return to him soon. He just had to wait a little longer.

Thorin gripped his hand tighter, raising it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to each of his knuckles, inhaling the scent of his skin. He didn't smell right, there was disinfectant and something he could only describe as  _hospital smell_ , but it was  _Bilbo,_ he was kissing Bilbo's hand, that was all that mattered. He sat with him for a while longer, leaning his forehead to their intertwined hands, almost as in a silent prayer. 

Eventually he got up, resting Bilbo's hand on the bed again. He left the room with a last look at his sister, making the nurse promise to wake him if anything happened, and retreated to the habitable room.

And there it was back to waiting again. It wasn't like it had been in the waiting room, pacing up and down without knowing anything. It was a different kind of bad; the urgency was gone, all that was left was to wait and see how everything unfolded, slowly, painfully slow.   
Whether Dis would wake up with permanent damages the doctors couldn't determine yet. Whether Bilbo would. Whether his nephew would live to see another day; would get to live at all.  

He took a sharp breath, forcing the raging emotions inside him down. He was spent, utterly spent, and yet he feared to close his eyes, though he knew he had to sleep-

A thought struck him and he sat up, staring at the wall.

There had been a fire. Why had there been a fire? A fire, of all things, on the one night Dis and Fili were at the house?

He took a sharp breath. There wasn't much he could do right now, but there was this. He struggled to his feet, fumbling for his phone as he got up. His fingers didn't tremble anymore. He'd spent all his adrenaline, he'd spent himself, there was nothing left but heavy exhaustion and the smothering weight of waiting crushing him. He dialed the number, breathing deeply as it rang. He wasn't surprised when it was picked up after the first ringing.

“Hello?”

“Bard, it's Thorin. Something's happened.”

 

It was early morning when he opened his eyes. A glance at his phone told him that he'd slept for five hours. Not nearly enough, but as he sat up, stretching his stiff body, he knew he wouldn't fall asleep again. He got up to look after Dis and Bilbo.

When he stepped into the recovery room, he froze. There were two other patients now, and Bilbo- Bilbo was gone. 

Thorin stared at where his bed had been, then turned around frantically in search of a nurse. One of them approached him when he left the room.

"I see you're awake, Mr. Durin. I wanted-"

"Where is he?", he interrupted, his heart in his mouth. "What happened? Why didn't you-"

"He's fine", she cut him off, resting a reassuring hand on his arm." He woke up two hours ago, but he was disoriented and fell back asleep shortly after that. He was transferred to a private room. I'll show you the way, it shouldn't be long until he wakes up for good."

Thorin exhaled, following her in silence, too relieved to say anything. He slipped into the room where Bilbo slept now, settling at his bedside. He was still too motionless, too still. But there was a touch of colour in his cheeks now, promising that he wasn't just a shell. Thorin studied his features, yearning for the moment he would open his eyes, return to him again.

He laced his fingers with Bilbo's as he waited, partly to give himself comfort, partly in childish hope that Bilbo would feel him, would wake up. 

His mind wandered to the conversation he'd had with Bard. He was still trying to wrap his head around everything. But for now, what mattered was right there in front of him. He blinked repeatedly. Exhaustion was clawing at him even after the little sleep he'd gotten, it hadn't nearly been enough. He lowered his head, resting his forehead against his and Bilbo's hands again.

He'd wake up soon. He'd wake up, he'd wake up, he'd wake up...

His eyes shot open when he heard a sound, a soft, fleeting groan. He raised his head, staring at his boyfriend.

Bilbo's face was twisting ever so slightly as he fought through the heavy layers of his sleep. Thorin tightened the grip on his hand, his eyes fixed on the movement on his face like it was the most beautiful spectacle.

He was waking up.

Bilbo's head turned a little to the side. His eyelids fluttered almost comically. Thorin watched as he creased his forehead and then, eventually,  _finally_  cracked his eyes open.   
He blinked at the sudden lightness of the room, his eyes darting around in disorientation. It was a full minute until he'd adjusted to seeing, moving his head slowly as he groaned.

Thorin blinked the irrational tears stinging in his eyes away, squeezing his hand. Only then did Bilbo seem to notice that someone was touching him. He moved his head to the side, blinking at him.

The look on Bilbo's face as his eyes took Thorin in -  _like he'd been in the darkness for days and couldn't believe he was seeing the sun again_  -  was one of the most beautiful things Thorin had ever witnessed, no doubt.

Almost as beautiful as the sound he made afterwards, when he finally opened his mouth. He struggled with the word for a moment until he got it out, raspy and broken, but unmistakable in its meaning.

Almost as beautiful, but not quite.

_“Thorin?”_


	15. Chapter 15

The first thing he saw when he woke up was lightness, so sharp and bright that all he could do was cringe and shut his eyes again. Bilbo had to blink a few times until he'd adjusted to the sight.

He was in a white room – a hospital room, he recognised. He felt strange, very weird. Like he was a little out of his body, or hadn't quite arrived in it yet-

He indistinctly remembered having seen this sight before; a flash of whiteness and then someone standing above him, talking, the sound of machines beeping...

Bilbo groaned, moving his head to the side. The movement was harder than it should have been. His body felt a little too heavy, as though it was being weighed down by an invisible force.

A sudden memory flashed through his mind and his breath halted as everything crashed down on him. The fire, Dis, her still body on the ground, Fili, no air, the unbearable heat,  _Thorin_ -

Someone squeezed his hand firmly. The warm pressure made him snap out of the memories. He turned his head to look at the person who was touching him. Then he stared. And stared.

He'd thought he'd never see Thorin's face again. He remembered it, remembered it all so clearly. Those last few conscious moments in the house, the remorse, the mourning for the life he'd never get to live now-

and yet he was here. And _Thorin_ was here. And he was holding  _his hand,_  was looking at him like he was the most precious thing in this entire world. Which was stupid, because that was what Bilbo was looking at right now-

He blinked repeatedly, half expecting his boyfriend to vanish, disappear into thin air. Maybe he was still hallucinating, was still in that house, or whereever you went when you died-

But he was still there. Thorin was still right there, next to him, holding onto his hand for dear life. Bilbo swallowed, only then realising how dry his throat was. But there was something more important, more urgent than that. It took a moment before his voice obeyed, then he croaked the word out.

“Thorin?”

The man almost seemed to slump at the sound. His shoulders untensed and he slid forwards, closer to Bilbo's body.

“ _Bilbo_ ”, he said, and Bilbo was surprised by how raspy his voice sounded. “My beloved, you- I thought-” He halted, clearly lost for words as he drank Bilbo in. “I thought you were gone. I thought I'd lost you”, he finally croaked out, and he looked so shaken, so horribly  _fragile_ that Bilbo could only blink at him in silence. Thorin gripped his hand with both of his now, pressing them to his lips before he bent down, resting his head on Bilbo's chest.

Bilbo brought his hands to his head, caressing his hair in silence. The movement was so familiar, so  _normal,_  and yet. Touching it, feeling the soft texture beneath his skin as he ran his fingers through the strands, it felt like a wonder.

There was one thing he needed to get out before all else, the most urgent one. He needed to say it, now. Bilbo took his fingers from Thorin's hair, resting a hand on his shoulder to make him look up. He brushed the strands from his forehead as Thorin raised his head, cupping his face with his hands. He drank his blue eyes in for a long moment, just staring and marveling at the fact that he could _look_ at them, could drown in the impossible colour he'd thought he'd never see again. Then he opened his mouth to pronounce the words.

“'love you.” He frowned. That hadn't come out right. He cleared his throat, trying again. “I love you.” He sighed, nodding once. There. Much better. He'd said it, it was out now. He felt like a huge weight was taken off his chest as he slumped back against the pillow.

Thorin watched him with wide eyes before he leaned forward, framing Bilbo's face with his hands.

“I love you, my greatest treasure”, he mumbled, closing his eyes as he pressed his lips against Bilbo's. The touch was so soft, chaste, unlike the wave of emotions Bilbo had felt behind his words. As though Thorin had remembered at the last second that he'd only just woken up, was still in a hospital bed. 

Bilbo brought his hands to Thorin's on his face, covering them in a silent attempt to make him keep going, kiss him just a little longer. The feeling of Thorin's lips on Bilbo's made fireworks explode in his chest. The overwhelming gratitude of being alive, being able to kiss the man he loved  _so much_ , brought tears to his eyes that he didn't care to blink away. All that mattered was the touch of Thorin's mouth on his, his hands on his face, the warm smell he could sense even over the obtrusive disinfectant. 

An involuntary whimper left his lips when Thorin pulled back, still holding his face. The sound made Thorin's mouth twitch. The sight was so beautiful that Bilbo almost forgave him for stopping the kiss. He wondered if he'd feel like this about everything now, after having been so close to losing it. So close to never experiencing all this, everything,  _anything_ , ever again. Touching Thorin, kissing Thorin, sleeping with him-

He blinked, wincing as he tried to swallow.

“Water?”, he croaked and Thorin nodded, reaching for a glass on the bedside table. Bilbo regretted the loss of contact as he did so, but took the water gratefully. It felt heavenly as he gulped it down in one go, holding the glass out for Thorin to refill.

“Easy”, Thorin said as he took it from his hand. “Let your stomach adjust to that for a moment.”

Bilbo sighed, but realised that he was right. His mind wandered to the pestering questions nagging on him. His head still felt somewhat drowsy and he struggled to get them out how he wanted.

“What happened?” He frowned. “After I sent Fili out, I mean? Is he- how did- oh, god, what happened to Dis? Did she make it?”

“They're both fine”, Thorin assured, taking his hand again as he spoke. “Fili's here, but he's unharmed. They just kept him here overnight to make sure he's okay.” 

Bilbo let out a relieved sigh. “And Dis?” He swallowed. “Is she- the baby-”

“She was unconscious when she got here. She was stable, but they checked the heart sounds of the baby and something wasn't right. So they got him out.” Bilbo opened his mouth, but remained silent as no words came out. He blinked at Thorin, who managed a half-smile. “He was born last night at about half past eight. We're uncles again.”

Bilbo covered his mouth with his hand, blinking a few times. “Oh my god- is he, is he okay?” 

Thorin squeezed his hand tightly. The tension in his features told Bilbo enough. He felt as if a heavy weight had settled on his chest again, making it hard to breathe.

“He's fine for now, but they don't know if he'll make it through. The first few days are crucial. If he catches an infection or anything, he'll- he won't make it.”

Bilbo nodded, swallowing as he let the words sink in. “Did you see him yet?”, he whispered, seeking comfort in his touch.

“No”, Thorin said. “I-” He frowned, searching for the right words. “The doctor offered to take me to him, but- it didn't feel right. For me to see him before Dis did, I mean. If I could have held him, or touched him, I would have gone. I would have tried to let him know that we're here. But we're not allowed to, not yet. I could only have seen him from behind a window.” 

Bilbo nodded again, running his thumb over Thorin's hand. He didn't say what he was thinking. That he understood, but that he should go and see him anyway, as soon as he could. That Bilbo had to, too. He was sure that Thorin knew that himself. Because if the baby really wouldn't make it, if all he'd get were those few days in the hospital - they needed to see him. They'd never forgive themselves if they hadn't seen him while he was still-

He shook the thoughts off before the wave of paralysing fear could crash over him. “And Dis?", he asked. "Is she okay now?”

“She was still asleep last time I checked. But she should wake up soon.”

Bilbo exhaled deeply. “Okay.” Then he hadn't failed, he thought. He hadn't failed her. Unless the baby didn't make it. If his little nephew died, before he'd get the chance to-  
But he couldn't think about that now. Not yet.

Thorin was silent for a moment before he stated: “You didn't ask about yourself.”

“Well, I'm quite obviously alive and well, so I guess I'm fine”, Bilbo remarked. Thorin blinked at him, his brows furrowed. He frowned. “What?"

“Bilbo, you- the fire got to you before the firefighters could get you out. You were burned, my beloved. Your left leg was burned.”

Bilbo lifted his blanket, staring at his leg. There, from his ankle to a little above his knee, was a tight bandage. He blinked at the sight.

“Oh.”

The weirdest thing wasn't that it was there, it was that he hadn't felt it, he thought. He hadn't realised that half his leg was burned.

He supposed that there were pain killers in his drip, but it still felt strange that there was- nothing. Just nothing. As though it didn't belong to him. But it would, from now on. This was something he would keep, for the rest of his life.

“Well”, he said as he dropped the blanket again, managing a weak smile. “Now we match, I suppose.”

Thorin exhaled deeply, taking his hand without a word.

“I see you're up and running, too.”

Both their heads shot up at the sound of that voice. Dis was standing in the doorway, paler than she'd ever looked before, but on her feet.

“Dis!”, they exclaimed at the same time. Thorin shot up from his seat. “You-  _should you be out of bed?_ ”

She waved the question aside, stepping into the room. “They just checked me through, I'm okay.” 

Thorin met her halfway, pulling her to his chest as he burried his face in her neck. Bilbo felt his eyes stinging as he watched them cling to each other, whispering something into each other's ear as they held on. It was Dis who parted from her brother eventually, pressing a kiss to his forehead before stepping away. She was obviously unhappy to do so, but turned her focus to Bilbo now. She walked over to him, swallowing as she settled down on his bed.

“Bilbo, I-”

“Come here”, he breathed out, shaking his head. He pulled her close as she clutched at him, gripping her so tightly it almost hurt. But she held onto him the same way, so he didn't even think of letting go. He inhaled her scent, the fear of losing her finally falling from him as he held her in his arms. He closed his eyes as she started to speak.

“Thank you”, she whispered, her voice breaking on the second word. “Thank you so much for my sons. Both of them. Thank you for my life.” She dug her fingers deeper into his back. “Thank you for  _you_. When I woke up earlier, I thought you'd died in there. I thought you'd-”

“Shhh”, Bilbo hushed her, running his hand over her back. “It's fine, I'm okay. We're all okay, you and Fili and me. And your baby will be okay, too. You said he's a strong one, didn't you? He'll get through this. We'll all be okay.”

She nodded, sniffing once before drawing back. “There, there”, she smiled, wiping his wet cheeks with her thumb. “You'd better believe it, too.” 

She looked at Thorin, grabbing his hand. She held on to both of them as she spoke again. “I went to see Kili as soon as they finished checking me through”, she said. Her smile twitched, the only sign of the tension she was under. “He's beautiful”, she breathed out. “He's so small, but he has dark hair and he's all pink, and he opened his eyes when I looked at him through that window. He's so beautiful.” She blinked a few times, looking up at their faces. “The doctor said that if everything goes right, we'll be able to touch him in a few days. You  _need_  to see him.” She chuckled, shooting her brother a look. “And his nose, my dear brother, is perfectly fine. No huge beak like you have.”

Thorin raised his eyebrows. “For now”, he remarked. Then he smiled. “'Kili', hm?”

Dis smiled, nodding. “We like the sound of it”, she shrugged.

“Fili will be thrilled that he's almost called like his baby brother.”

She grinned, her eyes turning soft. “He will”, she nodded. “I went to see him too, just before I came here. He'd just woken up.” Her eyes wandered to Bilbo again. He squeezed her hand in silent comfort, understanding exactly what that look meant. “A counsellor will speak with him in a bit.” She exhaled deeply. “Then he can go home with you”, she said, looking at Thorin now. A half-smile played on her lips. “He's okay. He's fine.”

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. They looked up to see the doctor entering the room. “Good morning”, he smiled. “I see you're awake, Mr. Baggins. How do you feel?”

Dis stood up, squeezing Bilbo's hand one last time before he could answer. “I'll leave you to it. I'll come back later.” She nudged Thorin's shoulder. “Come, I want to introduce your nephew to you.” She looked at Bilbo. “You too, as soon as you can get out of bed.”

“Of course”, he nodded, smiling. “Go”, he then said, “I'll be occupied with my doctor here for a while.”

Thorin was obviously reluctant to leave his side, but Dis held her hand out to him, and he took it with a sigh. “I'll be back soon”, he promised. Bilbo nodded, waving him out of the room.

When he returned Bilbo was long done with being checked through. The doctor had told him about the surgery and run several tests. He seemed to be fine, save for the wound. He'd informed him that the police would drop by later to take his evidence. Bilbo had lit up when the doctor'd said at the end that he could go home in about five days. 

Dis wasn't with Thorin when he returned. But someone else was.

“Bard?”, Bilbo asked in surprise. He sat up when he saw the man entering the room after Thorin.

Bard smiled, settling next to him. “Hey, Bilbo.” His eyes wandered over his body in the hospital bed. A pained expression flickered over his face. “God, Bilbo. I am so sorry.”

“Don't be”, Bilbo smiled. “ _You_ didn't set the house on fire. And it was only because of you that I got there in due time. I have to thank you, really.” 

Bard waved his words aside, shaking his head. “I should have seen the connection sooner”, he said. “I could have prevented this if-”

“Hey, stop that”, Bilbo interrupted, putting a hand over his. “Don't beat yourself up over this. I mean it. Without you, Dis and both our nephews would most likely be dead now. We owe you so much. So much more than you can imagine.”

Bard sighed, but nodded once. “If you say so. The good news is”, he paused to grab a file from his bag, “that I found even more proof of Smaug and de Filer being connected since we talked yesterday. This file has everything we know about Thrain, de Filer and Smaug, and Smaug in general. It's quite a lot”, he remarked, a half-smile playing on his lips. “I suppose the police will take your evidence later today?” Bilbo nodded. “Good. I'll stay, if that's okay. Then we can hand this over. I'm sure they can make good use of it.”

Bilbo nodded, breathing out. He hadn't let the thoughts get to him until now, but that file made him realise just how relieved he felt at the thought of having both Azog de Filer and Smaug behind bars. Locked up where they couldn't hurt him anymore, or the people he loved, or anyone.

“Good”, he sighed out. “That's good.”

Maybe this affair would finally have an end, now. Maybe the past could rest, the present could become past, and they could start looking ahead. If their nephew - Kili - made it, they could all start healing. Thorin next to him squeezed his hand and he closed his eyes, cherishing the touch.

Looking ahead. That was what they had to do.


	16. Chapter 16

Bilbo had seen a lot of babies in his time. It came with having a big family; there was always a cousin who was either expecting or just had a child. He remembered Fili, just an hour old as he saw him for the first time, holding onto Bilbo's finger as he cradled his body in his arms. He'd been so small, his limbs the tiniest Bilbo had ever seen as he'd caressed them in wonder.

He remembered his baby cousins, incredibly small when he met them for the first time. He'd always wondered how babies could live, how they could grow and become what they would be, when they started out so _small._

He'd never seen a baby as small as Kili.

The window was cold against his fingertips. The others were standing beside him, regarding the newborn in still awe. Dis was leaning against the glass, her hand raised to the pane in silent yearning, the wish to touch. Fili was looking at his brother from Thorin's arms, while Bilbo leaned on a crutch beside them. It felt so wrong to be so close to Kili, and yet so far. Seperated only by thin glass and the lingering sense of fear, of losing him before they'd ever get to know him. But still unable to touch. It wasn't right.

It was Fili who broke the somewhat stunned silence, frowning as he posed the question.

“Why is he so  _red_?”

“That's normal.” Thorin glanced at the boy, chuckling about his obvious disbelief. “You looked like that too, once.”

Fili wrinkled his nose, turning his eyes to his brother again. “It's weird. He doesn't even look like a person." He paused for a moment, almost seeming considerate. "He's ugly.”

Thorin snorted, the sound earning him a slap over the head from his sister.

“Well, don't dwell on it. It'll wear off.” Bilbo smiled, glancing at his nephew. “When you see him properly, you'll see that he's a real person. And if he turns out half as pretty as you are, he'll be lucky.” He winked at Fili, who'd started giggling. The sound brought a smile to their faces. They could all use it.

“Why can't we touch him?” Bilbo repressed a sigh. Fili was too young, he didn't understand why his brother had to stay behind that pane for the time being. Dis had tried to explain, but that didn't stop him from asking.

“We told you, he's very frail right now”, Thorin explained before anyone else could. “He needs to stay there so he can become stronger and grow properly. It's very important that he doesn't get sick until then, so we can't see him just yet.”

Dis averted her eyes from Fili at those words, looking at her other son again. Bilbo hoped that the day the frown left her face for good would come soon. He couldn't stand it anymore. 

He returned his eyes to the small body as well. Kili stirred under the eyes of his family, who were watching him yearningly. He turned his head, blinking a few times until his face stilled again. His face, of which they didn't know what it felt like. 

Soon they could meet him properly, Bilbo thought. One more day, the doctor had said. Just one more day, then they'd be able to hold him at last. If his state remained stable. He threw one last look at the baby, then turned his back.

“I've got to sit down”, he mumbled, trying not to grit his teeth. “Get back to my room. It's, ah, getting a little painful.” He managed a half-smile when Thorin's eyes met his, the concern obvious in his gaze.

“We'll walk you”, he said, setting Fili down. He turned to his sister. “Are you staying?”

She blinked at the window, not turning to look at him. “Yeah, just a moment”, she mumbled. Thorin nodded. He left her to it as he stepped to Bilbo's side, helping him back to the room. Bilbo huffed, but didn't say anything. He knew that it comforted Thorin, to feel like he could do something for him. He wasn't about to take that from him. Not when it finally took the deep frown from his face, the one that had made a home there within the few hours he'd been separated from him.

 

They were reducing his medication, which was probably a good sign. Bilbo knew this because his leg, where he'd felt nothing when he'd first woken up, was starting to pain him more and more with each passing hour.

He also knew because of the nightmare that had woken him that morning, leaving him gasping and panting for air until he'd found his way back into reality. The remains of the narcotics from his surgery were wearing off, leaving room for the dreams to start creeping in. He lay in his bed for a while after he'd calmed down, staring at the ceiling.

He'd wondered if this would happen. It wasn't like he was a stranger to post-traumatic stress. And he supposed, all things considered, that he was lucky if nightmares were all he'd get.

But he couldn't know that. And the images from that dream were still too vivid for him to shake completely. And his heart was still pounding in his chest, so hard he could feel it in every part of his body.

He swallowed, turning to his side. He'd slept on his left side, before the fire, but the burn on his leg made that impossible now. He exhaled through his mouth, ignoring the way the wound had started throbbing when he'd thought of it. 

He didn't want it to get worse. He didn't want to face whatever his mind had in store for him after seeing what he'd seen.

Maybe Fili wasn't the only one who should talk to someone, he thought.

 

The worst thing about being in hospital, apart from the horrible grub they sold as food, was the boredom, Bilbo realised soon. It hadn't been three days and he felt like he was about to go mad. Thorin dropped by whenever he could, but he still had a business to run, and someone had to look after Fili.

Bilbo felt so restless that it almost made him nervous. It had been a relief when he'd gotten up for the first time, walking with crutches and gritted teeth, but walking. But the excitement had worn off when he realised that pacing around the room still wasn't an option. And so he was back to fidgeting.  
It only got worse when Dis was sent home. Still, he was more than relieved that she'd recovered so soon. And she was with him at the hospital for the better part of his remaining days, anyway. She went to see Kili whenever she could.

They still couldn't touch him. There'd been a fluctuation in Kili's records, a deviation of his vital signs or something of the like. Bilbo didn't understand what it meant, or why it had happened. It was nothing too worrying, according to the doctor, but it would be safer to keep him away from any germs for another day or two. Especially with a child around them. It had sounded like Fili was a walking germ distributor.  
Bilbo knew it drove Dis insane. He saw it in her eyes when she spoke to him, in her posture when she sat at his bedside. He found it frustrating, too. To think that some nurse was touching Kili, holding him while his own mother, his family, hadn't had the chance to yet-

He exhaled deeply, knowing that there was a reason to all that, that it was the best for Kili. The best for his chances to survive this. It frustrated him nonetheless.

With Dis gone, his hours turned even more bleak and restless. He had no one to keep him company once she was back home. He couldn't stand in front of the window to the incubators all day, his leg wasn't playing along there. He didn't want to keep thinking about what had happened, but it was where his mind took him when he wasn't occupied. And he wasn't, a lot of the time.

The police had informed them a day after taking his evidence that Azog de Filer had fled the country. He'd been gone before they could question him, leaving no clues behind. Bilbo had felt the urge to throw up at that, just barely holding himself together before Thorin had taken his hand, squeezing his hand in silent support. They'd be okay, they'd get through this. Together.   
Then the officer had said something Bilbo hadn't expected. They hadn't found Azog de Filer yet, but they'd caught his son trying to get on a plane to Russia. He'd been taken in for questioning.

Bilbo hadn't known Azog de Filer had a son. He'd gone pale when he'd been shown a photo of Bolg de Filer. Thorin had watched him in silence, the worry evident in his features. Bilbo had swallowed before opening his mouth, saying out loud what he'd only just realised.

That this man was the one who'd been watching him. He was sure of it, the longer he'd looked at the photo the more he'd known for certain. He'd only seen his face once, back at Erebor, but he knew that it was him. And when he'd realised what that meant, that they had one of them, one who could lead them to his father, and ultimately to Smaug, he'd smiled.

 

The day before Bilbo could go home was the day they were allowed to touch Kili for the first time. It was one of these moments he would never forget, couldn't if he tried, he was sure of it. Dis was the first to hold him. Kili looked too small in her arms, too fragile to be real. He opened his eyes, blinking without seeing when she brought a finger to his cheek, caressing his skin softly. He looked like he'd always belonged there.

Dis didn't hide the tears welling up in her eyes as she cradled her son.

“Kili”, she whispered, a smile spreading on her face as she tasted the word in her mouth, called him by his name for the first time. “Hello, beautiful.” She lowered her lips to his forehead, inhaling deeply before placing the softest of kisses there. “Kili”, she said again, murmuring against his skin. “My Kili.” She didn't seem able to say more. It was enough, she didn't have to.  
She blinked a few times, then looked up as though she'd remembered that she wasn't alone. “Fili”, she said softly, gesturing him to her side. Fili stepped closer, brimming with anticipation. She smiled at him, running a hand over his cheek. “Darling, this is Kili. Say hello to your brother.” 

Fili blinked at the baby in silence. His gaze darted to his mother before he raised his hand, touching Kili's little fingers. He gasped when the baby gripped his finger, not letting go. He stared at him for a moment before he raised his other hand, touching his face. 

“Hello, Kili”, he said, blinking at his little brother in awe. His eyes were fixed on him when he determined: "He's not that ugly up close."

Bilbo smiled, feeling the vibrations of Thorin's chuckles going through his body. Fili stared as his brother stirred, blinking his eyes open. His eyes appeared to focus on the older boy, and then he seemed to  _smile,_ a crowing sound leaving his mouth as he did so. If Bilbo hadn't known better, he'd say he'd sounded delighted. 

Fili seemed to think the same thing, as his eyes went wide at the sound. He straightened, suddenly seeming taller as he beamed with joy at his brother. Kili was still blinking up at him. They seemed to be completely focused on each other. As expected, Fili only had eyes for his little brother. But Kili seemed to be quite smitten by his brother too. Bilbo figured it was a good start.

He watched the scene in silence, his back leaned against Thorin's torso. He had his arm around him, humming softly. Bilbo brought his hand to Thorin's, squeezing tightly. He felt a kiss being pressed behind his ear. The smile on his face grew even bigger.

“You two over there”, Dis said, raising her eyebrows. “Quit hovering at the wall. Come closer and meet your nephew, won't you? He's waited long enough. And you have, too.”

“Finally”, Thorin breathed out, crossing the room in a heartbeat. Bilbo followed on one crutch, smiling as Dis put Kili into Thorin's arms. He looked even smaller there.   
He looked like he belonged, too. And he did. He was part of this family, he was so loved. And he'd live to see and feel that, he would. Bilbo smiled and settled next to Thorin. It was time to say hello to his little nephew, too.

 

And the next day, Bilbo was sent home. It had been five days since he'd gotten here. Rationally, he knew that it was only a short while. But as he let his eyes wander through the room one last time, it felt like ages. 

His things had been packed in no time after the doctor had told him he could go. He was ready to leave even before Thorin had made his way to the hospital to pick him up.

He was now standing in the doorway, holding out his hand for Bilbo to take.

Bilbo turned his back on the room, facing the door. Thorin was ready to go, just waiting for him. Bilbo's bag was over Thorin's shoulder and his crutches were propped at the door. Bilbo took Thorin's hand in his, and he smiled as he felt his warmth, and he went home, finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small fun fact: Kili seeing Fili for the first time and smiling is actually based on what happened when I was a newborn and saw my sister for the first time. Yeah, it really happens!


	17. Chapter 17

He didn't realise he was having a nightmare until Thorin's voice cut through to him, lifting him from the heavy layers of sleep that kept him in the memory. 

It was a memory, and it wasn't. He knew he'd been in that house, choking on the thick plumes as he tried to get to Dis, to Fili. He knew, because he couldn't forget. He could never forget that.   
But what happened then was different. He'd gotten them out. He had, hadn't he? But why were they still in this house, if he'd gotten them out? Why were their burnt bodies the only thing he saw, the only thing he knew he'd find once he'd reach them? What was Thorin doing in that house, why was he there when Bilbo remembered the agony of never being able to see him again so clearly? Why was the fire still licking the flesh off his bones? Why was he feeling it, why was it hurting  _so much_  when he hadn't felt it before-

“Bilbo!”, the voice sounded again, and this time it was enough to rip him from the dream. He awoke with a start, the feeling of thick smoke still lingering in his throat.

“It's okay”, he heard Thorin's soothing voice. He clung to the sound as his gaze darted around until his eyes adjusted to the dark, focusing on Thorin's. His tone didn't match his expression. He looked worried, startled. Bilbo felt a pang of guilt at the sight of his features. He raised his hands, gripping Thorin's face tightly to make sure he was there. Assure himself that this was reality. A sigh escaped his lips when he finally let go, assured of what he saw before him. It sounded more like a whimper.

Thorin drew him closer at the sound, pulling him to his chest until he was safely tucked into his embrace. His hand, running up and down Bilbo's back, gave Bilbo something to focus on as he pressed himself against his partner.

“The fire?”, Thorin asked quietly. Bilbo could hardly make out the words over the sound of his heartbeat rustling in his ears. He nodded, tightening his grip around Thorin's upper body. Focusing on the rhythm of Thorin's breaths, he counted down in his mind. Each breath he drew another number. The heaving of his chest, even the sound of his breaths alone calmed him, as it always had. It was all he needed to hear. The sound that, to him, had always meant safety and home and assurance, right from the start.

“I'm okay”, he mumbled after a while. But Thorin didn't loosen his tight embrace, and neither did he. “It was just a dream. It's over now.”

“Yes”, Thorin said. “And if it comes back, I'm here. Those dreams can't hurt you. We'll fight them together, like we always do. ”

Bilbo nodded, pressing his nose to Thorin's neck. He absorbed his scent as he inhaled deeply, trying to replace the smell of the smoke that still filled his nose with Thorin. Thorin ran a hand through Bilbo's curls, pressing a kiss to the top of his hair as he did so.

“I'm sorry”, Bilbo mumbled. “I didn't mean to wake you.”

“Oh, save it”, Thorin muttered. Bilbo could almost feel the roll of his eyes. It almost made him chuckle. “How many times have I woken you, hm? How many times have you gotten me through a dream, or an episode?” He sighed. “This is nothing, compared to that. Don't you ever apologise for this.” Silence took over for a while. Bilbo resorted to listening to his breathing again. “I've never seen you have a nightmare, before this”, Thorin whispered to his hair. “I never appreciated that enough.”

“Yes”, Bilbo breathed out. He focused on calming his chest, which was still heaving more than it should. Less so now, tightly held in Thorin's protective embrace, but still. “I didn't, either.”

 

“How did your appointment go?”

“It went really well.” Bilbo sat at Dis' table, taking the cup of tea she'd poured him with a grateful smile. “I feel very comfortable with that therapist, I think she can help me a great deal with the nightmares. I'll stay with her, for the time being. How was yours?”

“Pretty good, too.” Dis sat down opposite him, closing her hands around her own cup. “Fili likes her a lot. He didn't shut up about her the whole way home. I think we're gonna stay with her, too.”

“That's great.” A smile unfolded on Bilbo's face. “Then he can finally start processing what happened properly. He shouldn't carry this around with him.” He took a sip. “And we shouldn't, either.” He checked the time, frowning. “Where's Thorin? Didn't he want to go and see Kili, too?”

Dis nodded, pointing at the ceiling. “He's upstairs, talking on the phone.”

“To whom?”

“The police”, Thorin answered, entering the room that moment. He pressed a kiss to Bilbo's hair before sitting down. “You know how Bolg de Filer gave in when they questioned him? They found his father in Russia, where he told them he'd be. He's been taken in for questioning, too. Now guess which name already fell.”

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “Smaug? They blew the whistle on him already?” Thorin nodded.

“Azog seems to think he'll get a better deal for himself that way. Bolg's just scared. The police is going after Smaug now. Azog de Filer had some interesting things to reveal. Things even Bard didn't find out, apparently.”

“That's... really great news”, Bilbo breathed out. His chest suddenly felt a lot lighter, like a weight was gone he had forgotten was still there. “I didn't dare to hope it would go quite like this, if I'm being honest.”

“I didn't, either”, Thorin replied. His hand found Bilbo's, closing around it as he ran his thumb over his skin. “We can stop worrying now”, he said. “There is no way Smaug will get away with all this anymore. Not when they got Azog de Filer to spill his secrets. But", he quirked an eyebrow, "enough of that. How was your appointment? Are you getting along with that therapist so far?” 

Dis got up before Bilbo could answer. “I'll just get Fili ready while you two talk”, she said over her shoulder. “Then we can leave for the hospital in a bit.”

 

“Will you  _stop_   _fussing?_ ”, Bilbo exclaimed, tempted to throw his hands up if it weren't for the crutch he was leaning on.

“Will  _you_  stop putting a strain on your leg when the wound hasn't even healed properly yet?”

Bilbo closed his eyes in exasperation, swallowing down any biting remarks. “Thorin, the doctor told me it's okay to do it, so there is  _no reason_  not to do it. I  _can_  walk, and in God's name, I  _will_ , whether you have a fit about it or not.”

“Well, we already  _are_  on our way to the hospital, so go ahead and overstrain yourself“, Thorin snapped. Bilbo exhaled deeply. Despite his words, the hand on Bilbo's back was nothing but gentle, betraying the harshness of his voice. 

Bilbo knew the reason he acted this way. He was worried, of course. He worried all the time about Bilbo. That was just Thorin. But Bilbo could do without his constant fussing, reminding him of his wound even when he'd just managed to forget about it.

He put a hand on Thorin's wrist, waiting until his eyes had found his.

“I'm not going to”, he said, softer now. “I know you worry about this and I know that, for whatever reason, you think I'm a reckless pain junkie who's out for even more damage on my leg than I already have.” He slipped his hand down, closing his fingers around Thorin's. He smiled when they twitched, returning the gentle touch. “But I'm not. And I won't overstrain myself. I know my limits. You're just gonna have to trust me on that.”

Thorin sighed. His shoulders sagged as he nodded, blinking at Bilbo almost sheepishly. He pulled him closer with the hand on his back, meeting him halfway for a kiss.

“I know. I do trust you, you know that. Just not your judgement of how much exactly you can put yourself through.”

“Well, you're gonna have to learn to”, Bilbo said back. “Because mine is the only judgement on that matter you will get.”

He stretched up, catching Thorin's lips in another kiss to forestall any other comments. The warmth of his mouth spread on his lips, filling him up. This, he thought, was much better than bickering. But he supposed that that was part of healing, too. Learning to deal with what happened, with the consequences. Something all of them had to do.

Thorin raised his eyebrows when Bilbo deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue inside his mouth, but let it happen willingly. Bilbo brought up the hand that wasn't occupied with his crutch, cupping his face. Thorin sighed into his mouth when he ran his thumb over his cheek, starting to nibble on his lip. Bilbo groaned, his hand wandering into Thorin's hair without breaking the touch of their lips once.

“Are you two coming down or do I have to go up there and get you?”

They broke apart when they heard Dis calling from downstairs, but not without a last quick peck to their lips.

“Coming?”, Thorin asked, placing his hand on Bilbo's back again. He smiled.

“Coming.”

 

Eventually, Thorin learned to hold back his worries, and Bilbo learned to walk alone again. Still, he was stuck at home, certified unfit for work for much longer than he found strictly necessary.

The only good thing about that was that he finally found the time to write. When he wasn't working on his own story, Ori dropped by to work on their project.

Bilbo wasn't particulary surprised when one of those times, Dwalin came along.

That night turned out funnier than Bilbo had thought it would. Thorin and he were sitting at one side of the table, watching their guests expectantly. On the other side, Ori and Dwalin were seated next to each other. Ori kept glancing at the man beside him with a grin so fond he might as well have worn a shirt saying “object of my affection”, with an arrow pointing at Dwalin.  
Thorin, on the other side, was watching Dwalin as well, but with a slightly different expression. His arms were crossed in front of his chest as he stared at his cousin, his eyes narrowed. He didn't tap his foot, but he might as well have. The effect was the same. Bilbo bit his lip, keeping himself from laughing as his gaze darted between the three of them before settling on Dwalin. He wondered how long they would be able to keep it up until one of them finally spilled the beans.

Dwalin, on the other hand, seemed to be highly uncomfortable at the receiving end of every single gaze in the room. He stared holes into the table, refusing to look up until Ori casually slipped his hand into his. The gesture made him flush and then he straightened,  _finally_  spluttering what they already knew. Thorin sat back, shaking his head.

“You're a fucking idiot.” Dwalin looked up, blinking at Thorin. He quirked his eyebrows. “You honestly think we didn't know? If Bilbo and I were obvious back at Erebor, then you two were basically shoving it in everyone's faces.” He stood up, resting a hand on Dwalin's shoulder. “Good on you, though. About time you met someone.” He left for the kitchen, leaving a baffled Dwalin behind. Ori grinned at the sight of his boyfriend and Bilbo giggled, unable to repress it any longer.

Those meetings became a regular thing. The writing soothed him. It helped him take his mind off things, as did the company of his friends. His therapist nodded approvingly when he told her about it, calling it “important progress” in his recovery process. And after a while, Bilbo actually felt it to be true. That he was actually making progress. That he wasn't just healing, but already healed, in a way. His wound closed. The nightmares became less frequent. The memories of the fire didn't pester him every hour of every day anymore.

He wasn't there yet, but he was well on his way.

 

The days passed and turned into weeks. And then, a few days before Christmas, Kili came home. He'd grown during the time in the incubator, not looking so tiny anymore when he was cradled in Dis' arms. She held him upright to her chest as she carried him around the flat for the first time, introducing him to their home. Kili stared at everything with big eyes, blinking and wriggling when something caught his attention. He seemed particulary fascinated by the tree in the living room, decorated with shiny things and pretty ornaments.

“Ah, Christmas”, Thorin remarked as he followed his nephew's gaze. His eyes shifted to Bilbo. “The time of pine trees.”

Bilbo groaned, throwing a pillow at his head to the sound of Dis' roaring laughter. Of course Thorin had told her the story years ago. Of course he had. There wasn't a Christmas that went by at which Bilbo could escape being reminded of that particular incident.

Kili stirred at the sound, turning his head to his mother with wide eyes before cooing, moving his hands around in excitement.

“How delightful”, Bilbo muttered, shaking his head. “He's already on your side. What did I do to deserve this family?”

“You love us”, Dis said, pecking his cheek perkily.

“Yeah”, Bilbo sighed. Then his eyes wandered over each of them, a smile playing on his lips. His family, together and whole as it should be. “Yeah, I do.”

 

It was one afternoon when Bilbo was resting on the sofa, his legs propped beside him and a sleeping Kili on his chest; with Thorin on the other sofa, Fili on his lap, that he realised that they'd made it through. Somehow, in some way, they'd moved on from the impossible, and they'd made it through.

It wasn't that it had been so easy that he hadn't realised it. No, every one of his nightmares was still a battle, every flashback Dis suffered an obstacle, every touch of his nephews still a miracle.  
But it wasn't as hard as it used to be anymore. The memories slid into the background, rather than dominating their every thought. The wounds healed. Kili grew stronger every day, finally catching up with the height and weight he should have. 

His nephew stirred on Bilbo's chest, his face twisting as he woke up. Bilbo watched him for a while, running a finger over his little cheek until he glanced over his shoulder, catching Thorin's eyes.  
“Switch?”, he asked, tilting his head. Thorin nodded, lifting Fili from his lap as he walked over. The boy wriggled his legs in excitement. Bilbo cradled Kili in his arms, handing his warm little body over to Thorin as Fili settled on his lap.

“Shall I read to you?”, Bilbo asked, pushing his fingers through Fili's light hair. The boy nodded, handing the book he carried over before leaning back against his uncle. Bilbo hummed, opening the book.

Yes, they'd made it through, and they'd come out at the better end of it. And now they had so much ahead of them, so many great and beautiful and wonderful things that were yet to come. Almost as wonderful as the little wonders they held in their arms that moment, he thought with a smile. Almost.


	18. Epilogue

_\- 6 months later -_

“I want some, too!”

Bilbo cracked his eyes open. He blinked against the dazzling sunlight as he took his nephew in with a smile. He'd felt Fili's eyes on him ever since Thorin had started braiding Bilbo's hair, knowing exactly what he was about to ask. This had become a habit by now. Thorin started playing around with Bilbo's curls, Fili watched for a moment, then he demanded the same treatment for his hair.

“You want some, what?”, Thorin asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I want some braids too,  _please._ ”

Fili blinked up at his uncle sheepishly. Thorin nodded, taking his hand from Bilbo's hair to rest it on his shoulder. He lingered there for a moment, drawing out the touch as he squeezed softly.

“Our nephew demands my attention”, he mumbled into his ear. His breath tickled the sensitive skin, sending shivers down Bilbo's spine. “I think you have to give way to him.” He smiled when Thorin placed a kiss at the spot where his words had tickled just a moment ago, evoking a whole other sensation. He nodded.

“I know, I know. I'm leaving already.” He wriggled away from his spot between Thorin's legs, settling next to Dis instead. “That's my favourite spot”, Bilbo sighed, watching his nephew take his place. Dis snorted. 

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Bilbo raised his eyebrows, giving her a look. 

“You're lucky you have a baby on your lap”, he said, shaking his head. “In front of the children, really.”

Now it was Thorin's turn to snort. “I think the children are quite alright”, he said with a glance at Fili. The boy sat still as his uncle ran his fingers through his hair, braiding with a quickness that came from having done these movements a hundred times. He regarded his brother curiously as he waited.

"Uncle Thorin?"

"Hm?"

“Can we put braids in Kili's hair too?”

Bilbo threw his head back and laughed. Kili's gaze shot up at the sudden outburst. He looked at his uncle with wide eyes, then grinned as he started to wriggle about excitedly. Bilbo leaned down to him, taking his little hands in his.

“Is that funny?”, he asked, grinning when Kili started babbling in excitement. “Are you laughing with me, darling?”

He nudged Kili's little nose, then bent down to place a peck there. When he looked up, he saw Thorin biting his lip in an attempt not to laugh. Their older nephew was still looking excited about the idea, not yet having caught on. 

“No, Fili”, he said, “I'm afraid we can't.”

The boy frowned. “Why not?”

“Well, he hardly has any hair to begin with, so I don't know where exactly you'd want to put the braids. And then I don't think he'd look quite as fetching with them as you do, if I'm honest.”

Fili seemed to consider that for a moment, then he slumped back with a sigh.

"In a few years, maybe", Thorin consoled him. "You'll make a good pair, then." He smirked as he glanced at his younger nephew, then focused on finishing the small braids before him. Fili's hair was still too short to be braided properly, but he did the best he could. Fili didn't seem to mind, being content as long as Thorin did something with his hair.

“I'm done", he announced a moment later, looking at his work. "Turn around”, he instructed. Fili obeyed, jumping up and down when Thorin looked him over with an approving smile. “Very handsome”, he commented. He glanced at Bilbo, who still had the braids in his messy curls, too. A smile played on his lips as he added: “Almost as handsome as your uncle.” Bilbo caught his eyes, giving him an unimpressed look.

“Oh, really.” He turned his eyes to Fili, quirking an eyebrow. “Don't listen to your uncle, darling. He's not very reliable when it comes to that matter. You're just as handsome as I am, if not more.” Fili giggled. He palpated his hair, then jumped up to return to his mother, showing off his braids.

Bilbo was about to retake his place when his phone started ringing. Thorin's eyes snapped up at the sound. Bilbo straightened, checking the display. He swallowed when he saw the name.

“It's Bard.” He hesitated for a brief moment, catching Thorin's gaze.

Today was the day that Smaug's sentence was passed. He knew that there was no way he'd be discharged, but the uncertainty of not knowing yet still worried him. He'd been able to push it to the back of his mind, out here with his family. But now that Bard was calling him, most likely to tell him the news, the unpleasant feeling found its way back. Thorin nodded once and Bilbo took a deep breath, answering his phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Bilbo”, Bard said. His voice wasn't too serious, which Bilbo took as a good sign. He almost sounded cheerful.

“Please tell me you have good news”, Bilbo breathed out.

“I do, actually. You don't have to sound so worried any longer, everything went well.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that some of the crimes he committed were barred, as expected, but others weren't. And there were enough others. He's been sentenced to serve at least thirty years in jail.” Bard paused, giving him a moment to process the news. Bilbo blinked, opening his mouth as he let his words sink in.

“That means...”

“It means he won't get out of there anymore”, Bard confirmed. “He's 66 years old, that's it for him. He can rot in jail along with the de Filers now.” Bilbo could hear the smile in his voice. “It's over, Bilbo.”

Bilbo exhaled, blinking repeatedly. For a moment he did nothing but let the wave of relief roll over him. The feeling was joyous. He hadn't noticed how worried he'd been about the trial, not until the weight of it was gone. 

Then he looked up. Thorin and Dis were watching him expectantly, the question visible on their faces. He broke into a wide smile, mouthing  _thirty years in jail_ to them. Dis let out a relieved sigh, closing her eyes for a moment before pulling Kili closer to her chest. Thorin's shoulders slumped as the tension left him. He kept his eyes on Bilbo, the depth of his relief evident in the intensity of his gaze. Bilbo swallowed at the sight. He did so  _love_  that look.

“Bard, that's great news”, he said when he'd shaken the momentary distraction, gathering his thoughts again. “That's such a relief. Thanks for letting me know.” He saw Thorin gesturing towards him and nodded. “Thorin wants to speak to you”, he said. “You're still coming over tonight, right? I wanna see the article you wrote on this story before it gets published.”

“Sure I am”, he said. “I'm looking forward to it. I'll see you tonight!”

Bilbo handed the phone over to Thorin. Dis grinned at him when he caught her eyes. “It's over now”, she said, and Bilbo nodded.

“He'll be in jail for the rest of his life”, he confirmed. His eyes dropped to his nephews as he spoke. 

It still left him staggering when he thought about how close they'd been to losing them, how easily they could be sitting here without one of them, or both. All because one man thought he could take whatever he wanted. Because one man couldn't get enough. But that man was gone now, he couldn't hurt them anymore. They were safe. He ran a hand over Kili's hair, then pressed a kiss to the top of Fili's head.

“This is the best news we've had all year”, Thorin said as he ended the call. He held out the phone to Bilbo, who packed it away before wriggling between Thorin's legs again, leaning against his torso. “Not unexpected, but still a relief.”

Bilbo nodded, lazily running his hand up and down Thorin's leg beside him. “I'm so glad it's decided. Now it's really over, and we can leave this whole thing behind.”

“Yes, we can”, Thorin nodded, burying his face in Bilbo's hair. Bilbo closed his eyes, listening to his partner's deep breaths.

“I meant it, you know”, Thorin mumbled into his ear after a while. He closed his arms around him from behind, pulling him closer. Bilbo smiled, leaning into the tight embrace. “Fili looks good with those braids, but not nearly as good as you. You're very handsome. With or without the braids.”

Bilbo closed his eyes, chuckling softly. “You're such a softy, you know that? Ten years, and you still say such things. You would think you'd be used to it by now.”

“On the contrary. I'm only just getting started”, Thorin mumbled, his lips so close to Bilbo's ear that he felt every movement they made. “Ten years is nothing compared to the lifetime we have ahead. A lifetime of me telling you how handsome you are, of you dismissing it... I couldn't think of a better way of spending our time, my little one.”

“You're ridiculous. And still soppy."

"And  _you're_  beautiful." 

Bilbo laughed. "You're amazing."

“You two”, Dis chipped in, “are disgusting. Who's thinking of the children now, huh? Honestly, find yourself a room if you want to continue this.”

“Oh, shut up”, Bilbo gave back. He grinned at her smirk as he wriggled out of Thorin's embrace, turning around to face him.

“I love you”, he said, and he was struck by how true those words were. He loved him. He'd loved him from the beginning, had loved him for ten years now, and he wouldn't stop anytime soon. Thorin smiled as he watched him, the bright kind of smile that still made Bilbo's heart flutter in his chest, still, even after ten years, and he knew that he was thinking the same.

“I love you, too”, he said. And Bilbo took his face into his hands and bent down, and he still smiled as their lips met for a kiss, one of thousands, neither their first nor their last one, but no less special than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end! Well. The end of this story, that is. So, about that wedding sequel.
> 
> Yes, there'll be another story, the final part of this AU! This story isn't completely told yet, and this fic is about the best thing I've got going for me right now (thanks to you all - your comments, kudos, and even if you just read along meant so much to me), so the sequel is also a little thank you from me to you. I really want to give these idiots the big and drawn out happy ending they deserve.
> 
> The sequel will be ten chapters long and feature Fili and Kili as teenagers/young adults, two proposals, a wedding that is long overdue and an unexpected change in Bilbo and Thorin's life in the form of little Frodo. And above all else, fluff and love in abundance.


End file.
